


Ways to Go - Grouplove

by look_at_you_go



Series: Sleeping With Giants (Lifetime) - The Academy Is... [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Ben Solo Gives Head and Is Grateful For It, Ben Solo Has Issues, Big Ass Mansions, Coming Of Age (kind of), Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Falling In Love, Hallucinations (or are they?), Meet-Cute, Modern AU, Multi, Panic Attacks, Phone Sex, Polyamory, Really It Starts Slow Then It Very Quickly Isn't, Supernatural Elements, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), Tourist Traps, Vaginal Fingering, Weddings, Whirlwind romances, sex of all kinds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 72,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23676463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/look_at_you_go/pseuds/look_at_you_go
Summary: At twenty-eight, Ben Solo has all a man can ask for: dedication to his mental and physical health(1), work where he's valued(2), family and friends that love him(3), and a hot girlfriend(4).1. His anxiety is totally under control.2. That "hostile work environment" complaint was from years ago.3. It counts if there's overlap, right? And that "love" is used loosely?4. "Girlfriend" is more a label of best fit.When Ben's world is tilted from its (mostly) perfect axis yet again, he's worn out. Life wasn't meant to be hard. After some nudging from the universe, he decides that love is the answer to permanently fixing it back, and he's going to find it.It had been there the whole time, in a small coastal town. But is he ready for it?(No, but he'll get there. He's just got a ways to go, unfortunately.)Part of a two-part series.
Relationships: Bazine Netal/Kylo Ren (past), Lots of "Pair the Spares" Going On, Poe Dameron/Finn/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Sleeping With Giants (Lifetime) - The Academy Is... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704874
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	1. bored - Bea Miller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might not be the end all be all of relationships but it's comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm cursed to write not-quite songfics, I guess.
> 
> I've been writing this for a long damn time, y'all. Spotify has an "On Repeat" Playlist it compiles for you. I really liked one set and thought it would be fun to write a series of one-shots based on each song. Soon a plot developed, and I've reworked this a thousand times.
> 
> Between busy beta readers and my wavering confidence, this has taken me a long time. But I'm finally happy with the opening to post it. I promise y'all, this starts slow and ramps up pretty quickly, but it is (very loosely) based on the mashing of two very real stories.
> 
> This is my love letter to my dear, flawed Ben Solo. He's not quite the version of the trilogy, but he's got facets of him. There are parallels, though.
> 
> Anyway, here's the first five chapters. Updates happen Friday.

And with a  _ whoosh _ of dark brown hair, she was gone. 

Ben winced as the door slammed. His hands shook as he smoothed out imaginary wrinkles in his slacks, eyes locked on the door Bazine had stomped through a moment earlier. He inhaled slowly.

_ Deep breaths, Ben.  _ If he concentrated, the voice in his head was that of his piano teacher, reminding him to breathe between counts. His head bobbed gently, counting himself into the next measure as his heart rate began to slow. The man had been a genius—helping Ben to cope with his accelerated heartbeat. It always raced like this, especially when people were yelling.

He had never been _great_ when it came to yelling.

The clock ticked louder in the background, Ben’s heart keeping time with the sound. Now that his breath was steady and his pulse no longer thumped, he could focus back on what all had gotten him going in the first place.

Ah, right. Baz.

They had been having a nice afternoon, he thought. Sunday afternoons were the days he could count on as good days. She would lead him through the art museum, Ben drifting behind her. She’d babble about the newest piece and Ben would nod along; he could appreciate the beauty. After all, performing and visual arts were knotted deeply in his family history. It was as much a part of him as breathing. He’d been visiting that museum long before she’d taken her apprenticeship under the curator.

He leaned back in his chair, a hand running through his hair and a sigh rolling over his lips. She’d undoubtedly get the museum in their inevitable breakup, and he’d have to find a new place. His mouth twitched at that. It may have been hers, but damn if he wasn’t fond of the gentle rhythm that pulsed through that place, people’s chatter and light steps filling his head just the right way.

Maybe it didn’t have to be over between them just yet. Their fight—well, if her screaming at him as he tried to get in a word counted as a fight—had been his fault anyway. She’d asked about a toothbrush to keep at his place. It wasn’t like she begged him for a key or demanded worse, that he made room on his bookshelf for her. That would have  _ definitely _ made it her fault. The middle shelf especially was a non-negotiable, and he’d—probably? Probably—made himself crystal clear on that.

She knew that’s where he kept his...older journals. Maybe it was a little  _ beatnik  _ or  _ hipster _ like she’d teased him about before, but dammit, everyone was entitled to their silly adolescent attachment. She had more posters of boys with long hair dressed in black than anyone he’d seen; he had his books, filled with his little essays on everything and incomplete musical compositions.

His brow furrowed, catching a glimpse of dark hair in his eyes and brushing his shoulders; he couldn’t deny a snort. Well, he was certainly her type.

Right, back to her. Maybe they weren’t fated to be together forever, but Bazine was a lot of things and unpredictable wasn’t one of them. Volatile, sure. She was predictably so, though, and that was enough for him. They both knew how this would go.

She’d storm around the city for a while, cursing everyone between Ben and God himself, and then he would call, repentant and agreeable. She’d come back over and steam for a few more minutes; Ben would bend to her just enough to get her to simmer down—she was so  _ loud, _ and all the damn time—then she’d give him that same smirk she always did when she’d won.

She’d drag Ben to his bed, where he’d trace more apologies onto her skin with his tongue. He’d lay there next to her, that same smugness radiating off her in waves and mixing with post-coital haze. His eyes would close, and the hollow feeling in his chest would disappear for a while.

It wouldn’t last forever, but until it ended, he had this. Just like khakis and black button downs, it was comfortable and reliable.

He sighed again, watching the door for another moment. Satisfied that it was going to stay closed, at least for a while longer, he began to pick up the room: the photo of him and his parents, carefully laid down to avoid her swinging arms as she paced; the empty water glass on the coffee table, which he’d nearly cracked in frustration when she erupted this time—he’d need to be more careful next time, that one was a collectible; oh, and his moleskin journal, the cover fraying a bit.

His mouth twitched again. It had been a dirty move on her part; she knew good and damn well that this one contained something extra special, a collection of quotes from musicians and authors he’d loved enough to painstakingly copy by hand to keep near him forever. And like she’d eventually do with their fledgling relationship, she plucked it from his hand and tossed it to the ground—

_ No. _

If he was going to apologize and keep up whatever this was, he was going to have to act like they always did. 

He ran another impatient hand through his hair. One last breath to center himself.

Ben drifted through the empty and quiet apartment. Now that his things were back where they needed to be, it was only a matter of time before she’d cool off enough for him to call. Until then, he’d get ready for tomorrow.

A green apple, his favorite. A peanut butter sandwich, unassuming and simple. Nineteen cheese crackers, tucked safely in a snack bag. Each was carefully packed into a nondescript black bag, with only  _ B. Solo _ elegantly in silver permanent ink to distinguish it from the others. It always worked, and ensured that he didn’t disturb anyone as he took his lunch break near the library’s information desk.

He checked his closet, knowing his khaki slacks would be there, safe and ready for tomorrow. Maybe he’d mix it up and wear the checked black shirt tomorrow, the risk sure to shock his fellow deskmate, Hux. Along with Phasma, the three of them were perfect for the job; his boss Theodore Snoke had said as much. Ben’s tall and silent demeanor, Hux’s persistent and persnickety rage, and Phasma’s icy and formidable glare made them intimidating and unapproachable, just what the university library needed to ensure perfect and strict order. No horny co-eds would dare cross any combination of the three of them.

If Ben had bristled under that description, Snoke had paid it no mind.

Ben’s eyes landed on the clock in the kitchen. 7:28 pm. It had been about three hours since Bazine had her tantrum and left; it might be safe enough to call. Tapping the icon with her name, he waited for the first ring.

Straight to voicemail. That was...new.

She’d been pretty upset, though. She was probably still pacing. Once her greeting subsided, Ben waited for the beep.

“Hey Baz. It’s me. It’s—” he glanced back at the clock—”7:30 now. I’m guessing you’re still pretty mad about earlier. Whenever you’re ready to talk, come over. Bye.”

Ben rolled his shoulders; the tension from earlier was lingering, which meant he needed to go punch some bags and work it out. She liked it when he smelled a little sweaty anyway.

He was halfway to the gym when it occurred to him that some couples would exchange pleasantries and affection when they talked. Then again, they hadn’t ever been just some couple.

* * *

The alarm clock on the nightstand read 9:16 by the time Ben had gotten back and out of the shower. His brow furrowed as he checked his phone again; no new messages, no missed calls. His mouth twitched, running a hand through his damp hair. This must have struck a nerve with her more deeply than he thought.

He could feel his heart was beginning to race a little before taking a deep breath. His heart rate relaxed, his head was bobbing again. Soon it matched the metronome in his head, ticking softly to keep time; precisely seventy-five beats per minute.

Feeling more than a little pleased with himself, Ben chose a weathered copy of Malory’s  _ Le Morte d’Arthur _ , feeling the same twist in his heart for King Arthur. All of that work for Camelot, and he gets nothing for it in the end. No one gets a good deal, but all that shared misery never failed to comfort Ben. At least they weren’t alone in their suffering.

Before long, Ben’s eyelids were getting to be too heavy, and the soft blow of the air conditioning was sounding more and more like a lullaby with each passing moment. Stretching his sleepy limbs, he placed his bookmark and switched off the light, wiggling himself under the soft covers. He took this last chance to check his phone as he plugged it in to charge. Still nothing from her. With the beginning of a frown, Ben opened his messenger.

B. Netal  
  
**Today** 12:56 AM  
**B. Netal:** I am so hyped about this showing! I finally got to take the lead. It's going to be AMAZING, Ben.  
  
**Today** 7:38 AM  
**Ben:** I'm excited if you are. And hey, if you're here by 11, I'll buy you lunch. Celebrate your achievement and all. **Read** 9:56 AM  
  
**Today** 8:15 PM  
**Ben:** Hey, it's been a while since you left. I get it, you're still pissed. At least let me know that you're okay?  
  
**Today** 10:39 PM  
**Ben:** Doesn't have to be a conversation. A phone call totally counts. Just a "no, I'm fine," or a "fuck you, Ben Solo" works.  
  


Ben’s head was heavy against the pillow. He’d called and texted. If she was okay, then she’d answer soon enough. He could normally get a rise out of her with that “fuck you” text.

“Alright, Baz,” he whispered into the darkness. “The ball’s in your court.”

When he was lying in bed that next night and looking back, that singular thought kept ticking through his head like the metronome. The ball was always in her court, and he was content to keep playing defense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's my Tumblr, if you wanna talk.](https://ideallyanywhere.tumblr.com/)


	2. Can't Sleep Love - Pentatonix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things shift. Ben thinks about what his life is missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this one was a cover. It came from Spencer Kane and I liked it better than the original.

Ben’s head refused to stop spinning. He blinked it away in the darkness, the faint swirls in the air taking the shape of undefined faces. He kept piecing together memories, trying to figure it all out.

It began to settle in place when he started back at the very beginning of the day. He should’ve known better when he woke up before his alarm clock; he was rarely well-rested, and this was shockingly one of those times. Once his alarm did go off at 6:25, he was ahead of it, his quick morning shower really only to rinse away the sleep and get his hair ready enough to style. Heaven forbid he walk into work with what Hux indignantly referred to as “fucktastic bedhead,” and only to shut the red-headed man’s incessant mouth would Ben run a comb through it, the natural waves resisting the order Ben attempted to instill.

The line at the campus coffee shop was also suspiciously short; he got no lip from the barista-of the-day either, his infuriatingly charming cousin Poe. The normally pleasant—if chatty—man skipped the usual conversation today. Ben chalked it up to him taking on more service today; Poe was normally in the store by this time, but he was more likely to be doing the beginning of manager duties instead of manning the counter himself. But thankfully, he seemed to know Ben’s regular macchiato, even adding the two shakes of cocoa powder he pretended not to like.

By the time Ben had punched in the clock at the library—7:54, a little earlier than the usual five minutes—he should have been more suspicious. He had checked his phone before tucking it away, with  _ still _ no contact from Bazine.

His forehead was just beginning to crease. He smoothed out more imaginary wrinkles and got behind the counter. He’d foolishly disregarded Phasma’s silence as their normal morning conversation. If he hadn’t been so deeply engrossed in someone’s incredibly wrong opinion about Shakespeare’s contribution to the English language, he might have noticed her fidgeting since she’d arrived and seen him. After all, she was one of Bazine’s closest friends; she’d been the one to introduce them.

By the time it had crept up to 11:30, Ben absolutely should have been on high alert. He’d finally got a single message from Bazine, asking him to meet her for lunch. Phasma had flinched ever so slightly when Ben offered his now unneeded lunch to her, and if he thought about it, there might have been some color in her pale, icy cheeks.

He’d gone straight to the build-your-own-burrito bar on campus. It was the single type of food Ben succumbed to on his diet of complex carbs, protein, and indifference. She asked him  _ there,  _ of all the spots on the university’s campus, and he walked in there like a damn fool.

She even hugged him when she saw him. In public.

Ben liked to pride himself on seeing patterns, especially in poetry and prose that flowed like it. It was like seeing all the inner workings of a complicated machine, and Ben reveled in each moment they gave up their secrets for him to see, his prize for solving the puzzle. And yet, when he needed to see the most, he’d missed all the signs.

He’d been halfway through chewing his second bite of burrito bowl when she told him she’d slept with someone else the night before.

Ben was lying still in his bedroom, blinking into the darkness and waiting for some surge of emotion. Anguish, rage, betrayal. He felt as blank as he did earlier at the burrito bar. If he was being honest, all he really felt was annoyance and dread. The annoyance was an even split: him, having not recognized the pattern had been broken; him, not seeing how deeply unhappy she had been; and her, ruining a perfectly good burrito bowl.

The dread, though. It constricted him, his chest tight. His girlfriend of nearly a year had cheated on him, and with  _ Phasma. _ The very same woman who had introduced them and worked beside him, like it had been any given Monday. 

Ben should have been enraged. He should have deleted her contact. He should have told her what he really thought of her terrible use of white space at the museum and her lack of an eye for color. He absolutely should have been fuming at Phasma, who acted like everything was beneath her. 

Yet all he could feel was weight being lifted from his chest. That only made him feel worse. It  _ absolutely  _ should have bothered him, and yet the end of their relationship felt more like a gift. 

Baz— _ Bazine, _ he corrected—had the decency to leave as soon as she realized Ben hadn’t said a word to her. She knew he wasn’t going to make a scene and get thrown out of his burrito bar; he had to give her credit for being smart enough to avoid that. She’d also chosen her new lover to be the one person Ben would not have wanted to be in a fight with. Phasma had older, stronger brothers, and had once mentioned that she was the runt of the family.

Ben shuddered; his face would have recovered eventually from that beating, but it was best that he’d dodged that bullet. Bazine was smart and had spun this from the beginning to keep this as neat as possible for Ben’s reaction. He wasn’t sure what she was expecting, though.

She’d been shocked for a moment after she’d dropped her bombshell and Ben had only paused to look at her before going back to his lunch. If she was expecting any fight out of him, she received none.

Phasma let Ben pass her by when he returned to the library. She may have offered some modicum of an apology, but he must have missed it as he went toward the genealogical archives on the fourth floor. She thankfully let him be as he silently reorganized the records. She had the good sense to look disgraced when he clocked out at 5:02; his shift overlapping hers meant that they technically didn’t need to talk once he left for the day. Perks of being the second-in-command.

Another message from Bazine informed him that she was coming by to return a book and a jacket of his. When she showed up at his apartment at 6:01, there could have been tears in her eyes. He couldn’t really remember; he was just waiting for her to go. Before she left, she had said something that stuck with Ben for a good while:

“So that’s it? It’s over? Just like that? You’re okay with this?”

His mouth had twitched at that and his arms crossed. “What’s there to be okay with? If you wanted to leave, you could have just left. You didn’t have to fuck Phasma.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “Not like my feelings mattered anyway,” he muttered.

She’d flinched like she’d been burned, but she knew better than to try and deny it. Her watery eyes narrowed into slits. “It’s not like you cared about me to begin with, Ben.”

_ That _ had caused him to stiffen. Satisfied, she straightened her shoulders. “I’m sorry things ended this way, but I hope you find what you’re looking for. Goodbye, Ben.”

Without another word, she’d turned on her heel and walked out of his life. Ben could only close the door. Looking at the weathered book in his hands, he wiped down its spine, placed it back on the bookshelf, and tossed the jacket into the hamper.

As he drank a cup of warm broth for dinner, he thought about how easily he’d let her walk away. Bazine had been a lot of things, but she was his girlfriend for a year. It should have hurt more to watch her walk out of his life like it was nothing.

Ben continued to lay there, thinking about her accusation for a while. He cared about her, sure. But not once in the year they’d been together had she or Ben talked about love. He tossed onto his side. Was what they had even capable of developing into love? Was that something she had wanted? Was it even something he had wanted from her?

It was nearly midnight when he realized that no, he hadn’t. They had never even talked about what they could have been. They’d filled each other’s time and fucked around when it made sense.

Maybe that’s why she broke the pattern. Maybe she saw something with Phasma that she couldn’t see with him. He certainly couldn’t see it with her.

The longer he laid there, the more he felt the pull to break his  _ own _ pattern. He did want that, the kind of love that made his parents argue and make up, the kind of love that he’d lose sleep over, the kind of love that compelled all-night talks. Maybe there was someone out there that could love him enough to make the hollow feeling go away.

_ If that girl is out there,  _ he resolved,  _ I’m going to find her and never let go. _

For the first time in a long time, Ben’s dreams were more than a gray expanse. No, tonight there was a melodic laughter with a graceful figure outlined in gold, holding him and kissing his nose.

She was out there, he could feel it in his bones. He just needed to start looking.

* * *

The alarm was blaring insufferably the next morning. Ben groaned as he smacked it into silence. Rising slowly, he grumbled his way into the shower, letting the warmth wake him up. As he stood there under the sporadic stream, bleary-eyed, he thought about her again. Would she be a morning person, cheery and encouraging him with warm embraces? Or was she more the type to sprawl over him as she slowly woke?

He let those possibilities wander as he sudsed up. Maybe she was either of those or somewhere in between, and he ached to find out, either way.

A few minutes later, he was clean and dry, reaching for his tried-and-true black button up and khakis. Running a hand through his damp hair to avoid any untoward tangles, he could feel the morning taking shape outside. It was a cloudy day, so there would probably be rain in the future. He slid socked feet into worn black boots, grabbed his bag and lunch, and headed out the door.

It might have been cloudy, but it was nice enough to walk, so Ben took quick, long strides to the campus coffee shop. An extra fifteen minutes wouldn’t kill his legs, after all. As he went, Ben’s hands found their way into his pockets. He clenched one, wondering how his future love’s hand would feel. He could almost see the gold outline of her, her steps matching his.

Her hand would be small in his own; his were massive, proportional to the rest of him. Small didn’t have to mean dainty, though. Maybe she was tough and calloused from a life lived hard. In his head, he heard her laugh at him. Allowing himself a quirk of the mouth, he shook his head free of her as he reached the café.

It was still a sleepy morning in the coffee shop. A student barista was behind the bar today, his apron still creased from where it had undoubtedly just come from the package.

“What can I get for you, sir?” he deadpanned. Ben’s mouth twitched once. Before he could open it, someone beat him to it.

“Mid-sized macchiato, two shakes of cocoa powder,” Poe called from the back. Ben nodded and gave his name, the barista scribbling it on the cup when Poe appeared at the counter. “Next time with a little more pep, okay, Scott? It’s a coffee shop, not a library.” He winked at Ben.

Whatever Scott said went unnoticed. Ben stumbled as Poe clapped him on the shoulder. Brushing a wrinkle in his pants out as he rolled his eyes, he turned to Poe as his cousin found a table. “Still the comedian, I see.”

Poe grinned as he sat. “Someone’s gotta be, and it certainly isn’t you.” Ben huffed out a short laugh. “Good to see you as always,  _ cuz. _ Glad you haven’t burst into flames from sunlight exposure yet.” There was no bite in Poe’s teasing.

“Not all of us have the good fortune to be kissed by the sun, though in your case, it’s more likely you ended up caught in a dark room with your pants down and the sun blushing,” Ben tossed back.

Poe clutched at imaginary pearls. “I’m wounded. Tell Finn and Rose I love them.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Tell them yourself. I’m sure it’ll have only been the thousandth time since you woke up this morning.” Poe shrugged as he picked up his pen.

“No shame in that, you know,” he quipped lightly as the barista called Ben’s name. He scribbled some notes on a clipboard as Ben collected his macchiato. Such was the life of a manager. Poe perked up as Ben walked toward the door, coffee safely sleeved for the rest of his commute. “See you soon, Ben.”

On his way out the door, Ben nodded back at him. Making his way under the overcast sky, he thought of his cousin and the two people he’d taken as lovers. Were relationships more or less work with that many people involved? He could only shudder. Hopefully his girl, wherever she was, would be willing to learn how to handle him as he learned to handle her.

The library came into view quickly, towering over Ben and his empty cup. Every time Ben was here, the place seemed to radiate formidable strength and wisdom. Maybe he’d pick up some of it someday. Tossing his cup in the trash, he clocked in by the door as the time read 8:00. He was at the desk in no time, setting aside his bag and logging into his computer.

He’d been pulling up his tasks for the day when the chair to his left squeaked thirty minutes later, nearly imperceptible. He rolled his eyes as he scanned the list; his peripheral was more than enough to catch his Amazonian coworker doing her best impression of being invisible. 

His mouth twitched with distaste. “For the sake of making this easy, I’ll be working on the third and fourth floor. If you need back-up, call one of the interns. I doubt you’ll need it, since Tuesdays are quiet anyway.” He grabbed a label maker and stack of periodicals and left the desk, chancing a look at her before he headed toward the stairs.

Phasma was impassive as ever, though the dark circles under her icy blue eyes were new. She searched his face for a moment. Whatever she found there, she found it discouraging.

Ben turned and climbed the stairs. When he reached the third floor, the magazines were crumpling in his grip; he’d fix it later.

True to his word, Ben had popped down the stairs once at 11:45 to take his lunch back upstairs. The desk had been thankfully empty and he was back up there in no time. The light blue post-it note stuck to his lunch had a single  _ “sorry” _ written on it. Along with the bag his sandwich came in, the now-crumpled note found its home in the trash.

Ben did think about it as he went about his work for the rest of the afternoon. He wasn’t even really angry with Phasma. But if she was going out of her way to feel bad about what she’d done—and she absolutely should have—then he was more than happy to let her stew in her own guilt a while.

It still rang hollow, though. Shouldn’t he at least be angry with her for betraying their easy dynamic for Bazine? He set down the book he held, hands on the table as his head hung low. It was then that his golden goddess appeared in front of him, her featureless form sitting on the edge of the table. He imagined her taking his heavy head in her hands, touching their foreheads together the way he’d seen Rose do with a weary Poe. He sighed once as his eyes drifted closed. When he reopened them, the image of her had disappeared again.

Ben stood there a moment longer before he took the book on the table back to its home.

Soon though, the weak sunlight that had been drifting through the window upstairs had all but dissipated, and Ben stretched sleepy limbs as he bounced down the stairs. He caught a glimpse of Phasma trying to flag him down, but he’d already reached the clock by the door, reading 5:00 on the dot as the door _whooshed_ behind him.

* * *

Ben tossed and turned the next few nights before Friday morning approached. The days before had been much of the same, with Hux standing in for Phasma. Regardless, he still found that he was working alone. Well, as alone as his daydreams would allow. That mystery woman seemed to find him whether he was in tough mental spaces or cramped, lonely places. She danced gracefully to the rhythms of everyday life and to the melodies playing absently in his head.

She had become his constant companion. Sometimes it was her phantom limbs wrapping around him, or a radiating warmth as he packed his lunch. Whether she was real or not, just her being there made the hollow feeling in his chest less unbearable for a while.

But Ben wanted  _ more. _

He longed to take her in his arms and sway along with her carefree dance. He wished to wrap his arms around hers too, and to kiss her forehead the way other couples did. More than anything, Ben craved the warmth of her body lying by his, her weight sinking into the mattress. It was getting to the point where dreaming of her was only taking the edge off a growing hunger.

As he ran his fingers through clean hair, Ben laughed out loud, the deep sound echoing about. He had never seen this girl’s face and already he couldn’t get her out of his head.

Seeing the time, Ben swept through his morning routine, clocking in at the library just as it struck 8 am. He started to make his way to the desk, when he was stopped dead in his tracks.

There, with twin looks of terror, were Hux and Phasma. In front of them, Theodore Snoke stood ominously, back ramrod straight.

“Solo,” he purred. It shot a chill down Ben’s spine. “We should talk before you begin your shift today. Follow me to my office?” There was a facsimile of a smile playing at thin lips, but all three associate librarians knew that face. Snoke turned toward the back of the library, steps clacking across the tile floor.

He may have phrased it as a question, but Ben knew a command when he heard one. Chancing a look at the pair behind the desk, Ben felt the blood leave his face. Neither would look up from their computers, faces frozen in fear. Ben sped up.

Reaching the back office, Ben paused to take a deep breath, but the metronome in his head was silent. There was no phantom touch, either. But there was an intern at the bookcase by the window, squirrelly and obedient Mitaka. The two made eye contact for a brief moment. Steeling his nerves, Ben slipped in, the large armchair facing the window away from him.

“Close the door, won’t you?” Snoke’s dark voice pierced the air like a knife. Ben quickly acquiesced, the door shutting softly. The tension in his shoulders ratcheted up to a new level of uncomfortable. “Take a seat.” Ben crossed the massive office in three strides, folding himself into the middle of the three chairs in front of Snoke’s immaculate and vast desk.

Ben did a few rounds of wrinkle smoothing before running each hand through his hair. He finally grasped the sides of the chair to steady himself. His voice was small and raspy when he eventually found it. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

Dr. Theodore Snoke was the picture beside the dictionary definition of  _ intimidating. _ Unreasonably tall and thin like a child’s boogeyman, he was impeccably dressed, never a slick hair out of place. His fingers were steepled as he spun in his chair to face Ben, eyes dark and unreadable. His lips were pursed as he looked Ben over. “I was hoping to understand something, dear boy. Something into which only you would have insight.”

Ben’s khakis were suddenly  _ fascinating. _ “Sir?”

Snoke then stood, slowly pacing the room. Had the air gotten thinner in here? “I was reviewing your work this past week. Aside from Monday morning, you seem to only be here at the very start and close of your shift. Normally I can count on you to be five minutes early and stay your usual 15 minutes over to review your shift with your fellow associates. And yet when I spoke with the two of them earlier, both mentioned how you’ve taken to tasks that keep you  _ away _ from your desk. Curious, isn’t it?”

The air was most certainly thinner. Ben’s hands clenched around the chair. Snoke kept pacing.

“Because I find it curious, Solo. Last week, and every other week of your otherwise impeccable six years of employment with the library, you’ve been the model of a perfect associate librarian,” Snoke droned on. He had reached the back of Ben’s chair. He leaned down, his head level with Ben’s. It was all Ben could do to avoid flinching. “It’s so unlike you, Solo,” he chided, quiet. “For the past six years, as a part of this team, you’ve proven yourself to be worthy of my trust and attention, and now here you are suddenly acting so unlike yourself. Is something the matter at home?” Ben was near trembling as Snoke’s sneer came into view, just barely containing the shakes. “Is one of your little sluts distracting you? Hmm?” Ben swallowed.

There was a sharp  _ crack _ as Snoke’s fist slammed onto the desk in front of Ben. The impact left a small crater.

“Well, Solo? Has my faith in you been misplaced?” Snoke hissed. “Do I need to let Hux and Phasma know your responsibilities are available?"

Ben felt a stillness wash over him. This job was the one he was good at, and he couldn’t stand the thought of Hux especially lording a victory like this over him. “No, sir,” he replied coolly.

Snoke leaned back, walking back to his desk. “And I can expect a return to your upholding of the principles of this place?”

Ben nodded curtly. “Absolutely, sir.”

Leaning over the desk and awfully close to Ben’s face, Snoke squinted. “And I expect you to resolve whatever this nonsense is that’s driving a wedge between you and your team effective immediately. All of you, but especially you, are above such petty grievances.” He tilted his head up, glaring at Ben down his nose. “See that it never happens again on your watch, Solo.”

Ben smiled tightly. “Of course, sir.”

Snoke seemed pleased with this, gesturing to dismiss his associate librarian. Rising stiffly from the chair, Ben mechanically walked toward the door. The sound of the chair turning back toward the window signaled that the conversation was now truly over and finished. 

As soon as he crossed the threshold and the door shut behind him, Ben released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Finding the bathroom closest to Snoke’s office, he wobbled on shaky legs. Bursting through the door, he dry heaved twice, his face and knuckles white as the sink he gripped in one hand, his dark hair in the other.

_ One two three four. One two three four. One, two, three, four. One. Two. Three. Four. _

The metronome ticked on steadily now, his heart no longer hammering in his chest and breaths less shallow. His head tilted up as he examined himself in the mirror. His pupils were returning to their normal sizes, nestling in whiskey-brown irises. His hair was wrecked, but nothing a shake and finger comb through wouldn’t fix. His lip was red from having nearly bitten through it, and color was reappearing in splotches around the constellation on his face. That’s how his mother always described his smattering of moles.

_ “My little prodigy. Stars in your eyes, constellations on your face.” _

He was certain the squeeze on his shoulder was his imagination, but he shook thoughts of both his mother and his golden woman away regardless.

“You’re never around when I need you,” he whispered bitterly into the silence.

Taking one last deep breath, Ben smoothed out a wrinkle in his pants and exited the bathroom. There Mitaka stood, shaking like a leaf the way Ben was a moment ago. A single eyebrow rose on Ben’s face as Mitaka took a steadying breath. “Dr. Snoke asked me to let you know that the three associate librarians will be expected to work together on their future plans for increased library membership retention today,” he squeaked out.

Ben sighed, unclenching a fist to pat Mitaka’s shoulder. “Thank you for the message,” he replied woodenly, passing by the trembling intern and toward the front desk.

Hux was still at the front desk collecting his things when Ben arrived. Before the taller man could even open his mouth, Hux pointed to the conference room. “Phasma’s already in there. I have a quick task to finish up before we get started. You two should talk,” he bristled.

Ben chafed at Hux’s tone, wondering, not for the first time, if anyone would miss the little red weasel. Regardless, he plucked his messenger bag from the desk to cross to the conference room where Phasma sat looking up at him.

She held Ben’s gaze for a long moment before she dropped it. “Listen, Solo—”

Ben held up a hand. “It’s in the past. I’m not angry with you and it will not affect our relationship moving forward.” His tone invited no argument. “What happens outside of work should not affect what happens in this library. I am sorry for my part in our mutual discomfort, but if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to never speak of this again.”

Ben caught the trace of shock and sorrow on her face, but with a clench of her jaw, the mask was in place. “Alright then.”

Hux bustled in a moment later. He glanced between them before he sat down. “Judging by the deathly silence in here, I’d call your issues resolved. Excellent.” He rubbed his hands together. “Now, how are we increasing retention?”

* * *

Ben’s shoulders were tight by the time he clocked out. The meeting had gone well enough, and Hux presented their proposal to Snoke, who approved it conditionally. 

Phasma and Ben would be fine in a week or two, whether they wanted to be or not. The two of them still operated with an inhuman efficiency, and if their personal relationship had been damaged by all of this, neither of them would breathe a word of it.

Ben’s thoughts had been extra focused since this morning, and stayed that way well into his evening workout. He’d been through his evening routine and in bed by the time the emotional exhaustion caught up to him. Now that his sleepy brain was free to wander, he’d found himself drifting into a field of bright light, where his formless beauty sat in the grass, her arms outstretched.

He smiled lazily for her, laying his head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair, humming along with a soft melody.

“You know,” he breathed after a while, “one of these days, I’m going to find you. You’ll be here with me, and things will finally feel right. You’ll be here with me soon. I just have to find you.”

Her affirmative hum added to the melody in his mind as he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of her.


	3. Good as Hell - Lizzo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter ahead. Prepare your checklist:  
> \- meet the fam  
> \- get strong-armed into being a wingman for an asshole  
> \- post break-up glow up AKA Paige Tico is a queen  
> \- scenery change  
> \- true depictions of the hours before the biggest event of Poe's life  
> \- enter minor characters with plot relevance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Either the original song or the Ariana Grande remix works for this. The next two chapters are among my favorites in this work. Flip that mass of wavy hair, Ben!

When he reflected on things later, Ben would have to thank Bazine. If she hadn’t spun off in her flurry and left him feeling hollow when she had that fateful night, Ben wouldn’t have thrown his mail into the “to be sorted” pile on the table by the door. Luckily for him, the mail was still in a disorganized heap on the floor from where her bag had hit it a week before, hidden by the giant potted philodendron she insisted he needed.

He didn’t really have the time to go through the stack once he’d found it, so he shoved it into his messenger bag to read on the ride to work. Normally, the chatter and soft rumbling of the monorail was enough to keep his mind busy, trying to find the thrumming pulse hidden there.

There was hardly anyone that morning, and Ben managed to slide into a free seat, raindrops lightly pelting the window. The smallest of smiles crept along his mouth. Rain was perfect for reading.

His journal laid protected at the bottom of the bag, and Ben’s fingers managed to brush it as he collected his letters. He flicked through them, cataloguing as he went:

  * a gas bill (he’d paid that one online already),
  * a sales circular for the grocery store a block away (a sale on Granny Smith apples),
  * some vaguely threatening flyer for a car dealership (that was going in the garbage),
  * the newsletter from Ben’s favorite bookstore (ooh, the one that stocked the good ink),
  * an appointment card for Ben’s next teeth cleaning (his mouth twitched), and
  * a familiar little blue envelope addressed to _Mr. Benjamin Solo_ (already opened).



Peering it over slowly, Ben felt dread wind its way around his waist. It was the formal invitation he’d totally forgotten about in the insanity of the past week, reminding him that now he’d have no date to the Storm-Tico-Dameron handfasting ceremony.

_ Damn. _ He ran a hand through his dark hair, already feeling the telltale tension of his shoulders locking up. Poe had mentioned it a few weeks back when he’d met up with him and the rest of the Organa-Solo clan for dinner. His mother, ever the busybody, had been needling Poe about the finalized details, since, by her own admission, it would be “the closest thing this family was getting to a wedding anytime soon,” looking rather pointedly at Ben.

He’d only sipped at his water as his father hid a grunt in a yeast roll. Poe’s adopted father, Ben’s mysterious uncle Luke, ever the odd stage director, had muttered something about everything coming together. In a lot of ways, he reminded Ben of an overgrown theater kid, and it had never ceased to rattle Ben.

Poe had played his part well, though. He’d laughed at Leia’s kinder, loaded questions and even threw her back a curveball when he demurely asked about the throuple spending their honeymoon at the family cabin in the mountains. Leia, thrilled to play host, prattled on about all the things she’d need to get it ready for the newlyweds. She’d been so wrapped up in all of it, she’d mercifully let Ben off the hook about making sure he brought “whatever her name was” to the event.

Well, now he and “whatever her name was” would not be attending, that was for damn sure.

* * *

“You can’t just not go, Ben,” Hux huffed later. Ben had made the mistake of breathing a thought of it aloud as they processed last night’s returns, and now Hux was latching on.

The start of a particularly nasty headache thrummed at his temples. He’d name this one after its father, Hux. “And why, pray tell, can I not?”

For his part, the shrill ginger was aghast, the stamp in his hand waving like a 19 th century fan. “I have a  _ litany _ of reasons why! You and I both know your mother would never let this lie, Poe is your favorite cousin, he’d want you there—” Ben swallowed a protesting grunt; Hux narrowed his eyes, but continued, “and most importantly, I need your support, since we’re, well, acquaintances, and I don’t want to be alone there. In case you forgot, I’m supposed to go, too.”

Ben’s brow furrowed. “I did, actually. How did you get roped into it?”

He’d never noticed it before, but Hux’s chest was always vaguely sunken in; right now, though, it was puffed with haughty pride. “The girl I’ve been seeing needed a date—”

“And she was desperate enough to tap you. Got it,” Ben finished, a grin playing at his mouth as he reached for the next stack of books.

Hux scowled at that, stamping in another return date. “Either way, I’m going to be there, too, and I’ll need backup. She’ll probably just want to talk about the  _ colors _ and the  _ atmosphere _ and the  _ vows. _ I’ll die of boredom,” his lament finished as he stacked his neat pile.

Ben only shook his head. “She’ll probably want to dance, too.”

All remaining color drained from Hux’s face at that, and Ben had to bite back a chuckle. Looking over his co-worker, Ben sighed. “Yeah, it’s only next weekend. Only for a few hours of party behavior. Free booze certainly helps.”

Hux grinned at him. “Who knows? You might even meet someone there, especially since you’re newly single and all.”

His dreamy lover drifted through his head, her tinkling laugh like a bell.

In front of him, Hux was nervously rubbing his arms. “Too soon?” Ben’s head snapped back to him.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Doing his best to shrug off the awkward pause, Ben offered him a half-smile that felt more stable than he did. “It was time to move forward anyway. Wanted different things and all that.” Suddenly, the book that needed to go back to the third floor was calling out to him, urgent to return. Grabbing it and heading toward the stairs, Ben offered a wave to Hux as he slipped away.

There on the third floor, left alone with thoughts, Ben considered what Hux had said. It might have come across a little clumsy, but he saw some good intention behind it, and there was some truth to what he’d said. While the girl in his dream had been keeping his listless mind occupied for the past week, her dances in his daydreams during the more monotonous tasks at work were just leaving him hungry for her. She could be out there, and Ben was so caught up in the formless version of her in his head that she could be walking by him now and he’d miss her.

He’d already vowed not to let her go, and yet here he was, ensuring that she would slip through his grasp because he just wasn’t paying enough attention. Well, no more. Dream Girl could help fill the hollow when he was alone, but dammit, he needed to be on the lookout for her during the day.

More than that, he was going to have to call in the big guns to keep a girl like her around. He would need all the help he could get.

* * *

That Friday, there were three knocks against his door at exactly 6:30 PM. He opened the door to what appeared to be a wardrobe and a very determined Paige Tico. “Thanks for coming by on such short notice. I know you’re busy, since the handfasting is next week and all,” he offered, along with his best smile.

Her smile was kind, but her eyes were sharp as she looked him over. “Oh, Ben. We’re about to be family. I’m happy to help,” she paused, lightly squeezing Ben’s arm, “and I am  _ very _ glad you called me. We have a lot to do.”

He’d deny it later, but the affronted squawk he’d let out made Paige laugh, and if it endeared him to him, he’d take it. Not many men could say they had access to a men’s personal shopper and stylist, and since he wasn’t a paying customer, he wasn’t about to blow that lead.

She was quickly back to business though. “We really only have to tonight to get you into shape, but by the time I’m through with you, you’ll be charming the pants off of every single lady, or dude, no judgment—” she laughed at Ben’s bewilderment, but kept on. “This reception won’t know what hit them when the suave Ben Solo comes in, ready to sweep them off their feet.”

“What if the suave Ben Solo isn’t quite ready to sweep someone off their feet? What if it’s just me who shows up?”

Paige softened at that. “Well, then you can just be your charming self, and someone will sweep you up,” she cooed, pinching his cheek. “You’re adorable and tall. I know my sister’s friends; those girls will already be thinking of climbing you like a tree. All we’re doing is adding to your  _ broody darkness _ to make you irresistible. They’ll be trying to climb you, instead of just thinking about it.”

Ben felt the tips of his ears burning bright red. “Well, do your magic, I guess. No real magic this time, though,” he added. Paige scoffed and rolled her eyes. She shook it off easily enough, reaching for the zipper on her wardrobe. If Ben strained his ear, he could make out her muttering something about spirits.

As he cycled through a few jacket and shirt combinations, Ben began to fill her in on his break-up. Paige thankfully just nodded along, only occasionally asking Ben to turn and try a few other things. By the time they found a winning combination, she was considering him again. She pulled a chair into his bathroom once he was back in his clothes, tapping it twice for him. He sat in front of her as she ominously twirled a comb.

He closed his eyes, letting her fingers run through his dark waves. “Ben, I’ve gotta be honest. This sounds more like your pattern to me.” His brow furrowed, but when he didn’t say anything, she continued, her fingers parting and breaking up waves. “We’ve known each other long before Rose and Finn and Poe finally figured out whatever’s between them, yeah? Three years, give or take. During that time, I’ve heard you mention a handful of names, but never anything about these women you date. Ever wonder why that is?”

Ben smoothed a wrinkle in his khakis. “Because I like to keep those kinds of details to myself?”

“Because you don’t see it going anywhere. You never let yourself fall in love, not really.” Ben tried not to twitch as Paige continued her lecture, strategically back-combing a section of hair from the crown. “I’m no specialist at this, but you seem to keep yourself from really taking a chance. This last girl you dated for a year, and you felt nothing when she walked out of your life because  _ she cheated on you. With her best friend," _ she grunted as she tugged on a stubborn section of hair. “All I’m saying is, letting yourself fall for someone can be a good thing. After all, it certainly changed my life for the better.”

“Yeah, Snap’s a pretty good dude.”

Paige smiled dreamily. “He really is.” She took a quick breath, all business. “Anyway, lecture’s over; thank you for coming to my TED talk. What do you think?”

Ben looked at himself in the mirror. She’d really managed to do a number on him, getting the waves to fall just right. He even nodded in appreciation. “It looks really good. How’d you do it?”

She quickly steered back on task, walking him through products and process. Ben took mental notes, but her thoughts on being vulnerable lingered in the corner of his mind.

By the time the clock read just past 10, she was packing up her things and listing off reminders for Ben, rapid fire. “Remember what I told you. As long as you stick with the palette we picked out tonight, you’ll kill at the reception. Keep conversation focused on the women there; they’ll be falling at your feet. Don’t outshine the bride. Keep dancing, I know you have the skill and the stamina—oh, don’t look so scandalized, I know you work out—and stick with drinks of the same color. Keep an eye out for Jess, she’s on the hunt and she will eat you alive if she gets the chance.” She stood at the door, hands planted on her hips. “I think that’s everything.”

Ben leaned on the nearby wall as he finished jotting down her words. “Thank you for everything, Paige. I couldn’t have done this without you,” he mumbled, feeling a bit of red flushing in his cheeks. He did his best to downplay it, but even just having her here, just someone to listen...he hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed this.

Paige had thrown her arms around him, her petite body somehow dwarfing his. No such luck on hiding his gratitude, then. “Ben Solo, you are precious and you are going to make me SO proud.” She peered up at him, tears in her eyes. Ben shuffled his arms around her, growing redder as she gushed. “Seriously, Ben. In some convoluted, fantastic way, we’ll be part of the same family, and I am happy to be part of that with you.” She pulled away, allowing Ben’s lungs blessed oxygen.

She turned away as she tugged her wardrobe into the hall again. “You’re gonna knock ‘em dead, Ben. See you at the reception!” And with a spin of her heel, she was trouncing down the hall as he chuckled, offering a quiet goodbye as the door closed.

* * *

A little over a week later, Ben’s hands shook a bit as he packed his bag into the backseat of an Uber. The town on the mainland, thankfully, was just over 2 hours away by train. Just far enough for Leia to insist Ben stay in town at the bed and breakfast place his parents would be in. Thankfully, Han had slipped Ben a reservation for a room in the reception venue’s hotel.

Rose, by far the most practical of the people to be married, insisted on late Friday evening for the ceremony. People could come for as long as they chose to stay in the evening, then they could enjoy the reception and still have most of their weekend ahead of them. Since the ceremony would be on an island, they’d chartered a party boat to act as cocktail hour before heading back to the hotel for the reception on the mainland. Finn and Poe were lucky to have her.

Ben had been roped into helping set up the venue for the ceremony, so he was excused from the rehearsal dinner Thursday on the strict condition that he arrived very early Friday afternoon. Ever punctual, the Uber arrived at the station half an hour early, letting Ben get settled. The train was delayed by 10 minutes; it was just enough time for him to swallow the last of the free water his Uber driver had provided (he needed to give that guy 5 stars before he forgot). Running a hand through his hair, he pulled out his journal, just to review a few of Paige’s notes as he waited.

  * Press your vest. Bring the navy blue pocket square.



The color scheme was rose gold and navy blue, so Paige had suggested incorporating the colors in a way that stood out from the wedding party, but that would also show that he was close with the family. Since the grooms would be in navy blue, Ben’s gunmetal gray would pop nicely, and the navy tie and pink-navy pocket square (“you don’t want them to be too matchy,” Paige had hissed) were practically an homage, still fitting in with the overall theme. He was less sold on the pink-navy blue checked pattern Paige loved for the pocket square, but she was the expert, and he knew better than to doubt her.

  * Back-comb like your life depends on it.



Ben _had_ been practicing like his life depended on it. He’d finally gotten the technique last night to where Paige had it, and with a little product, his inky waves were nearly perfect: featherlight, soft, and cascading. Ben would deny to his dying day that he’d broken down and prayed to a hair spirit or two to help with the process. 

  * Any more than two dabs of that cologne and you’re asking to be mauled.



Paige had called it “pheromones in a bottle.” Ben was terrified to find out what that meant, since it smelled kind of earthy to him. The girl in his brain laughed as she read over his shoulder, pinching his cheek before he shook her away.

Soon, the train was boarding. Once he’d found his seat, his weekend bag was tucked above his head, his messenger bag safe at his side. Ben smoothed a wrinkle in his khakis, then pulled out his journal, back to where the ribbon held the page.

> _So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. - P. Coelho_

Right. He’d spent so much precious time only thinking of his girl again. Even now, she danced along the boundary of his consciousness, the soft echo of her laugh haunting him. He may not find her at this wedding reception, but it could at least be good practice for when he did find her. He could sharpen his flirting skills and make a million mistakes, because when she did come along, he had to be ready to sweep her off her feet.

He glanced around on the thundering train, feeling its steady rumbling accompanying the staccato of the cart coming down the aisle. There wasn’t a soul around him at the moment. He could hear frayed edges of conversations, the soft snore of an exhausted passenger. No tinkling laugh, though. The only dreamy sigh around was coming from him, so no luck there, either.

Inhaling deeply, Ben closed his eyes, feeling the ghost of an embrace from his dream woman.

It was only the sharp announcement of their impending arrival that snapped Ben from his doze. Gathering his things, Ben scurried off the train and into the late summer air. There, across the station in delicate letters, was written the name of this town: Andromeda Harbor.

The town was quaint, and most assuredly a tourist trap. Between the pastel-painted knick knack shopfronts and the brightly colored cafés, it screamed “spend your money and summers with us!” Still though, there were people strolling through the main thoroughfare, and Ben couldn’t help a small smile as he took in all the citizens about their business. The sun glittered off the water, and the freshwater air was oddly invigorating. This was the kind of sleepy little town his mother would have loved to have grown up in.

Checking his watch, Ben noted that it was just after 11; there was just enough time to check in to his room. He searched for the reception venue, a hotel called  _ The Fallen Star.  _ It was the largest one in town, and a young woman whose name tag read  _ Kaydel _ was cheerily running the front desk. 

Unfortunately, she wasn’t cheery enough to offset that check-in wouldn’t be for a few hours, and that they were working on getting rooms available. She happily offered to hold his bag at the front desk and to help get him situated as soon as one was available.

He opened his mouth to accept, only for a text from Poe to arrive. It instructed Ben to bring his suit and be prepared to get dressed at the ceremony venue, knowing it would be a sweaty endeavor. Grunting over the whole situation, Ben tugged a hand through his hair. Kaydel demurely pushed a garment bag toward him. He did his best impression of a smile as he repacked his suit et. al into the hanging bag. He did mention to her that he’d take her up on her deal, although she was a bit flustered when he gave her the number to call.

An alarm on his phone chimed as she opened her mouth to say something. It was his time to head toward the ferry to take him to the island. Picking up his bag, he thanked Kaydel again as he turned away. She called out behind him, saying she’d hoped to see him at the reception that evening. Before he could process that too deeply, he scurried toward a stand near the dock.

A kind-looking tall wisp of a woman was running the stand, her wise eyes quickly taking Ben in. “Are you looking to catch the wedding on the island, dear?” There was something about her crystal clear voice and knowing half-smile that left Ben feeling a little more at ease.

“Yes. Is that common knowledge today?”

She nodded slowly, the morning sun reflecting off her mostly salt, less pepper hair. “Luke’s well known around here. When it caught wind that Poe was finally settling down, all of Andromeda Harbor breathed a sigh of relief. Luke included.” Her chuckle was deep and warm, like a warm cup of coffee. Ben relaxed a bit further. “But you look a bit like him. I’m surprised to see a new Skywalker face around here.”

Ben nodded back at her. “Luke is my mother’s twin.”

“Ah, that’d be it, then. You have your grandmother’s eyes, though.”

He softened at that. “My grandmother?”

Her half-smile blew into a full grin. “I met her a few times. Kind and clever as they came, and evened out your grandfather. He was my music tutor, way back when. Smart as a whip, stubborn as they came. A gifted composer, that’s for sure. He always remembered to write on my birthday, and he taught me how to drive a boat out there to Melody Isle.” She quieted for a moment. “It was tough to hear about his passing. He was a good friend to me. I’m sorry, young man.” 

“Ben,” he choked out. “I’m Ben.”

She smiled again at him. “Everyone around here calls me Ahsoka. You should, too.” He felt a tentative smile reflect hers. “Anyway, Ben. I’ll be there this evening too, but if you’re trying to catch the ferry to the island, you need to leave, oh, in the next minute or so.”

The tension in his shoulders was like an old friend.

He frantically felt around in his pocket for his wallet before he noticed Ahsoka laughing and shaking her head. “Go on, Ben. It’s on the house. I think something special is waiting for you, and I’d hate for you to miss it,” her eyes twinkling.

A nervous grin breaking on his face, Ben gripped his bag tight, rushing past the stand and onto the loading dock, hearing the echoes of Ahsoka’s deep laughs as he raced down.

* * *

The ferry captain had nodded in greeting, traces of a smile lingering on his face as Ben boarded. “Definitely got that Skywalker blood in you, son,” he drawled. He adjusted his hat and took to the helm of the ferry—really, more an overgrown tugboat—and breathed in the freshwater air.

This was supposedly a 15 minute ride, but the way the waves were knocking along the hull, Ben had a feeling it was going to be sooner, especially the way his stomach lurched. Time had a funny way of flying by when he was feeling nauseated. A few deep breaths, and even here, Ben could hear the soft ticks of the metronome in his head relaxing him enough so that he could lift his head. 

Now he could see the island coming into view. “Did you know my grandfather too?” he shouted. The man didn’t turn, but Ben heard the laugh in his voice. “You could say that.”

“You must know Luke too, then,” he yelled back.

This time, the man definitely chuckled. “Yeah, you could say that too.” The boat slowed to a smooth stop. Handing Ben his bags, the captain helped Ben disembark. While Ben gathered and took stock of himself, the man quickly began working to turn the boat back to the mainland. Just before he was out of earshot, he shouted back to Ben. “I expect I’ll see you on the way to the reception, young man!”

Before Ben could respond, he was back out on the water again. Quickly getting under his skin, this little town’s charms only confirmed that this exactly where his mother would have loved to be as a child.

As he walked up the dock and onto the paved road, it occurred to Ben that yeah, he could see why his uncle had moved back here to claim his inheritance.

The island was a marvel, with a sprawling expanse of open green landscape, the wind rustling the grass. There were chairs set up around a gazebo, fanning out in a quarter-circle. That must have been the ceremony space; oh, Poe would die for the photos. The gazebo was nestled in front of an expanse of trees, the remnants of the early morning fog floating away from the canopy like in fairy tales. The sun would be setting behind the trees as the ceremony ended, carefully timed by Rose and Finn, to symbolize the end of their lives as singles and the moon’s rise symbolizing their connected life together.

Of course, nothing could outshine the massive Craftsman home that his grandfather had commissioned for his grandmother so long ago. Ben had to give Luke credit as he surveyed the outside of the house. Despite being well over 70 years old, Luke had kept up with it well, and it was the jewel on the water his mother had described it as. For something he’d only ever heard his mother sigh about, it was stunning. The little stone cottage was still standing too, where his grandparents had lived while the house was being built.

Before the deep blue house, there was a paved road to walk on. The road wound a bit, leading to a sign post that read: “Melody Isle: Home of the Skywalkers since 1946.” He ran his fingers over the faded script, recognizing the beautiful strokes of Padmé Naberrie Skywalker’s impeccable penmanship. There was something glowing warmly in his heart, thinking of the calligraphy classes he took as a child after he read the careful inscriptions lettered along the photos in his mother’s favorite family album.

He climbed the slight hill to the house, knocking on the door. After a few moments, a very hassled Finn answered the door. He scanned Ben for half a second before he was pulled into both the house and Finn’s thick arms.

“OhmygodareyouasightforsoreeyesBenit’ssonicetoseeyouthrowyourbagsupstairsbecauseweneedhelp,” he breathed near Ben’s ear. Once it had all processed through Ben’s brain, the polite nod he had planned on acknowledging his cousin-in-kind-of-law-to-be slipped away. “Snap, my mom and my sister and a whole team are all setting up at the hotel for the reception back on the mainland, but we’re short over here helping set up.”

“Okay,” he said slowly as he peeled himself out of Finn’s grip. “Just any room upstairs?”

Finn nodded quickly, hands on his hips. “There are three bedrooms upstairs. Rose is in one, bless her, trying to relax with Paige. Poe and I are in one, and there’s an empty one no one’s claimed yet. There’s one down here too, but it’s got the stuff for outside in it now, but that’ll be back up for grabs later. There’s also a prayer circle for my future husband and wife, though I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that,” he added darkly. “We may shuffle where people will be changing when it gets closer to showtime, but I’m leaving that for Rose to figure out. Thank God for my brilliant future wife. Anyway, go stuff your stuff down for now and be prepared to roll up your sleeves.”

Ben nodded more vehemently. “I’ll try the empty one, then.” He charged up the stairs as Finn tried to take more deep breaths. Sunlight streamed down the hall through a wide window at each end of the hall, one on the left overlooking the trees, and one on the right overlooking the waves crashing along the island’s edge. There were three doors to his right, and three to his left from the middle of the stairs. The sides were laid out identically, with four total doors facing the stairs, and two total running in tandem with the small balcony where the stairs dropped down.

He could hear the familiar fast-paced shrieking of the Tico sisters to his left, so Ben decided to take his chance with the doors on the right. Listening for his cousin’s quick Guatemalan curses and hearing silence, Ben knocked on the door closest to the window. Getting no answer, he opened it slowly, only to be tackled by 60 pounds of excited fluff.

“Artoo! Down, boy!” his uncle called out before he seemed to recognize the nephew underneath. “Ah, Ben! I’m glad you’re here.” Luke helped pull his peppy Australian Shepherd back from Ben’s torso. “Sorry, we’re trying to keep the dogs together and contained for the ceremony, because Paige would have nothing less for Rose.” Artoo panted along happily as Ben scratched the dog’s head. Two quick barks from a Norwich terrier and Ben counted Threepio, Luke’s other dog. An even quicker bark meant that Bumblebee (Beebee, as Rose had affectionately renamed him), cocker spaniel of the Storm-Tico-Dameron house was present and accounted for, too.

Ben could only shake his head. “I’ll grab the one next door.” Luke seemed pleased with this, muttering to Ben about the bathroom across the hall.

“Oh, and Ben. I’m not sure if anyone told you, but feel free to leave your change of clothes here to come pick up tomorrow after everything’s all over.” Seeing Ben’s brow begin to furrow, he grinned. “The house will be locked up tonight; it’s normally pretty empty and open. The dogs and I live in the cottage next door these days, and you’d never be bothering us if you want to stop by. As far as I know, you’ll be the only one here tomorrow afternoon if you want to, y’know, see the house on its own merits. It’s actually a nice place in the summer for getaways. Your grandfather’s will insisted on it, and your mother, the faithful executor, got it all handled so that it’s set up for rental during the year. We make a killing, you know.” 

Ben nodded politely, his hand still on the doorknob from where he was reaching a full minute ago as Luke  _ kept talking. _ “Oh, of course, you’ve got other things to get to. Still, you’re welcome anytime. Melody Isle belongs as much to you as it does to me and your mom, since you’re family and all. Get the key from Paige whenever you’re ready.” Luke then disappeared behind the door, bursting into joyous laughter at his charges.

Ben could only shake his head as he  _ finally _ opened the door to a bedroom that was draped in soft blues and grays. He noted the sunlight peeking from behind silky curtains and draping over a large wingback chair in the corner facing the window. The bed was dressed similarly to the windows, blue and gray swirling to look awfully inviting. There was a closet with an ironing board and a wide and short dresser presenting a TV, perfectly level with the bed. 

Ben snorted as he read the note of the nightstand, displaying the Wi-Fi password and Luke’s phone number in case of emergency. His bags finally safe again, he laid on the bed for a brief moment before popping back up. The wedding was in less than 5 hours, after all.

He slipped out of the door, pulling it closed behind him. His steps slowed as he realized the Tico sisters had fallen deathly silent. Ben closed his eyes tightly and sighed. He really could just walk away, and if he jumped from his window, no one would blame him.

Like clockwork, there she was, dancing across his head, her laugh keeping him grounded.

He shook his head free of both her and his silly, fleeting thought as he knocked. “Paige? Rose? It’s Ben.” He paused for a beat. “I’m here to help—”

The new household was intent on pulling people across thresholds, and Ben was quickly getting tired of it.

The bride beamed at him before spitting out questions and demands in impossibly fast Vietnamese, Paige’s even faster tongue adding in layers.

Ben resisted the urge to fiddle for an exit before holding up his arms. “I know English and some bits of French. Choose either one of those.”

They both stopped immediately as Rose smiled as Ben, looking more exhausted than he’d ever seen her. “Sorry. Been a long morning. I’m glad to see you.” She gave Ben the quickest of hugs, and he allowed Paige a longer one. “You said you were here to help?”

He nodded, his back perfectly straight for her. “At your service, Ms. Tico.”

Paige snorted as Rose rolled her eyes. “You asked for it, Ben.”

* * *

Three hours and some change later and Ben surveyed his handiwork. He’d finished Rose’s list, and to be honest, it had looked pretty damn good.

The chairs were decorated in the rose gold—rose gold for Rose, of course—bows, each tied across the back. Finn, Poe, and Ben had worked together to create a network of glowing lights twinkling like stars around the gazebo. The aisles were lined with peachy forget-me-nots and pure white primroses, the flowers tied with shimmering navy blue and rose gold ribbons.

Poe had come out earlier to test the aisle’s width with Ben, the two awkwardly stumbling through to make sure there was enough room for the procession. Finn had figured out the electrical work to keep the lights going through the process, along with arranging refreshments that guests could grab as they waited for things to get started. Ben directed the DJ to the right spot. He was no expert on these things, but it was going to be an elegant evening, and he’d helped! 

Oddly enough, the cacophony of wedding chaos still wound its way through him, and he was finding his hips swaying to the strange rhythm in the air.

With less than an hour to go, none other than Hux himself stopped Ben in the chaos. Ben surprised himself, greeting him with a grin and Hux, looking more harried than normal, exhaled deeply in relief when he recognized Ben. Of course, he looked him over, the relief fading to disbelief. “Little underdressed for a ceremony like this, Ben?”

Ben blinked back at him for a second, still processing. He glanced down at his co-worker. “I’m heading in now. You look nice, though.” Black was a good color on him; somehow it softened Hux’s dramatic edge. Oh, Ben was getting sappier by the minute. “Where’s your date?”

Hux was looking harried again. “She’s—she—” He sputtered out a few words, his face twisted into something decidedly  _ unpleasant _ before a calm demeanor overtook him. “Honestly, I’ll need you tonight more than ever. She was getting too clingy and I broke it off with her. She’s cute, but not worth the trouble. If you see a pretty girl holding a drink and looking sad, avoid her.”

Ben could feel his blood pressure begin to rise as he took Hux by the lapel and dragged him further from the house. “Armitage Hux. Tell me you are not asking me to be your wingman  _ right after you dumped your girlfriend at a wedding," _ he hissed.

After having seen a lifetime of incredible acting, Ben had gotten pretty good at spotting a performance. Hux was barely phoning this one in. “We had different ideas of what was between us. I thought it was a fling. She didn’t. She’ll get over it…” he muttered.

Ben staggered back and really looked at this little weasel. The man didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. Whoever this woman was, Ben hoped she’d gone for his skinny little neck. Shaking his head, he stomped up to the house.

Of course, that was when he was met with a lovely looking Paige Tico, holding his suit on a hanger. Her hair was tied up in an artfully braided and knotted bun near her ear, and her face was delicately painted to enhance her features. Ben would have been thoroughly impressed, save the fluffy bathrobe she was wearing.

“Sorry Ben. I know you’d already claimed the room upstairs, but Jess smeared lipstick all over her dress, and I’m helping her figure it out in the room you were supposed to be in. I went ahead and pressed your outfit earlier, since I thought you might be short on time. If you hurry, the master bedroom downstairs should be closed for now. I know Snap is all ready and Poe is getting dressed. Finn looked murderous about five minutes ago and he took Rey in the empty room.” Her voice dropped off as she did a mental headcount. It occurred to Ben that he’d never met Finn’s mysterious family. 

Paige shook her head as she finished, refocusing on Ben. “Anyway, the master’s empty you can shower and get dressed in there, since we’ve all set up our battle stations up here. The key to the house is in your suit pocket.” She thrusted his things insistently at him, and he sighed, offering the same exhausted half-smile she gave him as he took them from her. “Thanks for being awesome, Ben.” She leaned up to hug him and pecked his cheek as she pulled away. “Some girl is getting lucky tonight,” she grinned brightly.

He chuckled as she disappeared behind a door. Wandering down the stairs, Ben couldn’t help but think about that impossibility, for just a moment. Paige had been with Snap for as long as he could remember, and while they were great together, his heart squeezed just a bit for the pair  _ they _ could have been.

Still though, his dancing dream couldn’t have been too far off from the horizon. He disrobed quickly, stepping into an incredible rainfall shower. The hot water ran over his skin, the tension from earlier pooling at his feet and flowing into the drain. He remembered Paige’s conditioning tip for extra silky smooth hair and even exfoliated. No, the only chance he was taking tonight was on love, not on dry skin or rough hair.

That sounded better when he thought it the first time.

Admiring the rest of the bathroom—clean, minimalist lines with a tub for two and extraordinarily soft towels—Ben dried and dressed expediently, making sure to dab the cologne twice, back-comb the hell out of his now shiny, soft hair with a hint of product, and slip his pocket square into the gray suit. His blue socked feet slid easily into deeply brown derbies.

Ben rubbed the trimmed goatee running along under his chin, his mustache finally growing in thicker. Mother Nature had bestowed a great gift for his 28th birthday last November: enough facial hair to spite his mother for her years of cooing at her “baby-faced” son. Truly, a gift for both him and Han. Stealing his father’s favorite move, Ben licked his index and pinky fingers to smooth out his eyebrows, trying out the roguish grin his dad was famous for. 

Look out, ladies of the reception. Ben Solo had arrived, back on the market.

He spun on his heel to head outside, nearly crashing into Finn, who seemed to be rushing as he hurried down to the gazebo, where he explained something to the officiant—was that the boat captain?—quickly. Ben chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters.

There were assorted cucumber and mint waters out front where guests had begun to pile in. His mother waved him over to an empty seat as the man, indeed the captain, disappeared into the crowd, looking for someone.

Ben took one long last sip of his drink as the captain, looking a little irritated, took his place at the gazebo as soft music began to play. It was showtime.


	4. Love at First Sight - The Brobecks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much what it says on the tin. The wedding begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dallon Weekes writes the most beautiful songs for his wife. This song and one near the end formed the backbone of this story, and smacked in the face with inspiration more than any others.

Ben picked at his pant leg, his toes wiggling in his shoes. The afternoon sun was lazily rolling through the sky, its bottom edge now hidden behind the tallest of the trees.

He turned around as he scanned the other chairs around here. Ahsoka hadn’t been kidding about the whole town breathing a sigh of relief; there were well over 200 people here. Oddly enough, hers wasn’t among the faces in the crowd. He could have sworn she said she’d be here. There were a few other people he could see in the crowd that were there as he arrived that morning too, including the woman from earlier, Kaydel. Ben squirmed as he thought about who may have been watching his bag at  _ The Fallen Star’s _ front desk.

Guests were chatting lightly as they waited for the procession to begin, and something about the hum of chattering voices made him anxious. He spotted Hux near the front, his scowl even deeper and pointed at the foot of the gazebo.  _ The  _ **_nerve_ ** _ of the bastard, having the gall to act angry when he dumped his girlfriend at a fucking wedding. _

Before Ben could think too deeply about Hux’s love life, the music began to pick up in volume. He closed his eyes as he took in the piece flowing through him. The blend of piano, cello, and flute was romantic and well-balanced. Ben hid a smile, appreciating the symbolism: Poe, light and airy, charismatically leading the melody; Rose, the practical, harmonizing force to keep her partners shining brightly; and Finn, the steady rhythm of the bass line, keeping the tempo and his partners balanced and relaxed.

When Ben opened his eyes again, everyone was watching a watery-eyed Paige Tico walk down the aisle with a proud Snap Wexley, his navy blue suit coordinating well with the delicate and glittering peach-gold fabric Paige was wrapped in. As they made their way forward, they only had eyes for each other, and Ben knew for sure that his passing thought of himself and Paige would always be just that. The pair of them separated once they arrived in the open gazebo, where the boat captain stood, beard trimmed neatly and dressed in formal blues, hat included. Paige held her bouquet of primroses tightly as she moved to just behind the captain’s right; Snap shuffled less delicately to the opposite position on the captain’s left.

He heard his mother’s sniffle from two chairs over as the music swelled, the flute becoming more pronounced as Poe and Luke came down the aisle first. Poe was beaming brighter than the afternoon sun as his father whispered something to him as they walked. Once they’d reached the step of the gazebo, Luke hugged his son fiercely, their exchanges words bringing tears to father and son’s eyes alike. Ben, being seated in the first row, caught the longer-than-strictly-necessary gaze between the captain and his uncle as Luke sat in the empty chair nearest Leia. Poe took his place beside Snap, who patted his shoulder, the men sharing a grin.

The flute faded to match the piano as the cello began to rise, and all eyes were back on the aisle entrance as Finn and his tiny mother began to sweep down next. His hands seem to tremble as Mazlene Kanata (“Maz,” as Luke called her) rubbed his back, just until his eyes met Poe’s. Their matching smiles trembled as Poe bit his lip and bounced in place lightly. Finn’s steps picked up as the crowd chuckled along with his mother as she tried to match her son’s gait.

Once they reached the step, Finn turned to her, leaning down so she could kiss his cheek and pat it gently. Maz didn’t say anything, but anyone watching read the message silently passing between their eyes. She turned and made her way to the seat next to Luke. Meanwhile, Poe had outstretched his hand to Finn below, who took it as he climbed the step. The two men shared a breathy laugh as Finn squeezed his hand. The cello’s notes settled to match the flute as the piano took control of the song.

A hush fell over the crowd as Rose began her walk up. Leia, along with several other guests, were weeping openly as the bride glided toward her partners, a stoic giant man whose shaggy reddish-brown hair and beard looked oddly fitting in place next to her. It was his “uncle” Chewie, his father’s best friend and the Ticos’ boss at the menswear shop back home. Paige had told Ben about how he’d been their second father after their parents had died a few years ago.

As Ben watched her waft by him, he felt a sniffle threatening to break. Rose was ethereal in her rose gold dress: the sparkling sweetheart bodice fit her like a glove, with bunches of fabric bursting at the waist and trailing behind her like a princess, her bouquet of forget-me-nots tied with a long, deep blue ribbon, and her jet black hair tumbling over one shoulder like a waterfall. She was absolutely the star of the show, and Leia’s tears were falling even faster.

As the pair reached the gazebo, Chewie turned to Rose, kneeling to meet her eye-to-eye. He gripped her shoulders and his lower lip trembled, the only warning before the giant man burst into tears, hugging Rose close. She rubbed his back, whispering to him gently and pulling apart to wipe some of the tears away. He mumbled some low words that sounded like Russian to Ben, and Rose quickly replied with a triumphant grin. He laughed as he stood, sweeping her into his arms and off her feet, swinging her momentarily before setting her back down, sharing another look. Satisfied, he leveled a withering warning glare to Poe and Finn, who stiffened for a millisecond before nodding. Nodding back, his uncle Chewie took the empty seat next to Ben; his father smacked Chewie’s back once, the two men sharing a grin.

Poe and Finn each offered their non-connected hands to Rose, who grabbed them both as she stepped between them. She pulled them into a tight embrace, three foreheads touching for a steady moment. Leaning back, all three pairs of eyes shined with unshed tears as the captain cleared his throat.

“Welcome, friends and family. My name is Captain Antilles, and I think we’re just about ready to tie these three together in perfect union. You three ready?”

Each member nodded, grinning brightly.

Captain Antilles’ deep chuckle filled the gazebo. “Alright then, let’s get you hitched.”

* * *

Ben’s attention had become as hazy as the setting sun. The bride and her two grooms were nodding a lot as the captain spoke on true love and creating a family where there wasn’t one before. The captain then bowed and gestured to Poe first. 

Finn and Rose stood together as Poe pledged to fight and love them both fiercely, his eyes shining as he spoke about keeping their family unit fresh and full of laughter. As he finished, he slid silver bands onto Finn and Rose’s left ring fingers. He squeezed each of their hands as they stepped together. 

Finn pulled away next, vowing to always keep his family nurtured and provided for; he spoke about keeping their union calm, and about never letting a day go by without Poe and Rose each knowing how much they meant to him, how much their love meant to him. Finn repeated Poe’s actions, sliding on silver bands onto Poe and Rose’s fingers. 

Stepping up, Rose cleared her throat, her clear voice booming as she promised to Finn and Poe to always keep them grounded, and that she’d always keep them in check. That seemed to get a good laugh out of the crowd before she went on. She then promised that Finn and Poe would never stray too far from her heart, and that even when they fought in the future, she’d never let them go without resolving a problem. Her set of rings joined the bands present on her grooms’ fingers.

Ben thought of the sparkling laugh and fleeting touches that had been haunting him for weeks now. Maybe they could go to the next one together. Her normally faint presence was stronger on this island as the throple basked in each other’s loving gazes, encouraging him that this was his end goal.

The ceremony continued straight ahead. The captain read out some words in old Celtic, and everyone in attendance felt the winds begin to rise and blow around the gazebo, tousling Rose’s and Poe’s hair and sending a shiver through Finn. Captain Antilles reached behind him, pulling out a braid of navy blue, gray, and rose gold fabric, tying the braid to one of Rose’s wrists and looping the braid over the other. She handed her bouquet to Paige as Poe and Finn each copied the pattern. Finally, the three of them worked to the remaining ends in a symbolic knot, tying their lives together forever. As they pulled it tight, the wind died just as soon as it swelled, twirling a loose curl in Rose’s hair before caressing Ben’s face as it slipped away.

The captain proclaimed that they were now as married as state law would allow, and they could figure out the kiss(es) for themselves. He stepped back as a few chuckles rippled through the crowd. Finn and Poe each leaned down to kiss the corners of Rose’s lips as people applauded and cheered. The men shared a brief kiss before breaking apart so that Rose could kiss her husbands in quick succession.

The three of them beamed as Snap stepped forward, announcing that drinks were now being served on the boat, and the newlyweds would be joining them shortly once photos were finished. True to their design, a faint visage of the moon was peeking from the mainland as the sun vanished behind the trees, streaking the sky in a blaze of color. The pictures would be memorable, that was for sure.

The crowd began breaking, with guests headed for the boat ride back to the mainland. Ben stood up to head that way, halted by his mother’s ridiculous sobbing. Han had a hand to his forehead.

“Leia, please,” he groaned. “Chewie, Luke and Maz are all holding it together, no problem. Our son is even the one getting married!”

Leia’s sobs had been dwindling until that line about Ben, then they were back in full force. For his part, Ben had already flushed through his ears, eyes wide. _ "Mom!" _ Ben hissed.

That got her fiery temper back. “Do  _ not _ use that tone with me, Benjamin,” she threatened, the tears practically steaming off her face. If she saw Ben rolling his eyes, she let it be. She adjusted the bottom of her light jacket and stood, already re-composed, dwarfed between the Solo men. “Shall we?” she grinned before marching along to the dock in the distance.

Han gripped his son’s shoulder, mouth grim as he stared after Leia. “I’ll warn you, son: I plan on keeping a drink in my hand and the General in check tonight, but I make no guarantees. Keep an eye during the reception for the mother-son dance, because she’ll find you otherwise. You know how that would go.” He squeezed lightly, taking in his son’s appearance for the first time that day. He grunted in approval. “You clean up good. Try to have fun tonight, Ben.” With that, he trailed after his wife.

Ben took a last look at the wedding party on the gazebo and their thrilled smiles. Now that he’d seen what he could have, he was hungrier for it now more than ever. Summoning some of the confidence from earlier, Ben made his way to the boat.

* * *

Confidence was bullshit.

As soon as Ben stepped on the boat, surrounded by the swath of the compressed, chatting crowd, Ben’s pulse was pounding in his ears as his confidence sweated out. There were  _ so many people _ here. It was one thing to try and approach someone when Ben could see more than three feet in front of him. It was totally different when they were all packed in here like sardines. Sure, the bar was in here, but it was sweltering in here. How could they all be in here,  _ mingling, _ as Ben was about to explode from the proximity?

Ben felt air leaving the room. He couldn’t stay here, he couldn’t. Thankfully, there was a patio that had gone most unnoticed near him. Sliding between a few older, chuckling guests, Ben breathed in fresh evening air as he escaped, the stars glowing like embers in the rapidly darkening sky. Taking a deep breath and smoothing a wrinkle in his suit pants, he realized there was a staircase off to the side. It led to a balcony on the stern. Ben used those long legs to get to the lonely alcove. 

Finally able to breathe normally, Ben watched his hands slow their shaking. The silhouette of Melody Isle slipped away into the horizon as the boat cruised along steadily. Who in the fuck was he kiddding here? He could handle talking to one (1) woman in the right circumstances, but he was so badly out of his depth. He should have stayed home,  _ he shouldn’t have come tonight— _

That was when Paige appeared, like the ghost of conviction past.

If rage could kill, Ben would be a pile of ash right now. _ "Ben!" _ she hissed. “What is going on with you? There’s a load of single women crawling around here, you look like sex on legs, and  _ you are hiding out here like—" _ She stopped abruptly when Ben caught her eyes, his own wide and mouth trembling. “Ben? You okay?”

Ben shook his head in micro motions, more jerked than anything else. “I’m sorry, Paige. I thought I could do this.” 

Paige’s face had softened so quickly, and somewhere in his mind, Ben was grateful. She reached out, her hands on Ben’s shoulders, head hung in resignation. “Jesus, Ben. Tell me what’s happening with you.”

Ben frowned at her position. “Don’t let me be a  _ burden _ to you with my anxiety. I’d hate to ruin your night with my panic,” he spat.

Paige didn’t seem to like that answer, glaring at him. “You are not a burden. I am trying to help you because we are part of the same  _ family _ now, dumbass,” she spat back. “Your defensive act won’t work on me.” She regarded the party nearby. “Is it the people, Ben? There’s a lot of people here.”

Ben dropped his haunches. Paige dropped her arms, crossed loosely at her waist now. The fight left him soon after; he always felt so exhausted at things like this. Paige just seemed to wait for his answer. “Yeah,” he finally said after a while. “There’s too many people in this space and it’s messing with my head. I don’t know how to go up to anyone.”

Paige nodded as she processed. “Okay, I have an idea.” Ben gestured that he was still listening. She looked him in the eye, determined again. “Here’s what’s going to happen: the boat will be on the mainland soon. Everyone is going to deboard pretty quickly; the liquor at the reception is supposed to be really good. Poe had Luke spring for the good stuff, all that Skywalker money.” She didn’t seem to notice Ben’s flinch at that name while she chuckled. “Once it seems like everyone’s off the boat, then you get off, too. Find your table setting. Once you see someone you can talk to, wait until she goes to get a drink, then talk to her.” She raised a hand as Ben began objecting. “I know it sounds cheesy, but you’re the one picking up single women at a wedding, man.”

That shut Ben’s objections up quick.

Paige continued. “I’ll be up with the wedding party, so I can’t bail you out too fast, but I’ll keep an eye out for you. Remember what I told you last week, and I promise you’ll be fine.” She regarded him slowly. “You don’t have to meet the love of your life tonight, Ben. You only have to try and have fun. It’s a party. I know you can do this.” 

Ben huffed, rolling his eyes. As if it were that simple. Still, he felt the knot in his chest loosening. “Thank you.”

She laughed, lightly punching his shoulder once. “Anytime, Ben. Stay here and get your bearings. I’ll see you at the reception.” With that, she slipped back to the party.

The water and sky were equally dark now, the stars glittering gently above him. The wind rustled his hair as he felt a phantom touch on his cheek. He didn’t have to meet the love of his life, only practice for when he met her. He couldn’t lose focus on the objective. Paige was right, he could do this.

* * *

Ben was cursing himself for dwelling on that quote. If the entire universe was going to be his key co-conspirator to find the love of his life, it  _ at least _ could have given him something to ease the tension in his shoulders. There was something in the air tonight, and it had his heart pounding. 

Despite every urge to get up and pace, he stayed sitting at his spot at the table, mentally counting as people chattered. He’d followed Paige’s instructions to the letter, and though he was still feeling a little anxious about tonight, he did feel calmer knowing he’d set himself up well. He had a good eye line on the door; it was a straight shot from his chair. Poe knew him well. The venue was nicely decorated, with scattered flower petals on tables and tiny warm lights dimly glowed above him, a facsimile of the stars twinkling outside.

The wedding party was due to arrive any moment, and it was making Ben antsy. Table assignments put him with his parents, Captain Antilles, and Chewie, although he apparently was due in with the wedding party. There was an empty place where Ben’s date would have been. He decided something, looking at that chair. This would be the last time it was empty, he’d make sure of it.

Looking around again, he noticed that a fair number of guests had already called it a night, thinning the crowd considerably. Ben’s hands unclenched at that. There were a few new faces, though, including Ahsoka, from earlier. She pierced his gaze, her wise eyes trying to convey  _ something _ and smiling cryptically before chuckling at what must have been an excellent inside joke. 

Pulling back from her knowing look, Ben spotted a positively  _ fuming _ Hux at the far corner of the party. He must have pissed off someone royally to be shoved back that far.  _ Good, the prick. _

Just like before, though, Ben didn’t have time to dwell too deeply on Hux. Suddenly, the DJ announced and introduced the newly married Dameron family unit. 

People started clapping and cheering as Poe, Rose, and Finn entered with intertwined hands, joy clear on their faces. Soon after, Luke entered, flanked by the intimidating combination of the towering Chewie and Maz. Ben got the feeling her size was more in personality, like his own mother. Behind them were three people, the first two being Paige and Snap; Ben had to shift a little to see the third, but time slowed to stop when he did.

Ben’s mind blanked as he took in the stranger. Chestnut hair in a messy topknot topped a face with sun-kissed peach skin, which smoothed the edges of sharp lines in her jaw and cheekbones. Ben wasted precious time  _ blinking _ as he stretched in his chair to catalog the rest of her features.

Her cheeks shimmered with pink and gold, the color around her eyes the same rosy shade; perfectly white teeth were outlined by a set of full lips, glossy and peach pink. Loose strands fell to frame her face perfectly. But it was her striking eyes that held him: shimmering and warm like honey, but with a daring challenge that had his heart racing.

Ben forgot how to breathe. How had he missed her earlier? He couldn’t have, he wouldn’t have—

He was snapped from his reverie as  _ seething rage _ flashed crossed her face as she spotted something, though she quickly smoothed it out, falling back into her role as dutiful party member as the group took their seats, Chewie joining the table Ben was sitting at. Who or whatever had set her off was seemingly no longer her priority as she rubbed Finn’s shoulder before taking her seat.

Of course. She had to be Finn’s enigmatic sister; she had been off at college across the country for most of her brother’s courtship and had missed most of the planning stages of this wedding.

Still, how had he missed her earlier tonight? And why in the cinnamon toast  _ fuck _ was his brain failing him all of a sudden? He had heard her name before, he was sure of it! He mentally flailed as he pored over every memory, every conversation.  _ Someone _ had to have mentioned her—

His train of thought derailed abruptly as Han jerked with a hiss, seemingly choking on whiskey beside him. Leia only demurely wiped her mouth, the lingering grin not quite hidden from her face. Ben distantly registered Paige’s voice as she took the microphone, welcoming everyone to the party and said something about drinks. Were things always this fuzzy?

Drinks! Right, that was Ben’s signal word. He was supposed to watch for when she got a drink, then he’d approach her. He’d be cool and casual. She was just Finn’s sister, after all. He could flirt, he could do this. Even if he made a mistake—made a—

_ No.  _ He absolutely could not fuck this up; he could do this. Whoever this woman was, she was another step to finding the right one, and every single encounter would bring him ever closer.

He didn’t have to wait too long for his moment, because that lovely little woman was making her way to the bar. Ben shot up, eyes following her smooth movements. He swore internally at Rose or Paige. He could understand putting her in deep navy because of her ties to Finn, but  _ god _ , did they have to choose a short dress for her? So much tanned leg was on tantalizing display. Great, now Ben could add his dick to the growing list of possible complications. Still, he was a man on a mission, and if he stopped now, he’d take hours to get his nerve back. By then, someone else would have swept her up, and he could not afford anyone else that chance.

She was a little ahead of him, biting her lip as she eyed the available cocktail options. Ben swooned back a little. This could be treacherous. He had to persist, though. He cleared his throat after he stood there a moment. She turned her head to him, pink dusting her cheeks when their eyes locked. “Yes?”

Ben faltered. She was even more stunning up close. Of course,  _ of course _ —her voice was as honeyed as her eyes, deep and melodious. It was rich and he wanted to drown in it. “I...” Red quickly overtook his cheeks and ears. No more words would come.

Gold bangles clanged together lightly as she repositioned, cocking her head. God, did she have to be so _ cute?  _ “Are you alright?” Her voice was sweet and pleasant, but there was worry brimming underneath the surface.

_ Say something, dummy. _ “Oh yeah,” Ben coughed. “I’m…” his eyes moved from hers to her mouth, then back up again. “Perfect,” he finished.

_ Nice one, dumbass. _

Her eyebrows shot into her hairline as a giggle escaped, light and mirthful. She had tried to cover it with her hand, but Ben was mesmerized by the twist of her mouth. That giggle immediately became Ben’s favorite sound. She bit her lip as she regained control over that giggle, and Ben’s mind helpfully supplied him with the new lifelong objective: if he couldn’t spend the foreseeable future kissing and nibbling on that lovely little lip, he was certain the agony of failing would kill him.

“Alright, Mr. Perfect,” she drawled, nearly matching his baritone voice with her contralto, reaching past him for her finished drink. All of the heat blooming in his face collectively decided to change course due south effectively immediately as he caught a glimpse of her pert little butt. “I’ve got sister-of-the-groom duties, but maybe I’ll bump into you later. Gotta refill this drink at some point,” Her eyelashes fluttered as she began to walk away.

It was decided: Ben would die in Andromeda Harbor, and this woman would be listed as cause of death. “Yeah, drinking’s the best,” he breathed.

Something flashed across her face, but it was too quick for Ben to see. Her eyes brightened as she did a little curtsy and turned on her strappy gold heel. He watched her, frozen to the spot, as she slipped away. Her navy blue dress bared her shimmering shoulders, with the light, layered fabric of her skirt fading to a bright white as the flared bottom grazed her knee. Her long, golden legs were carrying her away quickly. She glanced back over her shoulder at Ben, raising a glass in a wave. Ben had just enough presence of mind to wave back as she slipped away onto the other side of the dance floor.

Ben’s other hand immediately met his face.  _ “Drinking’s the best?” Are you  _ **_fucking_ ** _ kidding me? _ The bartender, an older gentleman, tutted softly before he poured Ben a tall shot of scotch. “On the house,” the man offered solemnly. He regarded it before murmuring a word of thanks and downing the shot, scorching his throat as it went. Then he got a full order of that, swilling it as he watched the woman who’d reduced him to little more than stammers. She was smiling at something her brother was saying, lovely and outshining everyone on that stage. He took a long swig of the burning liquid.

_ What had just happened to him? _

The DJ took over the microphone then, announcing that hors d'oeuvres would be available throughout the night, but right now, it was time for the first dance. Throwing on a poppy number, the lights were brought down a bit, making everything more hazy. Rose, Finn, and Poe took to the dance floor.

Ben took this opportunity to slip onto the patio. It was quiet out here under the stars. He sank down against a wall, drink in hand. How did she manage it? Ben wasn’t what anyone would call “confident,” or “social,” or “particularly friendly,” but he was okay at talking to people. He had flirted with women before. And yet in front of her, he’d forgotten everything Paige had advised. He’d self-destructed. This was so classically Ben.

He sipped more of the whiskey. After he got used to the burn of it, it wasn’t all that bad. He swirled it around in the glass. An ex had called his eyes the same color as this.  _ (“They’re so smoky, like scotch. So hot.”)  _ He chuckled at that, but then he zeroed in on that line of thought. He  _ had _ overcome this before. If other women had thought he was worth his awkward talk and still worth pursuing, maybe she would too. Ben took another drink, this time swallowing with ease. He’d just have to turn on the Solo charm.

He shuddered, looking at the whiskey in his hand. If Han was the one guiding his interactions for the rest of the night, he really would screw this up. Determined nonetheless, Ben stood up, squared his shoulders, and went back inside.


	5. All the Boys - Panic! at the Disco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reception continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the real opening lines my husband gave me as an 18-year-old. Here's six pages of sparks flying.

The crowd had thinned a bit along the edges, which made it easier to spot—there, toward the back of the dance floor was the woman he was looking for. She was dancing around with a man who was chatting animatedly. Disappointment started to rise in him before he looked a little closer; she was looking terribly disinterested in her partner. The playing song’s chords faded and she quickly dropped her arms from his body. It may have been the whiskey affecting his eyes, but it looked like she was searching for someone now. This was it: his opening. He rushed onto the dance floor, catching her eye. A half-smile crept onto her face as the announcer called for the mother-son dance.

Ben closed his eyes in anguish, feeling the familiar piercing gaze on his back.  _ Not now. Please not now. _ He poked open an eye to see Leia standing expectantly on his right, hand outstretched. “Come on, Ben,” she commanded lightly. He turned back to see his  _ intended _ partner’s hand failing to hide a deeply amused smile. Ben cursed as he turned to take his mother to the dance floor.

A few other mother-son couples swayed nearby, including Finn and Maz, and somewhat adorably, Poe and Luke. Ben glared darkly, though Leia was unaffected, raising an eyebrow in response.

“You plan on setting that glare to  _ stun _ anytime soon, son? I don’t know if I’ve earned that tonight.”

Ben scoffed, twirling his mother away. “That’s pretty rich, coming from you.” She barked a laugh at him. “I’m serious. There is a vision of a woman who I need to ask to dance tonight or die trying. Then  _ you _ hone in on me like a damn heat-seeking missile and pull me away as soon as I catch her eye again!”

Leia pursed her lips. “You know, that’s really quite funny, seeing as I recall watching you burst into flames at the bar not ten minutes ago before you ran off to sulk. I, on the other hand, have been listening and chatting with several of the young women here tonight. One really cute one  _ in the wedding party _ can’t seem to keep her eyes to herself. I was just about to introduce you,” she hissed icily, “Benjamin.”

Ben was definitely  _ not _ flushing from embarrassment at being chastised by his mother in public. “Not that I need it, since I can handle myself,” he defended haughtily before he lowered his head and his volume, sighing as the song swelled in the background. “I really dropped the ball earlier, Mom,” he admitted, his eyes catching on hazel ones in the distance. “I think I might have a shot with her if I do this right, but I’m...nervous.”

Leia shook her mother, chuckling. “You know she’s Maz Kanata’s daughter, right? They may not be blood related, but a lot of fire runs through the women in that family.” Ben hummed affirmatively. His mother snorted, though not unkindly. “Rey Jackson. I never would have guessed. She’s a different kind of woman than who you’ve dated before. Pretty, smart as a whip, kind heart. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. Fierce, too, but I suppose that’s practically a requirement. It’s those Solo and Skywalker genes in you drawing you in, you know.”

Ben hummed as he watched as Rey’s head be thrown back as she laughed at something Rose said. As her laughs subsided, she peered over at him from the corner of her eye, that familiar half-smile flirting with her mouth. Ben felt the blush rising again and he dropped his gaze, caught. Leia searched his face for a second before chortling deep belly laughs as he spun her toward the floor.

The song was thankfully coming to a close. Leia regarded her son once more, smiling warmly at what she found. “Best of luck to you, Ben,” she murmured, patting his cheek and stepping away. Ben felt strong enough to smile back, watching his father take his mother by the arm back to the table, their light bickering warming a spot in his chest.

He took a deep breath, summoning his courage as the next song played its opening chords. He turned his head to walk toward the woman of his captive attention—

—only to see her previous spot vacated. Somehow, she’d slipped away from him again.

Deflating quickly, Ben ran a hand through his hair and back around to hold his jaw. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He shook his head and cursed under his breath. Shoulders slumping, he turned back toward the front of the dance floor, only to stumble and find his arms full of person, hair tickling his chin. He swore a little louder this time, quickly stepping back. “Shit, I’m sorry—”

“I’m not,” sung a familiar, sultry voice. Ben’s breath lodged in his throat, and he prayed he wasn’t just dreaming. No, there she was, messy topknot and all. Those glittering eyes—now he was close enough to see a deeply green rim etched around the gold, he was so  _ fucked, _ damn—peeked up at him through thick, dark lashes and he was baptized in the scent of honeysuckle and peaches. “I’ve been just standing around, waiting for you to bump into me again.” She bit that damned lip again, the one Ben would gladly face perdition for. “It seemed like you needed a push.”

This girl had spent her night waiting for him? Oh, Ben could just  _ die. _ He sucked in a breath, her scent nestling easily in his lungs.  _ What did Paige say to do next? _ “I’m glad you did,” he exhaled shakily, biting his lip to mirror hers. “I normally can talk to people, but someone like you makes me need a drink first.”

Her face fell, and the instant sweep of indignation left Ben with whiplash as his brain caught up to his mouth. She muttered something about _ asshole _as he mentally slapped a hand to his forehead a few times. She’d already pulled back and started to turn away when he called out to her.

“No, wait! Wait.” She paused, shoulders drawn in tight. Her ears were perked, though.  _ This is it, Solo; make it count. _ “I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean that as poorly as it came out. I promise I’m not normally this hopeless.” He exhaled again, this time more smoothly. “You’re just...you’re so intimidating. I knew that I had one shot with you, and that I really didn’t want to screw this up.”

She snorted, turning to face him with her hands planted on her hips. “Intimidating?”

Ben nodded quickly, taking a step toward her. She didn’t shrink away, so he kept talking. “Yes. You’re intimidating. With your smile, your eyes, your laugh. Everything about you has been pulling me in since I saw you tonight, and I couldn’t find the right words to tell you just how I can’t look away from you,” he breathed.

She was growing pinker under the warm lights, anger fading fast. “Sounds intimidating,” she murmured, the smile returned.

He laughed quietly under the lights, glad that charm was finally kicking in. When he opened his eyes again, the world around her went soft and fuzzy. Fuck, _ fuck, _this girl and her smile. “You have no idea.” He straightened his back and cleared his throat. “Can I start over with you? Maybe tell you how this would’ve gone in my head when I bumped into you the second time?”

Her answering smile was nothing short of dazzling. “I’m open to exploring that.”

Nervous joy fluttered through him. “Okay. After casually running into you, I would have a suave line about how we keep running into each other. I’d compliment your dress, saying something like,” he paused, looking her over, her amused eyes twinkling, “‘you are so captivating in that color, it’s no wonder I can’t stay away,’ then I’d offer to get you a drink.”

Her smile grew. “I’d probably say something like, ‘oh, I’d like that. The peach one I had earlier was good.’ And then I’d tell you how tall, dark and handsome men don’t appear to me often enough.”

A shot of pleased confidence surged through Ben. “I’d hand you your drink. I’d be extra smooth and confident as I introduced myself, like this,” he dropped his voice down an octave, just like Paige had suggested. “‘I’m Ben Solo, and I’d love to dance with you.’”

She fought and lost against a wave of giggles. “So suave.” Ben shrugged in agreement. Once she could speak again, her eyes took on a teasing glint. “Okay then. I’d make a joke about your name being Mr. Perfect, since that’s what you said the first time.” He chuckled at that as she beamed. “And then I’d say, ‘it’s nice to meet you, Ben Perfect Solo. I’m Rey Jackson, and I'm always glad to dance.’ But I have to say, suave is great and all, but I think I like you better this way,” her voice trailed off as she peeked up through her eyelashes again.

The air between them grew thinner as Ben’s breath hitched. Somewhere around them, the next melody drifted in the air. “Oh,” his voice just a breath above the hum of the crowd. “Well, maybe we can just go from here,” he offered, still a little breathless, helpless to catch her infectious smile. “Hello, Rey.”

Her hand had found his, their fingers twining. Whiskey and honey eyes regarded the locked hands carefully before meeting again. Her reply was just as quiet, her smile now shy. “Hello, Ben.”

Time seemed to slow around them as Ben squeezed her hand, warm and soft. “I heard you like to dance. Will you dance with me?”

Her glossy lip caught between her teeth as she squeezed his hand back. “Sounds perfect,” she murmured, leading him to the dance floor.

* * *

Ben could barely breathe.

He and Rey stepped to the floor and she slid close to him, like the space was meant for her. She was by no means a short woman, and her tall gold shoes had her hairline dangerously close to brushing his chin. It had taken her no time at all to step into starting position, one precise hand landing on his shoulder. Ben followed suit, his hand falling to the crook of her waist. 

As they whirled slowly around the floor, Ben’s eyes drifted closed, focusing in on his other senses: the inviting floral and fruity smell wafting from her hair, the warm, poppy song lazily swirling through the air, the thrum of their intermingling pulses in his palm. This was…easy, in a way it had never been before.

Ever perceptive, Rey squeezed his hand. “Everything okay up there, Ben? You’re not about to pass out on me, are you?”

His eyes met hers, a faint smile to match. “Not at all. Actually, I was just thinking about how normally I have to watch my feet during a dance like this, but it’s very easy with you. I can concentrate on other things, like what I’ll say when we aren’t dancing.”

She snorted a giggle away. “I’m not difficult to talk to, I swear.”

“Sounds like something who’s difficult to talk to would say,” he accused, tone nonchalant. That got a real laugh out of her. She really was laughing at his jokes! There was hope for him tonight.

“Okay. I’ll prove it.” She squared her shoulders and her eyes narrowed a bit. “You said you normally have to watch your feet when you do this. Do you ballroom dance a lot?”

“I do. My mother was a state senator for a while. I’ve been to a lot of benefits and charity events.” He met her curious gaze evenly. “Lots of dancing comes with the territory.” She was quiet as she digested this information, humming for a moment. “What about you? You’re either a natural or very well-practiced.”

Her smile was mysterious as she chose her words. “You could say I’ve been dancing my whole life,” she offered. Without missing a beat, she read his cues and gracefully handled a twirl, their connected hands holding her steady as she spun fluidly in one spot. Her skirt flared as she went, swishing through the air before she slowed, sliding her hand back to its place on his shoulder; he pulled her waist a hair closer than before. 

She raised a brow at him as they moved back to slowly sliding among the other couples swaying around. “Now I get another question. I’ll go for something  _ personal. _ What do you eat on your favorite sandwich?”

He scoffed. “Softball question.” There was no bite to it though, and based on her delighted grin, they both knew it.

“Hey, you didn’t qualify. It counts. Spill the beans, Ben,” she goaded.

One dramatic, long-suffering sigh later, Ben cracked an eye at her. Laughter was barely contained in her eyes, so he must have been doing something right. “Fine, detective. I like peanut butter, it’s my go-to.”

She nodded lightly. “I can get behind that. A little basic, maybe, but a classic for a reason,” she teased. Ben drew back in mock outrage, and she didn’t even try to contain her laughter anymore.

_ "Basic? _ How very rude,” he sniffed, dragging this out a little more. “I bet you’re the type to smear  _ marshmallow fluff _ with your peanut butter.”

Her mouth quirked up before her face smoothed into a grave look. “Not just marshmallow fluff. Bananas and Nutella, all smeared together. If I’m feeling a little crazy, I’ll even shake some sprinkles onto it.”

Ben could only shudder in response.  _ "Sacrilege,” _ he whispered, equally solemn. They held it together for just another beat before they both burst in a fit of snickering.

Once they subsided, Rey peered back up at him before she dropped her hands. Ben’s brow furrowed as his hands fell instinctively before he realized that the song had switched to something with a quicker tempo. Her hands were twisting as she watched his face, hope and trepidation clear on hers.  _ This woman was precious. _ “Did you want to go for a second dance then, Ben?”

His heart nearly burst. _ "Nothing _ sounds better to me right now, Rey.” He looked around at Rose, Finn, and Poe bopping around each other in a flurry of movement. “You’ll have to take the lead, though.”

She grinned, mischief written all over her face as she reached for his hand. “Allow me, Mr. Solo,” she said crisply as he followed her into the throng of gyrating twentysomethings.

* * *

Once they had gone for another few rounds, the announcer called for toasts, so they had to clear the floor as Snap and Paige took center stage. Ben found an empty table and grounded himself, Rey tagging along beside him.

Snap cleared his throat, grinning as he began his speech. Ben caught a few points about Poe before Rey caught the edge of his vision. Her bright eyes were focused as she rested her temple against the back of a hand. But what surprised him was to see her finger lightly tapping along with Snap’s toast, like she was keeping tempo.

There were laughs rippling through the air as Snap finished up, clapping Poe on the back. Paige swept to the microphone next, looking at a teary-eyed Rose.

Soon there were sniffles throughout the crowd as Paige talked about how happy her dear sister had been since she’d found her partners, and how the love between the three of them had really made a difference in her own life. Rose and Paige were lucky to be loved, and Paige was not afraid to admit it. Wishing the throuple the best of luck, she hugged Rose tightly.

Ben clapped along with everyone else. Just as the applause began to die down, there was a rush nearby and suddenly Rey was hauling ass to the microphone.

Ben shot up straight in his chair, watching Rey make eye contact with Finn before chuckling. She looked around the room, wiggling her shoulders. “Hello, everyone. When Finn asked me to make a toast, I wasn’t really sure what I’d talk about. You see, I knew I could have  _ easily _ embarrassed the pants off of him, just by talking about the Jelly Bean Incident of 2016.” Finn groaned, getting a laugh out of the crowd. “But that was too easy. I knew Snap and Paige would talk all about how love has the power to forge unbreakable bonds, so I couldn’t go that route either, even though I know firsthand how strong a sibling bond can be. After all, I have the best brother a girl could ask for.” She looked to Finn, who held a hand to his heart. 

“But that still didn’t leave anything for me to add to the toasts. But then tonight, I realized there was something: what happens when love makes you brave, when love lets you leave the past behind and gives you a chance to be better, when love gives you the strength to follow through on our innate need for something better, something greater, something  _ more. _ Because one night, I told Finn that I would be terrified about trying to open my heart to someone the way he opened his heart to Poe and Rose. But then Finn, my dear brother, offered me this quote:  'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.' Looking at him and this new family, I can’t help but agree.” Rey raised her glass. “And so, to the happy throuple, I propose this toast: may the depth of your love guide you through all your firsts and always make you strong and courageous enough to go after something  _ more." _

Her eyes locked on Ben’s as she finished, and the breath rushed from his lungs.

Ears burning bright red and dumb grin resting on his face, Ben could raise a glass to that, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're both out here thirsting so hard and I love it. [My Tumblr, if you want it.](https://ideallyanywhere.tumblr.com/)


	6. Sorry Not Sorry - Demi Lovato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey deals with a problem. The reception goes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boss-ass bitch Rey is best Rey, and this was fun dialogue to write.

Rey strolled easily back to Ben, her smile growing sweeter as she got to him. Ben swooned internally as she twirled into her chair. She was  _ incredible, _ and he told her as much as she picked at a starry, gold pin in her hair.

“Really, you were great up there. You did so much better than I would’ve,” he admitted.

She cocked her head at him, a lazy smirk stretched across her lips. “I get the feeling this is a pattern with you.” When he cocked his head at her, confused, she reached across the table for his hand. Heat bloomed in his cheeks. “You don’t really think all that highly of yourself, which is a shame. I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, and I think you might have a little more fun if you let go just a little.” She squeezed his fingers. Hers were thin, but so strong. “I think I want a drink. Interested?”

He looked up from their hands. Her face was so earnest and sweet; how could he say no? “Sure, but let me go grab it for you,” he stood quickly. He squeezed her hand back, smiling in a way he hoped was reassuring. It seemed to work as she  _ beamed. _ He was less sure he’d survive tonight. “Anything in particular?”

Everything around her glowed as she smiled shyly at him, tucking a loose wave behind her ear. “I had a lemon drop earlier that was pretty good.”

One person was not allowed to be this cute, he decided. It was illegal. “One lemon drop,” he recited, shooting a wink at her before turning toward the bar. Once he was out of earshot, he mentally shook his shoulders.  _ What was that wink about? Lemon drops weren’t flirty. _ Ugh, he had to get it together.

As he approached the bartender, he ordered Rey’s lemon drop and another round of the scotch he’d been given earlier. The man, in a manner eerily like Han Solo, appreciatively nodded. “Good for you, son,” he chuckled as he started to make the drinks.

Left alone with his thoughts, Ben began to think over what Rey had said. He wasn’t thrilled that she’d misread him. It wasn’t that Ben had low self-esteem; he’d just failed enough to know how capable he was. That was good self-awareness.

But he also had to acknowledge that there may have been some truth in her words, too. He hadn’t been this relaxed around someone in a long time, and it felt good to be just less nervous about everything that was happening. Well, less nervous wasn’t quite right. It was more like some of his general nerves had been replaced with the energy of a thousand frenetic butterflies, all flapping about in his stomach and making him bolder and maybe even  _ charming. _ She seemed to be responding to him well, she’d even said she’d been having fun with him. Ben could be intellectual and dry, sure, but  _ fun _ was a new one.

Maybe there was something to what Rey talked about in her toast, too. It was definitely too soon to call whatever was brewing between them love, but there was something there he felt blooming in his chest every time she gazed up at him with those stunning eyes, and every time she laughed, and every time her skin grazed his. He couldn’t help hoping that she’d see it as something worth pursuing. He certainly did, and he’d be the luckiest man alive if she dared to give him a chance.

Should that have scared him? How quickly he was willing to jump in and be a part of something new with her? He’d only been single for a few weeks. Maybe taking it slow would be good for him, especially if Rey decided—and god, he hoped she did—that she wanted to see him again soon after tonight. He’d go anywhere to see her again.

The bartender had a peculiar look on his face as he handed Ben the finished drinks. “I’m not sure what’s going on over there, but I think your girl is in trouble,” he mused. Ben, bewildered as he took the drinks, turned back to where he’d left Rey. Along the back wall, slowly drawing more attention, were Rey and Hux, both arms crossed.

The liquid in the glasses trembled as he watched Hux, red in the face, hissing something in low tones at her. Rey, teeth bared and eyes burning, spat back something with equal vitriol. Ben was already crossing the room when Hux reached out to roughly grasp her arm, Rey’s expression quickly turning violent as she fruitlessly tried to wrench free.

Ben was seeing red, and it wasn’t just Hux’s face and hair. He had just enough presence of mind to set down the drinks before he approached them, his body blocking the scene from view of the rest of the party. His eyes bore holes in Hux’s skull as he grabbed the little  _ weasel’s _ wrist, pressing hard into where Hux’s pulse was thudding.

The ginger hissed loudly as he swallowed a howl, releasing Rey without any fight. Clenching once for good measure, Ben turned to Rey, voice soft. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

She looked him over as she rubbed her wrist, a million emotions running across her face before she shook her head twice. “No, I'm okay,” she murmured. She found something she liked in Ben’s eyes, because she relaxed a fraction before Hux scoffed.

Ben would wrap his hands around the man’s skinny little neck for this come Monday. First, he antagonized Rey, and now here he was, ruining their moment—

But Rey wheeled on him first. “Something the matter,  _ Armitage? _ Because, as I was saying before, we have nothing left to talk about,” she snarled.

In his signature move, Hux huffed. “And as I was saying,  _ Rey, _ I think you’re being rather unreasonable about this—”

Rey laughed humorlessly at him. “Oh, please. I couldn’t give less of a damn to what  _ you _ think of me right now. And that’s bold of you to call me unreasonable, especially since you’re the one who dumped me 45 minutes before my brother’s wedding.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed from behind Rey as the pieces came together. The thought crossed his mind that Hux clearly had never deserved the chance to break Rey’s heart. How could so much  _ shithead _ fit into one person?

Meanwhile Hux sputtered, paling for a second before going back on the offensive. “Maybe the timing was bad, but it’s not like this was going anywhere. You’re lucky I even  _ came  _ in the first place. I didn’t even want to come! I did you a  _ favor,  _ you ingrate,” he ground out. But then he licked his lips all of a sudden, reaching for her arm. “There’s some use for this fire in you, though. Keep it later for tonight, won’t you? If I had known riling you up would get you like this—”

Rey slapped his hand away and Ben zoned in then, shoving Hux lightly. “Incredible, you  _ bastard. _ Are you  _ kidding  _ me with this? You said to me not three hours ago, and I  _ fucking _ quote, 'I broke it off with her. She’s cute, but not worth the trouble.’ You pompous ass,” he growled. “And now, after all you’ve done, you’re going to try and get your dick wet?” He laughed once. “Read the room, dude. She wants  _ nothing _ more from you.” He got closer, eyes narrowed and quiet. “If you  _ ever  _ put your hands on her again, you won’t walk away from the experience.”

Hux shoved back, reading the look on Ben’s face. “Oh, so now you’re her attack dog, hmm?” He sneered, looking at the pair of them. “Just like you, Solo, to pick up after me when I’m done, just like you do at work. Let me know how my  _ sloppy seconds _ taste, will you?”

Oh,  _ fuck _ waiting until Monday. This little weasel would catch Ben’s hands tonight—

Rey put a hand on Ben’s shaking arm, her gaze even but otherwise unreadable. Ben took a deep breath, standing down as Rey took a pair of steps toward Hux.

Her smile looked serene, but Ben and Hux both could see the bloodlust just under the surface. Belatedly realizing he’d dangerously overstepped, Hux stumbled back from Rey. It didn’t matter. “Armitage Hux,” she began softly. “If you are so desperate to prove your manhood here, perhaps I should let Ben and everyone else know how  _ pathetic _ and desperate you’d always been to try and stay ahead of ‘that oaf getting all the praise at work,’ and how you would do just about  _ anything _ to get your boss to notice you, because  _ Daddy  _ never did. Always so desperate to have a little bit of power because you’ve always been a weak, powerless little  _ snake _ in a world where  _ literally _ everyone outshines you. As if I’d  _ ever _ let you touch me again after you’ve proven just how spineless you are.” 

Hux flinched as Rey stepped closer. Her humorless laugh reappeared, a dreadful facsimile of the real thing, as she whispered just loud enough for him and Ben. “Oh, and big words about sloppy seconds, especially since I know firsthand that you could never keep your dick up long enough for anything more than a pity handjob. As far as Ben goes, he looks like he can find my clit, which puts him leaps and bounds ahead of you.” She patted his stunned cheek. “In fact, if he doesn’t object, we may find out this very evening.” She turned back to face an equally stunned Ben, her eyes bright. Quickly registering what she said, he smiled at Hux.

He held out his hand, which Rey took. “I’d love to, Rey.” Barely tugging at her hand, Rey laughed as she twirled, landing squarely in his chest. Ben’s heart was thudding loudly as she stroked his bicep, the motion dripping with filthy intentions as she gazed at him. He was already so warm, and she radiated heat, the minx. Ben fought to pull away his eyes from hers, but the look of Hux’s face was  _ priceless. _ “I think she’s done with you; feel free to run along, Hux.”

Rey dramatically rolled her eyes. Her disinterest was evident as she looked him over. “You’re still here? Don’t tell me you’re going to ask to stay and watch. You could certainly stand to learn something, but I’d rather not be in the same room as you when I orgasm next.” She paused, considering. “Though, then again, there’s a first time for everything.”

Ben just barely contained a laugh as Hux squawked indignantly, intentions malevolent, when he backed into Finn and Rose, looking awfully intimidating. “Don’t tell me, that mouth of yours has gotten you in trouble,” Finn drawled lazily. “You know, I  _ nearly  _ beat you to a pulp earlier after hearing what you did to my poor sister. She convinced me not to, but I think it’d be okay now since you’re causing a scene. Don’t think I won’t just because I’m married now.” His tone was light enough, but the threat was pronounced.

Rose smiled sweetly, patting his chest. “Now, honey. No need to do that in the middle of our reception,” she chirped as she looked at Finn lovingly before she whipped her head back to face Hux. “Especially without  _ me _ getting a lick in for all the  _ shit _ he used to give Rey. And Poe would be upset to miss out too.”

“Damn right I would be,” Poe said as he appeared, arms crossed, grinning with considerable malice. “Hate to miss out on our first family function, especially for the asshole who can’t seem to shut his miserable trap about my sister-in-law.”

Watching all of these people appear had Hux realizing how he’d  _ really  _ overstepped. “I’ll just take my leave then,” he sniffed, clawing at some semblance of dignity. “Rey, swing by later so you can pick up your bags. I can help you find a room for tonight.”

She smiled serenely as she leaned into Ben with clear implication. “I think I’ll figure it out. Wanna head to the patio, Ben?” She didn’t wait for his answer as she peeled out of Ben’s arms, tugging on his hand and pulling him to the door outside. It would’ve been a moot point for him to answer as he quickly followed behind her, still feeling adrenaline coursing in his blood. 

* * *

Once they reached outside, she dropped her hand. Ben shoved his own in his pockets, sorely missing the warmth of hers. He looked at his shoes, Rey still facing away from him. Things were quiet, and he was beginning to worry that the spell had been broken. Was this it? It had been going so well, and Rey had—well, she’d implied that they would—

He was suddenly very red in the face. If Hux had ruined this for him, there was  _ nothing _ that could protect his skinny neck. He had to focus on anything else right now before he violently murdered Hux. The things he’d said about _ Rey— _

He paused, shaking his angry thoughts away for now, though, as there was a very pretty and unnervingly silent girl in front of him. He noticed her shaking a bit, and quickly shrugged out of his jacket to wrap around her shoulders. “Rey?” he asked, timid. She tugged the jacket around her tight as she laughed wetly, turning around.

Her make-up was intact, and she was smiling, but she couldn’t hide her watery eyes. Ben’s heart twisted painfully as her gaze dropped to the ground. “The last thing that asshole deserves is for me to cry. I did my best not to give him the satisfaction.” She dabbed at one eye with the back of her hand. “Thanks for going along with it, that was a lot to ask.”

He shuffled in front of her. “It was no problem, Rey. It’s not like I dreaded the idea of putting that little asshole in his place.” He cracked a small smile to match hers. “It was amazing to watch you tear him apart like that. I was lucky just to be standing there when it happened.” She sniffled, but Ben heard a wet little laugh at that, a little bit of her light shining through again. “I didn’t think I’d ever  _ seen _ Hux turn that shade before.”

She snorted at that. “I didn’t realize anyone could turn that color.” She held Ben’s jacket. “Are you okay if we just…hang out here for a bit? I think I need a moment.”

He smiled widely at her. “I’d be happy to, honestly.” He walked to the spot he’d come to earlier, sliding back to the same position. “In fact, this space on the wall nearly has my name on it.”

She smirked, sliding down gracefully to sit beside him. “And why is that?”

His hand drifted toward hers, their fingers not quite touching. “Believe it or not, when I first approached you at the bar, I was not intending to say, ‘drinking’s the best,’ as my opening line to you.” Rey giggled at that. “I was so shaken and sure that I’d blown it, that I came out and sat here and tried not to initiate my self-destruct sequence.”

That had her snorting. He chuckled along with her, his head dropping to rest against the wall behind them. Once she could breathe, she reached over the last little bit to take his hand. “I thought you were adorable. Nervous, but adorable. I was barely holding it together when you came up to me, but then you did, and you made me laugh. I was hoping to talk to you some more once I finished my drink, but you’d slipped away. And then your mom swept you away.”

Ben groaned as she laughed some more. “Don’t remind me.”

She played with his fingers. “It was sweet, really. And it really worked out for me in the end. It meant that I had an excuse to talk to you, especially since you were brave enough to come up to me first.” His breath hitched. Their eyes met again, and he suddenly realized just how close they had gotten, her watching him through those lashes. “But we were always going to end up here, weren’t we?” she murmured, voice husky.

He nodded slightly. Her eyes dropped from his only for a moment, and only, he noted with a thrill, to dart a look at his mouth. “Inevitable,” he whispered, his eyes falling closed.

Her forehead touched his as she faltered, sighing with a tremble. Ben’s eyes wrenched back open, watching her withdraw from him, honey eyes anguished. His head cocked, fighting the sting of rejection to keep his voice even. “Rey?”

She held his hand, eyes firmly on it. “Ben, I like you. You’re funny and sweet, and you’re a great dancer. You helped me get back my ex without a second thought.” She gave a shaky laugh. “Tonight’s been one of the best nights of my life, and God, I really, really want to kiss you.”

Ben caught her chin, lifting her head so that their lips were a breath apart. “Then you really, really should,” he breathed. She breathed back in his direction, drawn toward him for a moment before she jerked away, clearly torn. He sighed. “Rey, you should know that this has been the best night of my life too, hands down. I don’t want this to end tonight.”

She squeezed both of his hands in hers. “And that’s why I can’t tonight, Ben.” She leaned back against the wall, not out of Ben’s reach, but far enough. “You heard enough from Hux when he apparently told you earlier.” Ben flinched. So she had caught that. “I promise it’s not you, Ben. I am fresh out of a relationship.”

He grunted bitterly. “You’re afraid of a rebound.” His mind wandered to the many,  _ many _ ways he would murder Armitage Hux come the next opportunity.

He flushed a bit when she kissed one of the knuckles on his hands. “I don’t know what’s happening tonight, but I know I don’t want to miss out on  _ you, _ whatever this is. I want so much more than  _ just _ a rebound, Ben,” she uttered, eyes suddenly very dark with intention again. “But I need you to be patient. Just take it slow with me. Keep it light tonight. I think it will be worth it,” she finished, eyes shining in the light.

Ben groaned internally. She was right, of course. He was also pretty fresh from a breakup, and if he and Rey were going to explore this, he owed it to her to be in a good place for it. If this could be as good as it had been all night, they had to take their time.

That didn’t mean he had to admit to her, though. “Okay, Rey,” he sighed. “We can take it slow,” he said with a resigned smile, getting to his feet and helping her to hers. Feeling a sudden shot of boldness, he waited until she was steady, then he stepped closer to her, tucking a curly tendril behind her ear.

Her skin flushed, eyes wide as he leaned in, lips a hair’s breadth from hers. Her eyes fluttered closed; God, she was as intoxicated as he was. “But know this: I cannot  _ wait _ for you to give in this.” His fingers traced down her jaw, a slow smile spreading on his face as he tilted her chin up. “When you decide you can’t take it anymore, let me know. You’ll wish you’d done it sooner,” he promised, his voice gravelly and full of suggestion. She let out the faintest little whimper as he dropped his hand.

Just because she was right didn’t mean he had to play fair, after all. If she wanted to take this slow, he’d absolutely give her all the time she needed. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t help her along in the meantime.

He wanted her to crave this as much as he did.

Rey seemed to snap from her daze as Ben stepped back, smirk firmly planted on his face. She rolled her eyes, but he could tell there was no bite behind it. “Dirty tease,” she muttered as she walked by. He chuckled as he followed her inside.

* * *

Once they got back inside, the party was still going. Apparently after the Hux incident, the older parts of the crowd decided to call it a night. Every guest over 35 seemed to have high-tailed it out of there, leaving a sizable population of young adults, undulating as heavier music played.

“Reeeeey!” a voice called out from the center. Ben looked toward it, seeing a cheery brunette coming at Rey before she faltered, her eyes suddenly focused on him. She looked downright predatory as she made no attempt to disguise her roaming gaze. “Rose is about to toss her bouquet, so I came to find you...but you simply  _ must _ introduce me to your friend,” she purred.

Ben leaned back a bit, suddenly quite nervous. Looking to Rey for a cue, he was surprised to see her with that same serene smile, but her eyes were lit with a very different kind of rage than from earlier. She slid one hand into his, squeezing tightly as she spoke. “Ben, this is my very single and not-subtle-about-it friend Jessika,” she said tightly. “Jess, this is Ben.” She then reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Ben’s ear. Unbeknownst to her, Ben’s ear was a sensitive spot. Not only because they were a little large (thus the long waves to keep them hidden), but also literally a hotspot for him, as he and an ex had spent an afternoon delightfully discovering.

He had to bite his lip to stifle the moan that slipped out, but based on the pleased, separate responses of Rey and Jess, apparently he wasn’t as good at hiding it as he’d hoped to be.

“Well, Ben, you’re more than welcome to join us after the bouquet gets thrown. Poe and Finn are going to remove her garter together—” Jess fanned herself at this— “and maybe later you can help me with mine?” She intoned, her voice full of dark promises.

Ben grunted as the grip on his hand became vice-like. Rey laughed shrilly, letting go of his hand. “Jess, you’re so funny! So  _ funny,”  _ she deadpanned. “Let’s go see if we can catch that bouquet, hmm?” She forcibly tugged Jess from her spot, Ben’s jacket still draped over her slim shoulders.

Jess waved but Ben thought that he might be forgiven for not being friendly just this once.

As her friends gathered around her, Rose was laughing as she began miming to toss her bouquet back. Ben kept an eye on Rey as he leaned against the wall, a small smile on his face. She was adorable draped in Ben’s jacket. It was an image he could get used to, seeing her in his clothes.

He was lost in that particular thought when Finn appeared beside him. Ben acknowledged his presence, the two standing silently for a moment before Finn cleared his throat. “I saw what you did for Rey. That Hux guy was a real piece of work. Never liked him for her,” he grunted.

Ben nodded, watching him carefully. “To be honest, I would’ve stepped back and let her handle it alone until he put his hands on her. She was holding her own well enough.”

The other man nodded. “Rey’s lived a tough life, but it’s made her strong. She can survive anything.” Finn paused, examining Ben. “She’s survived bad relationships.”

Ben’s mouth twitched. “Was there something we needed to discuss, Finn?”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “You tell me, Ben. Just seems like you and  _ my sister _ got awfully cozy and pretty quickly. That’s all well and good, but you run in the same circles as Hux. How do I know you won’t be like him?”

“I guess you don’t,” Ben replied. He couldn’t help the bit of delight that soared through him as the muscles of Finn’s jaw twitched.  _ “Your sister _ seems to know what she’s doing. Like you said, she can survive anything. If I’m a bad choice, how about you let her figure that out on her own? I’m sure she’s just thrilled to have you play the overprotective big brother.”

“You barely know her,” Finn snarled.

“You barely know  _ me, _ and yet here you are, jumping to conclusions,” Ben barked back. He registered distant laughs of joy; they were going to have to wrap this up or risk a scene. Ben had no intention of putting Rey in the middle of this right now. “Finn, I don’t know what Poe has told you about me, or if you feel like you’ve read me well enough from our handful of interactions to assume I’m not good enough for her. All that I do know is that Rey and I are having a good time at  _ your wedding.”  _ That seemed to break Finn’s incensed concentration.  _ Good, it was working. _ He pasted on his best impression of Poe’s smile. “If something happens, it happens; we will just have to see how this goes. Go remove the garter from your wife’s leg.”

Eyes still narrowed and focused on Ben, Finn began to stalk away. Situation seemingly diffused, Ben’s hands finally unclenched and he smoothed out a wrinkle in his pants. There was a brief moment where he let his eyes drift closed, head swinging along with the glitzy pop song in the background. He heard the soft  _ click clack _ of Rey’s heels as she approached.

“Hey.” Her greeting was soft, like she was rousing him from a deep sleep. “You in there?”

He cracked open an eye, mouth twitched in a lazy smirk. “All good here.” He gave her a once over. She had returned empty-handed. “I take it that someone beat you for the bouquet?”

She laughed. The sound filled his chest with warmth. “If you can believe it, Jess threw an elbow at me trying to get at it. More power to her; it wasn’t worth the trouble to fight her for it.” She reached out for his hand, which he freely gave to her. She played with his fingers, a little smile around her lips. Eventually, she let out a short breath. “I just wanted to double check, since I saw Finn over here earlier.”

Ben did his damnedest not to stiffen up. “Not a big deal. He wanted to thank me for coming to your rescue earlier, I told him you had it handled,” he said easily.

She examined him, not unlike the way Finn had earlier. She smiled though. “He’s a bit much, but he means well. I know he just likes to look out for me.” Her face softened for a moment, but she didn’t say anything for a minute. Ben was more than content to let her think as he looked over her face. He didn’t have enough time to process it earlier, but she had a light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks.  _ Could she be any lovelier? _ He didn’t get too much time to ruminate over that idea, though, as she suddenly drew herself closer to him. “Want to grab a drink and not talk about my brother for a while? Night’s still young and I’m not sure I’m done dancing,” she offered, rubbing lightly at his wrist.

A grin slowly grew on his face. “Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux is such an easy target. Also, a Lando cameo!


	7. Sleeping with a Friend - Neon Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. Ben's a little hungover. CW/TW: Ben thinks he has done a bad after he and Rey are drunk at the reception. Things are starting go get a little hot, here, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to take some time off because life gets in the way. Have everything I've written.

Ben’s head was pounding, his head cradled by the pillow. He could feel matted hair and soreness in his arms.  _ Goddamn. _ He wasn’t 22 anymore; he couldn’t keep partying like he was. He’d found enough hungover co-eds to know that he hadn’t drunk too badly, but he would be feeling this for a while. He hadn’t gotten that drunk in...well, ever.

Then again, he’d never had that much  _ fun _ in one night either. He smiled, despite the pain throbbing in his temple.  _ Rey. _ She had a breath of fresh air last night, and he hated that the night had to have ended at all, especially after all how she’d tempted him.

_ That little minx. _ He really should blame (or thank, once he thought about it) Jess and Kaydel.

Kaydel had made the mistake of trying to get Ben to share a dance with her, a particularly bad move as the music had gotten hotter and heavier as the night went on. He felt the death rays coming out of the hazel eyes beside him and he tried to think fast; Kaydel seemed nice enough, but his attention was utterly captured. He’d politely declined, offering instead to dance as a group with her, Paige, Rey, and Jess. It was surprisingly enjoyable, especially with Snap there to help tip the gender balance.

Just as he’d successfully navigated that minefield, Jess sidled up to him. Rey had decided to raise the stakes and let her hair down (although again, his attention was already totally on her). She’d started by literally letting her hair down, her chestnut hair shining in loose waves as she tossed it about. Ben had gone slack jawed as she ran her fingers through it, pulling him close to her and sliding his hands to her hips as she twirled in his arms, suddenly ass to pelvis with him. The music encouraged her as she swiveled her hips.

It had taken all of his willpower and several thoughts of Chewie in lingerie to keep his dick at bay.

He did have a chance to bury his face in the crook of her neck, drowning in her peach and honeysuckle scent. Her skin had been so soft against his as he resisted the urge to pull her off the dance floor, find a dark corner and just bury himself in her lithe body instead. The blood flowing south put up a real fight, desperately seeking the heat radiating from Rey as she ground against him, keeping up with the tempo.

“You’re going to kill me,” he’d rasped out. She only laughed in response, her cheek brushing the side of his face. He felt her cheeky grin.

Thankfully and regrettably, the song ended and Ben made his escape. He pulled Rey off the floor insistently. They’d reached the table where she’d deposited his jacket. She had the decency to look a little guilty, though it was overshadowed with cheeky pride. “Sorry to make such a show, I haven't forgotten about what we agreed,” she said. Her eyes darted to Jess, his gaze following.

Jess hid her disgruntlement well, aside from a tightness to her smile that wasn’t there before. She still danced on, though, moving onto one of the other men present.

Rey was still preening a bit, and Ben couldn’t help feeling fondness at her delight. “You know you have my undivided attention, right?”

It turned out that she hadn’t needed the reminder. “Well aware, Ben,” she purred. He felt desire thrumming through his body. “But I also need to make sure that everyone else knows that, too.”

He drained another scotch as she finished another lemon drop. Things were starting to blur, and not in the way she normally blurred his vision. Maybe they should call it a night soon.

She snorted. “Well, maybe you’re right. One more drink and one more dance. Then we can call it a night.”

“That sounds good. Come on, we can head to the bar.”

Once their drinks were refilled and promptly emptied, the pair drifted back onto the dance floor, a slow number drifting through the air with them. She reached her arms up and draped them over his shoulders as his hands slid down her back, thumbs stroking her hip bones. Honeyed hazel met whiskey brown, and it was like the world around them had faded away. All that mattered was this moment as they swayed to the slow croon of an alto and tenor duet. Their foreheads drifted together, and that was when everything crystallized for him.

This moment, Ben thought, was one he'd cherish. No matter how things went with Rey going forward, whether she stayed or not, this dance with her was one he'd remember. The feeling of her in his arms, the low light glowing around them, the taste of her scent mixing with the lingering flavor of scotch in his mouth. This stunningly beautiful, charming woman with her equally stunning smile chose to spend her time with him. Because of her, he’d never be the same.

He burned this moment into his mind. If he never got so lucky again, he'd always remember this.

As he lay there, slowly waking, he realized that it apparently was the last thing he remembered of last night's festivities. He didn't even remember how he'd gotten into this room. Well, he must not have had too much trouble with checking into his room last night. The bed was comfy, too.

He grunted as he blearily blinked against the sun gently streaming in the room. His head was still cradled in the pillow; it was against his routine, but he might just save analysis for Future Ben as he rolled his hips against the soft warmth of the bed. He'd really have to leave a nice review for this place; the bed was so warm everywhere, and it was faintly scented too, fruity and floral, just like–

Her.

Ben's eyes snapped open, but it only confirmed what he already knew. There, her hips snug to his in an echo of last night's dance, was Rey, her chest still rising and falling with steady, sleepy consistency.

_ Onetwothreefour onetwothreefour onetwothreefour _

How could do this? He couldn't have. Were they that drunk last night? Oh God, what if she thought he'd taken advantage of her?  _ Oh God, what if he had? _

_ One two three four one two three four _

Would she believe him? Would she understand that it had been a mistake, a simple lapse of control? She would, right? Yeah, she would.

_ One. Two. Three. Four. _

Unless she didn't. And she never wanted to see him again.

_ Onetwothreefour onetwothreefour _

There was a little grunt in front of him as her head shifted on the pillow. Ben took a better look at their...situation. His arm was laid above where hers was resting. She was up to her neck in the plush duvet, hair tied up in three lopsided, loose knots, which lifted her hair off her ears.

He sucked in a breath. Just below her ear and half-hidden by covers, was a reddish-purple bruise, one that was shaped like his mouth and that he was undeniably familiar with. Terrified of what he'd find, he reached with his free hand toward her upper back. The skin there was bare, no bra strap.

_ Onetwothreefouronetwothreefour _

He could feel his heart rate picking up as breathing got harder. He thought death would find him last night, but oh no, it would find him  _ here– _

She sleepily wiggled her hips as her arms stretched out, her perfect little ass inviting his cock to play this morning. He couldn't stop the hiss that sprang from his mouth any more than he could keep his hips from rolling back against hers. She let out a delicious little sound, her plan to to kill him in motion early.

Rey chuckled in front of him. "Good morning to you too, Ben Solo." He froze. Her sleepy voice was raspy, and it sent a shiver down his spine. She rolled over to face him, her bare chest squishing against his as she stretched up to bury her nose where his jaw met his neck. When she found him stiff, she leaned back. Her expression shifted to deep concern as sleepy hazel eyes widened and her hand cupped his jaw, searching his face. "Hey, hey, _hey._ Ben? What's happening in your head?"

He could feel how red he was. He opened his mouth a few times once it gotten infinitesimally easier to breathe, but words were not coming. He did his best to hold eye contact with her in the interim, but then she reached up and ran a hand through his hair. Her nimble fingers ran through only once, catching a few of the waves. He could feel the stress dwindling away already.

"Better?" Her voice was barely above a whisper now, and he nodded shakily at her, his breath and heart rate finally beginning to slow. Her hand lingered in his hair before she pulled him in a tight embrace. "Good, you had me worried for a minute there." He'd stiffened again, and she pulled back. Her eyes were sad as she looked him over. "You're reacting to me. Did I do something wrong? If I did, I'm sorry."

He struggled to find his voice. "I'm the one who should be sorry, Rey. I–" he fought tears, he would  _ not _ do this–"I don't remember much of what happened last night, but please believe me when I say that I had no intention of taking advantage last night, I should have had better control of myself. I hope you'll forgive me–" he paused as she started  _ laughing?  _ Ben's brow furrowed as she stopped when she realized he'd paused, laughing more wholeheartedly once she saw his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ben," she got out between giggles. "I think I just figured something out."

He huffed as her laughs began to die down. "Feel free to let me in on the joke," he grumbled.

She smiled as she pulled away from him, eyes still glittery with mirth. "You were a perfect gentleman last night. No need to worry about my virtue, Ben."

Her words dawned on him. "Wait, so we didn't–" he gestured between them.

"We got a little handsy last night, but no, Ben. We didn't," she copied his gesturing, and it was much cuter when she did it, he decided. His shoulders sank in relief, though, breath coming in and out smoothly now. She seemed happy to let him recover. "You really don't remember much of what happened last night, do you?"

He shook his head. "The most I've got is our last dance together and thinking about how lucky I was to spend time with you."

Her smile softened as she bit her lip. He could feel throbbing insistently between his legs, his body now craving what it hadn't tasted last night. He did his best to focus back on her as she spoke again. "I don't quite have all the details of what happened after we left the reception, but I know that we mostly behaved," she winked, "and that sex was not something that happened."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not doubting you, but if you don't have all of the details, how do you know for sure?"

Her smile twisted into something filthy as she shimmied closer, a flush making itself comfortable on his face. She squeezed his rapidly hardening cock gently as it strained against his boxer briefs. He hissed. Her breath was mingling with his as she leaned in, her eyes dark. "I'd remember having something like this inside me," she purred. And just as quickly as she got the air in the room heated, Rey wiggled a safe distance away, tucking the sheet around her.

She giggled at his groan. "Such a  _ tease." _ He gave her a little smile as he watched her. Rey was lovely last night, but he was almost sure that he preferred her like this. She was radiating lazy, pleased warmth. Her eyes still sparkled with mischief, and her freckles were more pronounced in the morning light. It was a different kind of beautiful, and the kind he could see over and over again. He reached for her, tugging her back close to him and planting his nose in her hair. Her soft giggles faded into nothing as they lay there, the silence blissful.

Eventually, reality crept in on him, and he realized there were a few more questions he needed answered. "So what all happened last night? What do you remember?"

Her eyes were still sparkling with that same combination of mischief and mirth as she considered him. “I think I’ll save most of those details for myself. I can let you know on a need-to-know basis,” she offered. He sat up and stroked his chin, considering it. His mother did say once that mystery in a relationship could be a good thing, and something about every woman and a secret. Truth be told, he didn’t 100% remember what she’d said, and now whenever he asked, she would cackle and unhelpfully  _ not  _ tell him. That was beside the point, though. Maybe not having all the details would be good? Maybe Rey would tell him the whole story years from now, once they had been together for a while.

_ Oh. _

It occurred to him that this really could be a long term thing, and that particular thought sprouted something warm in his chest, something he knew he needed to hold close. In the meantime, she was waiting for his answer. He cleared his throat. “Alright, I’ll take your need-to-know answers, but I want something in return. I want to ask five questions, all of which you have to answer honestly and fully and to the best of your knowledge,” he presented, grave as he could muster. For her part, Rey was making that difficult as she sat, straightening up with the covers tucked delicately around her chest. A bit of lightly freckled cleavage peaked through the top and he did his damnedest not to have an aneurysm; she was just so  _ fucking _ attractive. “In exchange, I won’t ask any more questions about last night and you can tell me when you’re ready. I have a feeling you’ll want to,” he finished, confident.

Her face smoothed out hidden amusement. “I can agree to these terms.” She presented her right hand to him expectantly.

He smiled faintly before he took it, pumping it with the standard two shakes his mother instilled in him as appropriate business conduct, although a part of him sincerely doubted that it was ever intended to be done in one’s underwear, but then again–nope, that train of thought was stopping. There was business at hand and no time like the present. “Excellent. Question one: whose hotel room are we in, yours or mine? I guess it doesn’t matter, but I still want to know.”

Her answering smile was coy as she rested her head on her free hand; he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to let go of hers, especially now that her fingertips brushed along the center of his palm. “Neither, but see if you can figure it out by looking around.”

He tore his eyes from her face to take an investigative look around the room. The walls were a shade or two bluer than light gray; the furniture was just as neutral, a massive armchair in a corner in the large room with them; the bed was pretty big too, Ben noticing the plush bench at the end of the bed. It felt vaguely familiar, but he wasn’t quite sure from where. That is, until he stretched and leaned over to get a peek at the bathroom. That bathroom was the one he had showered in last afternoon, which could only mean... 

His eyes went wide. “We’re at the _manor?_ How the hell did we end up here?”

Rey stroked his knuckles with her thumb. “You had a key in your pocket and thought it was a better idea. Next question?”

He ran his free hand through his matted hair, grumbling. “Why didn't I remember my bag?”

Her shoulders shook with a laugh. “Your stuff was already here. We picked up my overnight bag before we came over.” She pointed to the bag resting near the end of the bed, the adjacent garment bag presumably full of his suit. “We may be the center of gossip in town for quite a while.” Hazel eyes roamed his body appreciatively, and he did his best to act scandalized. She snorted. “I think a shower might do you some good, especially since you’re looking more hungover than I am.”

He groaned, rubbing his temples. “Don’t remind me.” He dropped his hands. Shit, he had only two questions left, and he needed to make them count. He knew what he wanted to ask, he just had to work up the nerve to do it. “Was the night worth it?” 

He'd done his best to hide the shake in his voice, but he watched her eyes soften as she held one of his hands in both of hers. “I told you last night: it was by far one of the best nights of my life. I meant that, Ben. There’s so much of last night that I’ll always remember.” She let that hang in the air a moment before she continued. “Maybe, if you play your cards right, I’ll tell you someday. But for now, just know ‘yes’. Yes, it was  _ absolutely _ worth it.”

The warmth in his chest expanded like the comfortable silence between them. “Last question,” he eventually breathed.

“Last question,” she parroted back, just as quiet. The moment was so delicate, and he was loathe to break it, so he had to tread lightly here.

He swallowed, the sound loud in his ears. “I thought last night was a pretty good contender for a great first date.” Her breath hitched, but he knew if he stopped here, he’d never get it out. “If I can convince you that it was, would you be willing to go on a second one with me?”

There was a long pause as Rey’s hands stilled. She watched them for the longest minute of Ben’s life. Just as the metronome in his head began to tick, she exhaled a long breath. “I’d like to hear that argument before I answer.”

He took a deep breath. He could do this, his mom was a lawyer. Logical arguments were second nature to him. “Okay, to define a first date, there are four key criteria that need to be met. One: a premise by which two or more parties can get to know one another. We were at a wedding reception, providing the premise. We danced and talked openly most of our time together, so we got to know one another.” She nodded, conceding a point and holding up a finger for him, her expression very neutral all of a sudden. 

“Two: beverages of choice must be available. Normally I go for coffee for a first date, since it satisfies both the beverage criterion and makes me more agreeable. Drinks last night, in spite of today’s hangover, were delicious, readily available, and made me more agreeable.” She bit back a laugh, but held up a second finger nonetheless. 

“Three: an attraction deemed by all parties worth pursuing.” Whiskey met honey as he scooted a hair closer to her, his voice getting husky. “I think we agreed on that last night.” Her pupils had dilated a bit as she moved closer to him a bit, too. She added a third finger.

“And four: parties agreeing that the night was worth the trouble it took to get there,” he added, quiet but confident. “You already said it was worth it for you. I've already told you, but it may have been the best thing to ever happen to me, spending the reception with you.”

Rey was quiet for a while. Soon, she let out a dramatic sigh. “Sounds like pretty kickass first date to me. Seems like it warrants a second one,” she tried for casual, but he could hear a shake of doubt in her voice.

Ben huffed internally, but took her hands in his, just looking at them. Her golden skin was striking, contrasting his. “I’d really like to get to know you, Rey. I want to take you out on a second date.”

She beamed back at him for a moment before she slid closer to him, close enough for those faint freckles to be defined along her cheeks and nose. “I’d be thrilled for a second date, Ben,” she murmured. He let out a shaky breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. She wasn’t done, however. “There is something that I'm curious about.” He quirked an eyebrow. Her smile reminded him of the Cheshire Cat: teasing and predatory. “Most first dates have a fifth criterion to help decide success, and you didn’t include it.” He quirked that same eyebrow. He felt that he’d been thorough. She giggled at his confusion. “Most good first dates I’ve been on ended with a kiss. Ours was _so_ good, too.”

All the color and joy drained from his face. “I had to have kissed you. I totally kissed you," he stammered. Rey's smile turned coy. "You have a hickey, I must have!” 

She cocked her head, but the smile playing at her mouth was 100% mocking; that, Ben was sure of. “Not necessarily," she mused airily. "I don’t know if kissing me counts if you don’t remember.” She suddenly was out of the bed, her back to him in a flash as she appeared at the bathroom door. His eye twitched as he took in her form. Her long, golden back was dotted with a few freckles, and her body looked strong and well-maintained. Two little depressions near the base of her spine called out to him, begging to be traced by his tongue. Her pelvis was wrapped in a skimpy pair of deep blue panties, and he was struck by the urge to take a bite of her pert little ass. Lovely, long legs ran down to toned calves and strong ankles. As his eyes swept back up to hers, he noted the soft edges of breasts he’d probably already touched but couldn’t remember. She was a goddess, and he wondered if she’d deign to allow his devoted worship of her. 

He called out to her. “Rey!” Her elegant neck swiveled, the reddish bruise proudly on display against her skin. “Please tell me: did I kiss you last night?”

She smiled sweetly at him, turning the rest of the way. Along the edge of his gaze, he saw her hands shielding her chest from him, but he stayed laser focused on her face. “You’re out of questions, Ben.” And with that quiet remark, She whipped around, giving him a quick peek at her toned stomach and slender hips. The door to the bathroom slid closed, and the shower turned on.

Ben collapsed against the pillows, groaning. As he lay there, alone with his thoughts, he waited for his ever-constant companion to arrive to keep him company. Oddly enough, as time went on, she never arrived. He did the remnants of Rey’s melodious giggles replaying in his mind, and that was enough for now.

In the meantime, he could at least try and get a start on the morning ahead. They’d spent the night together, and the least he could do was get his not-lover some coffee, even if she was being coy with answers.

He rolled out of the bed and rummaged around. True to her word, his bag was full and here, minus the toiletries, which he suspected were in the bathroom with Rey. Finding a pair of khaki slacks, he slid them on and slipped out the room. Time to explore the manor a bit.


	8. Hypothetical - JR JR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bookend of a magical weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter: lore drop! Me waxing about food! A train!

Ben strolled through the rest of the house, first encountering the large open room he’d encountered yesterday. Yesterday? God, that felt so long ago. He hadn’t really gotten a good look at this room, since there were so many people here.

It was done surprisingly tastefully. There were picturesque paintings, framed phrases, and lustrous lights. The furniture was all clean lines and minimalist, but inviting. The walls were a neutral and unobtrusive gray–apparently a theme in the decor, not that he minded. None of the decor felt unnecessary, like it all belonged there, not too busy. It was the same vibe he was going for in his apartment, but done better. _Didn’t think Luke had it in him._

Ben kept on into the kitchen, easily finding decent coffee and the coffeemaker. He peeked in the fridge; there were a handful of breakfast items, but nothing too extravagant. There was enough cream for a few coffees and some yogurt cups. Maybe he could convince Rey to go to lunch with him. While the coffee brewed in the background, he poked around a bit. There wasn’t a lot going in this large kitchen; there was a modern island station in the middle, and the finishes were shiny. Like the large room before it, it was all clean and smooth lines. Pristine like a magazine cover, but he was beginning to understand that Luke was keeping this place impersonal for rentals. A pity. A house this large was intended to be the Skywalker legacy.

A gleam caught Ben’s eye while he was searching for mugs for coffee. There were two ceramic ones that would have to work. She could take the white one; he was compelled by the oversized black one. Still, that gleam intrigued him. He padded over to where he’d first seen it.

Over by the window, there was a table with a bench seat built into the windowsill. Ben leaned down, seeing that same tiny gleam shining under a plush blue cushion. It was a hinge. Curious, he tugged on the plush seat, removing it easily to reveal a wooden bench inscribed with words from the Dalai Lama, oddly enough:

> _The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions, such as anger, attachment, fear, and suspicion. - D. Lama_

Unperturbed, he felt for the seam on the opposite side. It opened easily enough. There, tucked away, were oil portraits of Anakin and Padmé Skywalker, each looking in their early thirties. They were facing opposite directions. Even in death, it seemed, they were together. 

His grandmother was facing left, eyes closed and a peaceful smile on her face, head tilted down. Her hair was the same as his mother’s, swept up into a pristine bun with curly tendrils hanging by her ears. She was just as beautiful here as every fuzzy photograph he’d ever seen of her, and upon looking closer, he realized his mouth was a dead ringer for hers.

Looking at Anakin made Ben’s stomach twist viscerally. Anakin was facing right, head tilted up. He'd know that long hair and bone structure anywhere; he'd seen it every day in the mirror. There was a malefic glare to his grandfather's blue eyes, the shadow of cruel darkness that plagued several years of his career and the beginning of Luke and Leia's childhood before the state's court declared him unfit to keep them. Padmé's abrupt death from surgery complications was the breaking point on a long journey of pain for Anakin, and their twin children separately deduced and told Ben their suspicions that the old man never recovered from the loss. He’d make his way back to the light and even re-establish a relationship with Luke, but the collateral damage to the relationship between father and stubborn daughter wasn’t something he got to walk away from easily. He would spend the rest of his life trying to improve it; Leia, learning about parental sacrifices with her own 5-year-old, was just coming around when the old man died.

Testament to Anakin's regrets and sorrow were well over 50 pages of sheet music. Ben picked up a few of them delicately, examining one. It was the beginning of a sonata, written for Padmé. He sifted through the pages; the composition appeared to be unfinished. There was another unfinished work, written for Leia: strong, feminine, defiant. Yet another unfinished piece, careful but kind, composed for Luke. There were so many more, each a piece of his family’s history, drafted and incomplete in the notes on the page.

The coffee machine’s whirring stopped abruptly in the background. Ben took a deep breath. There was something here in these pages that called to him, something _seductive._ He’d have to come back when there was more time to explore beyond his perusal, but he had other things to focus on in the meantime. Sliding the portraits and pages away, he closed the bench and replaced the seat, filling the mugs on the counter with scalding hot coffee. There was a tray near the refrigerator, so he piled it with spoons, sugar and cream for coffee, and a yogurt cup for Rey.

The door was still open from earlier, so slipping back in was not a problem. “I found coffee,” he called, nudging the door behind him closed. “Not sure if you’re into breakfast, but I thought maybe we could get lunch together?” He mentally smacked his forehead as he set the tray on the bench by the bed, still trying to work this thought out before he’d even think of looking at her and the rest of the words turned to mush in his mouth. He inhaled deeply. He could do this, he’d made good progress earlier. “Maybe get started on that second date?”

The room was quiet. Shit, he’d blown it. His head hung low, Ben sat on the bed with his black coffee mug, stirring in some cream. “Nice one, Solo,” he grumbled. He took a sip; Luke’s taste in coffee wasn’t horrendous and his head was finally starting to clear, so that was nice. At that moment, the room’s door opened with a topknot of damp brown hair poking in, eyes shut.

One hazel eye cracked open. “Lunch sounds great! I would’ve just burst in, but I wasn’t sure if you were headed toward the shower immediately or not. Seeing that you’re mostly decent, I guess it’s safe to come in, especially because coffee would be a godsend right now.” Rey wiggled in the rest of the way, making sure Ben was watching as her eyes trailed over his bare chest.

He wasted no time admiring her, either. Her long legs were on display in little khaki shorts that made his mouth water, and though the sleeveless and flowy chocolate brown top she wore hid the curves of her torso, her strong arms were on display. It was a change from the deep blue dress of last night, but still undeniably fitting for her.

She turned away from him, ankle boots clicking on the floor. “I say this only because I'm trying not to be a perv: do you want to put on a shirt?”

Ben hid a grin, the tension in his shoulders dropping. “I was actually headed for the shower. No one could blame you for looking, I'm just a guy who’s shredded with an 8-pack.” He took a long sip of his coffee, watching her hips wiggle over the rim. “Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard.” He chuckled as she snorted. One last swig of his coffee, and he set down the mug. Casually trotting over to where she was still turned away, he leaned down by her ear, his finger ghosted over the bruise on her neck. “Don’t be afraid, Rey. I feel it too.”

She purred as he walked back toward the bathroom door. She turned back again, her gaze bright as it met his, unafraid. Pleased, he snatched his overnight bag easily from the floor as he closed himself in.

* * *

He stripped quickly, chuckling as he turned on the shower. He wasn't sure where this "confident sex God" routine was coming from, but if it kept Rey squirming and _interested,_ he'd take it.

He stepped underneath the spray, the hot water shaving off another few layers of hangover. Hopefully between the heat, the coffee, and maybe some painkillers he could be a decent person at lunch. Andromeda Harbor had more than enough romantic little nooks; it was one of the benefits of living in a picturesque coastal town. The setting and weather were perfect. If he could provide another good conversation, he might just be able to get another date. 

Somehow he'd done it. Ben had convinced her that he was a normal guy, one that deserved a second date with her. He hummed a cheery melody as he lathered shampoo through his hair. There was something about being around her that brought out something in him, and it was nice to be just a normal guy for her.

He snorted. Skywalkers/Solos were far from normal, and he'd gotten the luck to be the endpoint of all of that. Luke and Han were each vaguely charming, but each had their odd occupational obsession: Luke with his stage, Han with his (alleged) industry espionage. His mother was a leader in copyright law, forever defending small creators and never backing down from a fight she could win. Padmé had sowed many of those seeds in her daughter, as a former child actress who refused to be screwed out of what was hers; she was noted for viciously fighting through a bad contract with a studio and was a founding defender of an actor's guild.

Then of course, there was Anakin Skywalker himself. A prodigal triple threat, he had shown great promise in acting, singing, and dancing, but it was the little songs he'd be writing in his mind that got everyone's attention. He'd picked up piano and a pencil and written a few renowned musical numbers for movies. But then his wife died, and he'd had that accident that ruined his leg and left him perpetually angry. He terrorized the creative world, speaking out and ripping apart young dreams as a ruthless critic under the pen name Vader.

Ben sighed softly as he rinsed the second round of conditioner from his hair. He mixed two pools together in his hands: one part creamy body wash, one part exfoliant. A free recommendation from Rose he'd gotten a few years back. As he scrubbed himself down, the story of his grandfather's fall from grace remained with him. Anakin's story was part of the reason he'd majored in music composition.

A bitter snort echoed in the shower as he rinsed himself down. Fat load of good getting that degree had done him; he was working in a college library, after all. He was a sore spot for the family, and his work life never got discussed at family dinners. Of course, being a sore spot for the Organa-Solos was nothing new.

Ben took a deep breath as he turned off the hot water. The steam wafted through the enclosed area as he squeezed some of the excess water from his hair. The fluffy white towel was nice on his scrubbed skin. He brushed away thoughts of his family as he brushed his teeth. There were more important things to focus on.

All but a trace of this morning’s hangover gone, he finished his routine and dressed in his usual black and khaki ensemble. Looking over his appearance, he hoped that Rey would like his tried and true look. One way to find out. 

Boots in hand, he made sure his bag’s strap was perched on his shoulder and that the door closed behind him. He turned to find Rey, but like the night before, time seemed to slow as his eyes found her.

Eyes closed, she was in a trance, coffee mug in hand as she twirled slowly to a tune she hummed. Graceful, ethereal, enchanting; she stepped and rose on her toes, a few loose strands falling free from her topknot as she went. Her arms floated as she shifted from one pose to the next; Ben had gone to enough ballets with his mother to recognize the precise twitches of those tan legs as classically trained.

More importantly, though, he recognized that set of low kicks and twirls; he’d been haunted by them for weeks now. There, with the sunlight sparkling around her, was his golden goddess. He’d found her. _She was here._

There was a thud as his boots hit the floor.

Rey stopped her dance immediately, eyes a little wild. Ben felt a light flush rising on his face, and the pressure set in just as fast. He could _not_ fuck this up now. If the universe was giving him a sign, he would not be so inane to overlook it. If this is what everything had pointed to, then this was his chance. He had to win her. There was no other way.

“Sorry,” he blurted out as he reached for his boots. If his heart was pounding before when he talked to her, it was booming in his chest now. _Recover, this is your shot!_ “I should have guessed, though. You were so light on your feet last night.” So much for the moisturizer and deodorant he just put on; he’d be lucky to avoid a necessary re-application. He slid into his boots quickly, lacing up.

For her part, Rey flushed a bit, too. “Just an old habit, I guess. Never really turns off,” her voice trailed off as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ears.

Laces tied and armed with a reassuring smile, Ben walked toward her, setting down his bag next to hers and reaching for her hand. She took it gingerly, smiling back at him. “I think it’s beautiful, the way you move,” he murmured. She breathed a small laugh. “I think _you’re_ beautiful.”

Those gorgeous hazel eyes met his, searching in the way she seemed to default to. He did his best to be open and let her find what she needed. They narrowed for a moment and she bit her lip before she dropped eye contact, shaking her head gently. She squeezed his hand, lacing their fingers. She breathed more than said _thank you._ Her smile was almost overbearing in its sweetness. God, he wanted to _devour_ her.

Her stomach growled. She grinned up at him. “I heard we were going to have lunch.”

He smirked back at her. “I’ll get you whatever you like if you can get us back to the mainland.”

Her eyes twinkled. “Way ahead of you. A friend with a boat should be here soon. I should warn you; I was eating daintily to impress a guy last night, and there will be no holding back today.”

A clever response died in his mouth as he read the notification buzzing on his wrist. _Reminder: Board return train at 3:30 PM._ It was 12:45 now. He groaned loudly. “Of course.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I would really like to spend the day with you, but I have a train to catch at 3:30. I think I’ll only have time for lunch before I have to go.”

Disappointment flashed across her face, but she hid it well; she squeezed his hand again. “And here I am, stuck in town until Monday. That’s what I get for insisting on _friendship_ and _fraternal bonds._ Well, lunch will work.” Her smile was dazzling and playful as she continued. “I hope we’ll be able to find something for you to eat that’s more than just peanut butter sandwiches.”

He scoffed as he found his bag; he’d tucked his messenger bag in it. Rey held his hand firmly as they left the master bedroom. “I’ll have you know that I just have a refined palate.”

That had her laughing as Ben turned to close the main door behind him, tapping his pocket for a key. She dropped his hand to reach into her duffle bag. He was going to have to watch her more closely. She had grabbed it without him noticing. She locked the door and presented the key back to him. “Oh, no need to worry. I think I still have a reservation at the _Fallen Star_ that I never got to use last night.” She glanced behind him, waving merrily. “Come on, there’s our ride.”

He turned to see none other than Ahsoka steering a small, well-maintained little boat. She waved back at Rey, who began to tug Ben back toward the dock. He turned around to look at the house as he boarded the boat. The wind rustled the grass around it as the manor loomed against the azure sky, impassive and silent. The key weighed in his pocket as Ahsoka began to sail away, the island growing smaller in the distance.

* * *

The smell of freshwater lingered in his dark hair as he got off the boat. Rey said something he couldn’t quite hear to Ahsoka, who grinned before laughing. The ride over had thankfully been uneventful and peaceful. Though, as he looked at his watch, it had taken longer than the standard 15 minutes. While he was grateful that she’d taken the time to take the edge off of his seasickness, Ahsoka had cost Ben time that he already couldn’t really afford to lose.

Rey’s tinkling laugh snapped him away from his growing impatience. She waved to Ahsoka as she leapt from the boat, landing squarely on the dock and cheerfully sashaying past him. He languidly followed behind her, hands in his pockets. They quickly reached the center of town, between her quick steps and his long strides.

After searching the handful of pastel shopfronts, one café stood out. Ben’s feet carried him toward the earth-toned interior, washed by warm lights. There was a bakery shelf full of pastries and sweets, but it was the rich aroma of cinnamon and cloves that attracted his nose. “I told you the cider would bring people in!” A feminine voice called. Sure enough, a woman with deep brown skin, blinding white teeth, and a mass of coiled black hair approached. She leaned in conspiratorially toward Ben. “It was the cider, wasn’t it?”

He nodded dumbly. “Smells delicious.” He heard Rey fighting a snicker behind him.

The woman ahead of him beamed proudly as another woman burst through a door and appeared behind her, annoyed. Her gold and black apron was streaked with flour. “Fine, Jannah, you win. Can I get back to my batter, _please ?”_

The first woman, Jannah, grinned. “Of course, darling. Just proving a point.” The second woman huffed as she disappeared behind the door. Jannah let her eyes stay on the retreating woman’s back for a moment before cheerfully turning back to Ben and Rey. “Don’t mind Zorii. She’s always a little grumpy post-lunch rush; she makes a pot pie for lunch on Saturdays that’s simply divine. Which, if you’re interested, there’s still plenty of,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Rey perked up behind him. “I am!” She scanned the menu quickly. “Can I get it with a cup of cider? It smells incredible.”

Jannah’s toothy grin somehow got even more blinding. “Excellent. I can absolutely get that for you.” She punched in the associated prices, dark eyes steadfast on Rey before turning them on Ben. “And for you, my good man?”

He peeked at the menu behind her, caught between a delightful sounding turkey sandwich on fresh baked bread and a croissant stuffed with house-made chicken salad. He hummed for another second. “I think I’ll try the Turkey Day.”

Jannah nodded approvingly at his choice. “If you really want to lean into that feeling, go for a cup of cream of mushroom soup for your side. Zorii and I figured out how to get the flavors of green bean casserole packed in there.” Ben nodded politely. That, plus another cup of hot apple cider, rounded out things nicely.

He was pulling a card out of his wallet when Rey pressed bills into the outstretched hand. Jannah watched surprise spread over his face with amused interest as she silently handed change back. For her part, Rey took it and slipped to a table near the window as Jannah disappeared with the ticket.

The place was quiet, with a handful of patrons finishing up their lunch at scattered tables. The sun had attached itself to Rey, light draped over her shoulders like a shawl. There was a smirk playing at her lips as Ben sat down across from her. “Thank you for that, but I was more than happy to cover it,” he said.

She reached across the table for one of his hands, squeezing lightly. “I figured as much, but I wanted to.” She half-shrugged, eyes trained on their paired hands. “Besides, now that I’ve paid, I won’t feel guilty when I ask about tasting your lunch, too.”

Ben chuckled darkly. “Ah, the ulterior motive comes out.” His bag rested on the ground as he turned to look out the window; Andromeda Harbor was busier this afternoon, with people scurrying along through storefronts and a few kids chasing each other around a fountain. A comfortable silence settled between them, her fingers playing at his.

After a minute, Jannah swung by their table, dropping off their cider and two icy glasses of water, disappearing as soon as she swept by. Rey reached for her water, gulping a third down. Ben crossed his arms as she slowly sipped at her mug of cider. Apparently it tasted as good as it smelled, because Rey let out a long, pleased sound that had Ben’s hindbrain chanting _mate mate mate._ He reached for his own quickly, sipping on the richly spiced cider.

The taste was enough that he was letting out a delighted moan of his own. The front flavor was bright and apple-heavy, giving way to heady cinnamon, clove, and ginger. The resolving earthy sweetness left him wanting more, so he drank more.

Before he knew it, he had sucked down half of it before it really had a chance to cool off. “Holy shit that’s good,” Rey whispered as she let it down, reaching for her water. Ben copied her movements. Once it had a chance to breathe, the cider’s scent drifted through the air and he took a smaller sip. Jannah was not kidding about how potent this was. Rey played with the handle on her mug. “Where’s your train headed to, Ben?”

He set his mug down. “Phoenix Falls. There’s only a few trains out every other day, so I have to catch the one this afternoon or risk my boss’s wrath come Monday morning. I had planned to take the first one out at 7:30, but I thought I’d give myself some time in Andromeda Harbor.” He peered up at her pointedly. “I’m glad I decided on the last train out.”

She bit the inside of her mouth before she sipped more of her cider. He’d never been so jealous of a cup in his life. “Phoenix Falls isn’t too far from me. I normally commute there from Easthaven,” she replied casually. “‘Just under 20 minutes from the best Phoenix Falls has to offer,’ my realtor had said.” She snorted. “20 minutes is generous. I live on the edge and on a good day, it might be 30 before traffic. Still, though,” she mused, her eyes focusing back on Ben’s, “I may need to find reasons to come out to the city more often.”

Jannah arrived a few moments later, directing Rey’s gaze up to the delightful smells coming from the tray above her and away from his reddening face. The pot pie went down first, washing the pair at the table in its warm aroma. Next was his turkey sandwich and soup, which looked as good as it was described. Jannah winked at the pair, slipping away with a soft _bon appétit._

Rey wasted no time cracking at the dome of flaky crust on her lunch, digging in as she struck gold, rich gravy surrounding large chunks of chicken and vegetables. He watched her for another moment as she chewed the first bite slowly, wiggling her shoulders in unbridled joy. “Holy shit, Ben,” she whispered post-swallow. “You’ve got to try this!” She dug back into her bowl, scooping up plenty of warm filling. She held out her spoon insistently when he hesitated. “You don’t know me very well, but I rarely share food like this. Try it,” she coaxed.

He smiled the tiniest bit, taking the spoonful. His eyebrows raised as flavors and textures exploded in his mouth. Holy shit, that was good. Decadent yet simple, savory and satisfying. However Zorii and Jannah had done it, it was damn delicious. He handed the spoon back to Rey, nodding emphatically. “That’s really good.” He suddenly was thrilled to try his sandwich. Reaching for it, he bit into it.

Somehow, in that single bite, Zorii had crammed in the herbs and flavors of a well-roasted turkey dinner into succulent slabs of white and dark meat he got on toasted, buttery bread. He sliced off a quarter for Rey and slid it on a napkin to her. She had no hesitations inhaling the piece she was given. 

Once they’d shared and tried everything that had been brought to them, they began chatting in between bites. All the basics, really: work, school, local haunts, mutual hobbies. Ben swallowed his surprise at hearing that Rey worked in the fine arts department of Phoenix Falls as a company dancer. She’d been the understudy for a few big productions.

She loved the same obscure bookstore he visited occasionally for its array of cookbooks, and was pushing herself to go to one of the evening cooking classes the university offered. Conversation came so easily, and he was dying to spend more time with her with each passing second.

Eventually, Rey cleaned her dish of pot pie, smiling contentedly as Ben finished his soup, which had been topped with fried green beans and shallots. “I didn’t think food could be that good,” she sighed. He hummed in agreement as he finished the last of his cider and looked down to check his watch. 2:30; he was going to need to head to the train station soon. The contented gleam in her eye faded as she realized the time.

She stood slowly, stretching her arms and sweeping up her bag. “I think I need to walk off this food baby,” she grunted, patting her stomach lightly. “Let me drop off my bag at the _Fallen Star_ and I’ll walk with you to the train station. I can meet you in the town square in about ten minutes.”

Ben smiled at her. “Sounds good.” He collected their dishes, dropping them off in a bin by the front. Jannah waved to them as they left. For the first time, he read the sign on the door: _Baked with Bliss._ Saving that name for later, he followed Rey out.

She turned away from him with a little wave. Her brown ankle boots clicked softly on the sidewalk as she went. He let himself eye her cute little butt for a moment before he spotted a bench facing the road she was headed for; it would be a good vantage point for spotting him when she was done. But for now, Ben had less than ten minutes and a plan.

Darting into a shop full of trinkets, he scoured the counters, finding his mark. A thin bookmark stared up at him, its four slate gray ribbons falling from a pair of delicate silver ballet slippers. That, plus a slim community cookbook of Andromeda Harbor were exactly what he was looking for. He paid the young man at the counter for his bounty, who offered politely to adorn the brown paper sleeve with a bow and to/from sticker for Ben, an offer he gladly took.

Borrowing a pen, he quickly inscribed the inside cover of the book before he filled out the sticker and hid the gift sleeve between his arm and bag. Nodding his thanks, he found his way to the bench just as Rey’s form appeared on the sidewalk. She smiled brightly as she approached, taking hold of the hand he preemptively held out to her. They strolled slowly to the train station, not terribly far from the town square. They were quiet, her body leaned against his as they walked.

Finally the station came into view, and Ben pulled up the ticket on his phone. He was checked in quickly, but since this was a small station, the waiting area was next to departures. There was still some time before he _had_ to board, so he found a bench with Rey. They settled in, his free arm around her shoulder, just content to be touching.

Feeling a little bold, he twisted his head to bury his nose in her hair, a sleepy smile spreading slowly. The rest of the station was silent with a few people moving into departures. Everything seemed to respect the couple’s rapidly decreasing time together and allow them this moment.

Knowing he was running low on time, Ben reached for the package under his arm, nudging Rey with it. “I got this for you,” he murmured. She took it easily enough, and looked it over briefly; she smiled at his gift tag.

“ _To the lovely dancer with her lovely freckles, from the librarian who wants to know her._ You’re very sweet, Ben, but you didn’t have to do this."

He squeezed her shoulder. “I wanted to. Open it,” he prompted lightly.

Needing no further push, she wiggled out the book and bookmark. She marveled at the ribbons of her bookmark and flipped through her cookbook. Her hazel eyes were a little watery as she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Eventually, she pulled back, a breathless smile on her face. “You’re very thoughtful, and I hate that you can’t stay. Ben, I cannot stress this enough: thank you,” she sniffed. “You turned what would have been the worst weekend I could have had into one of the best. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my time. Thank you, for being you,” she finished.

He returned her smile shyly. “Did you see the inscription?”

She dropped her arms quickly, picking up the book and flipping to the front cover. _“I’ve never met a girl as extraordinary as you,”_ she read, voice cracking. _“I hope you cook something in this book that makes you want more.”_ She laughed wetly. _“From a guy who wants to be your something more, Ben.”_ She paused, hands trembling as the book and its mark rested in her lap. “Thank you, Ben.” 

He started to give an answering “you’re welcome,” but it was lost as she suddenly lurched toward him, hands on either side of his face as her lips pressed insistently against his. He had time to blink in surprise once before it was over and she pulled away, honey and whiskey eyes locked on each other. There was a fraction of a second as his brain caught up, and his hands were cupping her jaw as he pulled her back in.

This kiss he had time to savor, and he took his time. All of his senses were hyper-aware as he drank her in, cataloging every sensation for the memory her kiss burned into him. Her lips were smooth and plush and yielding against his, the two of them quickly finding a rhythm. There were traces of the apple cider on her lips; the tip of his tongue swept across it quickly before he nipped at it. The skin of her cheek was soft under his thumb as it explored her jaw. Peach and honeysuckle lingered in the air, wrapping around them like a gentle breeze.

He could feel her smile and pleased sigh as the kiss continued, hands winding into his hair to help remove any remaining space between them. He was overwhelmed by how kissing her felt so _right_ , like every other kiss in his life had been preparing him for hers, except that there was no contest. Her mouth slotted against his, her body curving into his as one hand released her jaw and trailed down the curve of her back.

God, he was so wrong; his imaginary companion may have taken the edge of a growing hunger, but kissing Rey was like tasting ambrosia. She may not have known it, but he was hers, totally captive and willing. If just kissing her felt this good, then he would die if things progressed–

As if she read his thoughts, Rey pulled herself away, reluctant and breathless. Ben was panting a bit too, their foreheads touching. Her laugh was as breathless as she was. “Wow.”

He grinned at her. “Wow indeed.” She snickered, their combined breaths coming more easily. She extracted a hand from his hair to stroke Ben’s cheek. As she opened her mouth to say something, the clock in the station loudly chimed three times. Her eyes fluttered closed as she dropped her hands and pulled away. His lips pressed together, her exasperation reflected. They held those positions before she stood up, him ambling up slowly after her.

A smile was pasted on her face, but her eyes broadcast longing before he swept her into his arms again, hers wrapping around his neck. There weren’t words between them, and he pulled just far away to look into her eyes, not quite willing to let go. His face was serious as he regarded hers, arms on her shoulders. “This doesn’t end here. It’s not a goodbye,” he promised.

She nodded solemnly. “This doesn’t end here. It’s not a goodbye,” she repeated.

Satisfied, Ben pulled her back in close, getting one more drag of her scent. She squeezed his midsection, holding him close. He grabbed his bag from the bench. “I’ll see you soon, Rey.”

She dropped her arms and he followed suit. “I’ll see you soon, Ben.”

One last look at this stunning woman who had changed his life in less than 24 hours, and he was walking to the departure door. It would be crazy to try and explain it, but it felt more like he was leaving a piece of himself behind with her. He looked back over his shoulder, where Rey did a little wave at him, her smile a little less sad. He managed to return her smile and wave as he opened the door.

There was a series of fast _clicks_ across the ground before he was wrenched around and kissed urgently by Rey, shameless in her attempt for one more moment. He leaned into it before he pulled away again. Her smile was much less sad now as she nudged him through the door. The image of her eyes burned in his mind, and he willingly left.

As he settled into his seat on the train, Rey out of sight, Ben slumped against the seat as the train whistled along. He reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, when it dawned on him that during his whirlwind romance with Rey, he’d never actually gotten her phone number.

All of the joy of the last 24 hours turned to panic. _How could he miss that?_ God, would he have to find her on social media? He didn’t even have a Snapchat or Instagram; he had barely registered for Facebook, and that was years ago by now. Would she think him creepy if he had to track her down by going to where she worked? _Of course, that’s creepy._ Ugh, this was right up Ben’s alley. Things weren't a mess for once and he’d found, well, Rey. Of _fucking_ course he’d forget something this simple to fuck it up.

A hand slapped against his forehead. Instead of that golden woman, an image of Rey’s slow dance from this morning flitted in his mind, and he felt his blood pressure dropping. Rummaging through his bag, he found his moleskin notebook. Even if he just meandered and jotted down some ideas, that could help clear some space to think about where to go from here.

Oddly enough, there was a jagged corner sticking out from the bottom edge. Brow furrowed, he flipped to it. His heart swelled as he read it over. There, in quick, jagged scrawl was the word _Rey,_ a little star next to her name, above ten numbers.

He wasted no time, saving the number in his contacts and opening his messaging app. His fingers couldn't type fast enough.

Rey (the dancer)  
  
**Today** 3:40 PM  
**Ben:** Rey, it's Ben. I hope this is you. **Read** 3:41 PM  
  
**Today** 3:42 PM  
**Rey (the dancer):** I see you got my note! That gambit paid off. Yes, it's Rey!  
**Rey (the dancer):** Hi, Ben.  
  
**Ben:** Hi, Rey.  
  



	9. Haven't Had Enough - Marianas Trench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat for Ben and Rey as he returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen y'all, it's about to get hot and heavy in here. Been a while since I've written some smut, so we're testing the water here.

Sunday was a terrifyingly quiet day. Ben’s stomach had been twisting all afternoon through his workout, though he couldn’t figure out why. He took a long drink from his water bottle before he dropped back into another set of lunges.

Getting back to Phoenix Falls had been uneventful. He and Rey had swapped observations and stories of the people around him. It had been her idea, people-watching together from a distance. His mom had been right; Rey had a razor sharp wit. Her quick quips played well against his little jokes, and they had no shortage of subjects to tell stories about. From an exhausted mother turning into the bravest knight on a quest to an elderly couple on the train with him being star-crossed lovers lost in time to so many others in between, she had an answer for every situation, and she was keeping him on the edge of laughter.

It was like she had been right there laughing beside him, instead of hours away in Andromeda Harbor. Still, texts were no substitute for her presence. He had missed the twinkle in her eyes and warmth of her leaning on him. His memory would have to last until he could see her again.

As he arrived home and unpacked, he had agonized about how to ask her when he could see her next. As usual, though, she beat him to the punch. While he sorted his clothes for the laundry and prepped his suit for dry cleaning, she called him to ask about his schedule for the week. There wasn’t a great deal of free time on her end; she was apparently a very busy woman. She volunteered as an older sister to young kids at the community center nearby.

He had pried that story out of Rey late Saturday night. She had been bounced around foster homes that had ranged in success before Maz had gotten her and Finn in their early teens. Finn had been a little older than her, but they had gotten along like a house on fire, and Maz, no children of her own, adopted them as soon as the paperwork cleared. Having an older brother had made a lasting impact on Rey, and even the few years that they lived together made her feel infinitely less lonely. Now, she explained, she would do that for as many kids as she could.

Ben had stayed quiet on that story. If he was only working out and reading, it still counted as him being busy. _And besides,_ he thought to himself, _being an only child had its perks._ He never had to worry about being bored because he always had something to read or music to listen to. He never had to share. Whenever his parents were around, they doted on him well enough. It might have been nice to have _someone_ around, sure, but he came out just fine. Poe was an only child too, and even if he did have dogs and lots of friends in Andromeda Harbor, they’d each come out ahead and adjusted well enough. Regardless, if those kids got to have Rey for an older sister, even for a bit, they were lucky.

It was still refreshing to hear. Her soul was as beautiful as her eyes were, and he didn’t realize how much he’d missed her voice until she spoke, bright as ever over the phone as she had been in person. He was definitely falling hard for her, and falling fast. This next date had to be good; he couldn’t risk her getting away, even if things were progressing crazily fast.

They’d decided for the following Friday night: he’d meet her at the performing arts center downtown, and she’d take the date from there. He was a little anxious about not having all the details, but he also knew that the details didn’t matter too much, just that he’d be with her again. All of his charm would have to come through in conversation since all the date planning was on her. At least that was one less thing for him to worry about.

Eventually he could hear the exhaustion in his voice, and he bid her goodnight. Rey hesitated, before wishing him sweet dreams. If he swooned once she hung up, he’d never mention it to her. Between the stress of the wedding and traveling and meeting his literal dream girl, Ben had slept hard that night.

When he checked his phone that next morning, there was a good morning text from her, and just like that, they were chatting off and on all day about everything and nothing. She walked him through her day and he told her about a few of his favorite books and his trip to the grocery store. Rey had kept up with it, like everything he was doing was fascinating, and his heart was full by the time he told her he was headed to the gym.

He had wrapped up a lot of what he’d wanted to get done, even short a full weekend at home. He’d tidied up, gotten his laundry finished, gone to the grocery store...and yet, as he toweled off after his post-gym shower, there was dread pooling in his stomach.

He was shimmying into some dark sweatpants when his phone rang with a video call. Rey’s adorable face appeared on screen as she chirped a bright hello, stopping short as she realized Ben wasn’t wearing a shirt.

She shielded her eyes, laughing. “What is with you and being topless?”

He chuckled once, setting her down to slide into a black t-shirt. Once he picked up the phone, she looked him over, nodding in approval. “I can’t believe you’re infringing on my right to be half-dressed in my own apartment,” he tutted.

Mock indignant, she turned up her nose, sniffing. “Pardon me for thinking a young woman could avoid _brazen nakedness_ while she’s being courted.”

“Courted, hmm?” He settled into bed. “Didn’t realize we were doing period piece roleplay.”

She snickered, collapsing on her end into bed. The light was soft around her face, hair tucked into three familiar little buns. She had opted for a comfortable looking tank top for tonight, and her face was scrubbed clean. Her smile was lazy as she realized he was staring. Her eyebrow quirked, the nonverbal question hanging between them.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he answered, tone dreamy. He was turning into such a sap. “You’re just as pretty as I remember.”

She blushed in earnest, but from the tiny smile on her face, he knew he’d scored a point.

They chatted for a while longer. At some point she asked about the book on his nightstand and caught sight of his reading glasses, which she was more than happy to lightly tease him about once he modeled them for her (“You’re the perfect librarian, Ben! It’s adorable.”). He got her back when she’d put on a shiny layer of night cream (“gotta maintain this perfect skin”). He proudly told her of the jam he’d put on his normal peanut butter sandwich for his lunch the next day, and she’d commended him.

After that, though, the mood shifted and Rey got quiet. Ben waved his hand, poked at her image on his screen. She half-smiled, the light missing in her eye. His brow furrowed.

She shifted, lying on her side. “Are you going to be okay at work tomorrow? I know personally how much of a royal pain in the ass Hux can be,” she mumbled.

Ben stiffened. Ah, that would explain the dread.

Rey nibbled on her lip as he breathed deeply, running a hand through mostly dry hair. He blinked at his ceiling. Snoke had already gotten his word that personal problems wouldn’t be an issue, and while he could bury a petty squabble, Hux regularly described himself as pettiness incarnate. Eventually, his eyes drifted back to Rey’s little image on his screen. She was still biting her lip, though she was also twirling a loose strand of chestnut hair near her ear. It was endearing, the way she worried over him, and his heart swelled a little more. Maybe he could be strong for her.

“I think I’ll be alright,” he finally said, settling into a similar position as her. “He’s a punk, but I want to avoid making a scene at work. I can be the bigger person, even if he can’t be.” He smiled a little; it was sweet, the way she cared. “No need to worry about me. I can handle this,” he countered smoothly, hoping she believed it. He was going to have to believe it himself, after all. Based on the way her forehead didn’t relax, he’d wager that she wasn’t quite convinced, but she didn’t call him on it. That plump lip was still caught between her teeth, though. “You know, it really isn’t fair for you to be tempting me, the way you bite your lip like that,” he admonished. Hopefully this would make for a good subject change, but she’d have to take the bait. “Especially when I’m not around to act on it.”

Her eyes narrowed a bit and a slow smile curled across her face as her tongue darted out to wet her lips. His heart rate started to pick up as she adjusted herself a bit, the tops of her breasts suddenly visible to Ben. He was going to have to adjust his thermostat; it had gotten unreasonably hot in this room.

“What a shame,” she opined, her voice sultry and low. He hadn’t _really_ intended to make her want to move any faster than she wanted, but he’d be lying to say he didn’t enjoy it. “You, all the way back home, and me, all alone in my hotel room. No one here to touch me but me.” She pouted. He shifted, rolling onto his back as she ran a hand down her neck, playing with the neckline of her top. Little minx. “No big, strong man to run his hands over my body. It’s so awful, Ben. Everything’s so _hot,_ and I’m all alone,” she whined. He heard the covers rustling, but his eyebrows shot to his hairline as Rey made a show of that same hand gripping her chest, fingertip tracing where her nipple would be.

His breath hitched in his throat. Oh, she wouldn’t _dare_ . Her fingertip didn’t stop, though; her breath caught and her head dropped back as he could make out the little nub hardening. He took a deep breath as blood rushed to his cock, double time. He had not intended for her to be quite _this_ distracted. It took everything in him to keep both hands firmly above his waist.

She apparently hadn’t noticed, the fingertip moving to the other side, gasping a little when she pinched it. Oh God, she was trying to kill him. He’d felt how soft her skin was just the other day, and oh, what he would give to get his hands on her right now.

She wasn’t done just yet, though. Her head perked back up as she made sure he watched her hand disappear under the vantage point of her selfie camera. Her cheeks flushed, pupils wide.

He hissed as his cock throbbed insistently; he hadn’t been this hard in a while. “Where’s your hand off to?” he grunted.

A dirty smirk stretched over her face. “Guess,” she commanded as there was a soft, wet sound, and her whole body tightened up as she stifled a moan.

Oh, _moving slow_ be damned as he palmed himself through his pants. The friction was welcome relief as the sounds of Rey _touching herself_ became regular, her back arching. There she was, his wicked girl, putting on a show for him. “Rey, _sweetheart,_ you’re killing me,” he groaned.

Her mouth twitched; she knew good and damn well what she was doing to him, and like the tease she was, she was enjoying it. “You know,” she said between pleased sounds, “the worst part is that I never did get to find out how good your tongue was. I was really hoping to, Ben.” She pouted again, her breathless voice deceptively low. “You look like your mouth would be perfect for making me _scream.”_

He groaned, shimmying those damn sweatpants lower so he could stroke himself more earnestly. “First opportunity, you will. I promise.” He hissed again; his hand was dry, but it would have to do. There was a tube of lube in the drawer, but there was no way he was letting his eyes drop from the screen now to even check.

She moaned at that. His perfect, wonderful girl; she moaned his name brokenly, the phone shaking in her hand. He encouraged her, his own phone trembling in time with hers. _“Fuck,_ Rey. I don’t know if I can keep this up much longer–”

“Mmmm,” she hummed. “Feels good, doesn’t it? Being together like this?”

He grunted as he gripped harder as he stroked; thankfully a bead of moisture slipped out from the head to help lubricate, but she had him racing closer and closer to the edge, and he could tumble any second. “Fuck, just wait until I get my hands on you. God, sweetheart.” 

That got her attention as she suddenly stopped. “Ben, you’re right, we should wait until then,” she said lightly. Ben’s hand stilled. “I just remembered that we told ourselves we’d take it slow, and I want to honor that. We should stop here.”

It was as though cold water had been dumped over his head, and icy realization was forming in his mind. Oh god. She _wouldn’t._ “But Rey,” he sputtered. “You–you were just–

She tutted, shaking her head. “I know, sorry. I just got carried away. No need to worry, though.” She leaned in close, voice low again. “You have all you need to continue, and I can finish this up without you.”

He _whimpered._ He would never admit it to anyone, but she had him by the balls, so to speak, and she knew it.

She giggled, though only briefly. Her eyes softened. “Anticipation will make it so much better, trust me.” She waited for her words to sink in. “You’ll get your chance soon, and in person, no doubt.” Just as he perked up, she smiled brightly. “Have a good night, and sweet dreams, Ben.” She winked just before her image blinked away, call over.

Ben lay in bed as he just processed everything she’d said. Was she moving up the timetable? Was she planning on spending the night with him Friday? Had this been her way of seducing him, giving him a little taste of what he could see after their third date? Wasn’t _he_ the one supposed to be making waiting difficult for _her?_

Only two things were certain: one, he’d have to preemptively warn his neighbors, because if she were consenting, it was his mission to make her orgasm hard enough for everyone to know; and two, he’d need to stock up on lube and condoms regardless, because that tube in his drawer was only enough to get him through tonight, and he was still harder than steel.

After successfully relieving himself from that particularly painful erection and his mind cleared again, Ben got out of bed to clean up, much more tired than he had been and ready to sleep. As he curled up in his bed, the room totally dark, he could feel the pleased sigh of Rey beside him, drifting to sleep 2 hours away.

* * *

Though he’d been well distracted the night before, Ben was definitely fidgeting the next morning. The sky was bright and clear this morning, but he didn’t trust his nerves enough to walk to work today. The morning train was extra quiet; aside from a few sleepy fellow commuters, it was uncharacteristically empty. He sat close to the front, smoothing a few _really_ stubborn wrinkles. His phone was serving as his bookmark as he flipped through the pages of his journal, trying to find a good passage to quell his nerves.

He’d gotten one in over Rey this morning, wishing her good morning before she’d had the chance to text him first. If it was a little snarky because of the way she’d left him high and dry last night, well, he would keep that knowledge to himself. Still, even her unapologetic and cheerful well wishes only shaved off a bit of the consuming dread in his stomach now.

There were a few poems he’d copied down here as a college student. It was bittersweet, seeing a younger version of himself between the lines. He was just beginning his capstone composition class and had been so nervous; but Edgar Allan Poe’s unabated love for the macabre had soothed him as he wrote his dark sonata. The stories of gloom and woe were an oddly comforting reminder that there was always something unchanging and certain about misery and the human experience, and it made him feel less alone in his terror.

Was that what Ben felt now? Terror, about life?

Before he had time to think too deeply on that, the speaker announced that his stop was coming up. Gathering his things, he piled everything into a bag. The late summer sun was radiating warmth as he made his way to his regular coffee shop.

It was weird, not having Poe here to banter with. Just the same, Ben went through the motions of his usual, the barista–Scott maybe?–offering no conversation, and handing the drink over unceremoniously. It was warm and a little sweet, just how he always liked, but something still felt off.

He checked his watch; he was a bit early for clocking in. Rey hadn’t said anything else this morning, but she could have been catching the early train back, too. No sense in dwelling on it; he’d catch up with her later. With nothing else holding him back, he strolled to the time clock and punched in his code.

Oddly enough, it was Phasma at the desk today. Instead of her usual impassive silence, she offered a quiet hello before she left her station. She paused to look him over. There was a trace of a smile on her face before she took off, but Ben supposed he could have imagined that.

As he stepped into the desk, there was a neatly written list of his duties for the day beside his keyboard. Nothing too involved; it was actually shaping up to be a nice day.

He went through his list easily, and by the time lunch rolled around, he was enjoying the single pass of strawberry jam on his peanut butter sandwich at the front desk. Phasma sat in silence beside him, picking at a salad.

There was a single unread message from Rey; it was a little note of encouragement and confirmed that she had barely caught the train home this morning. She’d be headed into work in the afternoon, and hopefully she could catch up with him after that. The snark in his text hadn’t gone unanswered, though: she had a saucy joke about him not taking the heat well.

He huffed quietly at that. He _absolutely_ could take anything she dished out, and told her as much in his reply. There was a quiet pop behind him; he turned just quickly enough to see Phasma chuckling as she stepped away with her empty lunchbox.

The rest of the afternoon was equally quiet. Ben looked through the books he was reshelving. No cookbooks here, but there was a biography of Zelda Fitzgerald that he mused over before putting it back on the cart. He did want to read some nonfiction before the summer ended.

The clock was nearing the end of the shift, and Ben was feeling pretty light as he bounced down the stairs to the front desk. His Amazonian coworker pursed her lips, almost like she was suppressing a smile. He handed her the book and his card; she wordlessly checked it out to him, but she did examine the cover as he took it back. As he tucked his prize into his bag, Phasma broke her silence. “You probably don’t care too much about my opinion, but I like this version of you.” She paused, watching his reaction before she continued. “You seem happier.”

Ben shocked them both by smiling brightly. “I think I might be on my way to happier, actually. And hey–about the whole Bazine thing–water under the bridge. You seem happier, too.”

There was a quivering in Phasma’s face before she tentatively returned his smile. “Have a good night, Ben.” She motioned for the time clock, and there was a little wave between them after he punched out.

Had he turned a little faster, he might have sidestepped the more unpleasant of his coworkers. _“Solo,”_ Hux snarled. “Maybe watch where your enormous lummox body lands, hmm? Without your little _tart_ in tow, you’d think you’d be less distracted.”

Ben had been willing to just clench his hands and let the man by, because he’d had a really great day and hoping to charm a certain woman as he curled up with his new book, but then Hux had opened his fat mouth about Rey.

He drew himself up to all 75 inches of his height, deliberately looking into the smaller man’s eyes. There was a difference of only two inches between them, but it was enough to have Hux stiffen briefly before he stood his ground. Really, it would have been just so easy to just...lean in...wrap his hands around that pale neck...watch the light fade from those hateful eyes…

Ben shook his head quickly. Hux might be a spiteful rat, but he wasn’t worth losing a job over. He clenched trembling hands into fists, breathing deeply. “If you’ve got a problem with me, fine. But the next time you talk about Rey like that, I will _not_ stand down. Understood?”

Hux huffed as he punched in his code. “Sounds like a threat, Solo.”

“Consider it a guarantee,” Ben corrected gruffly, shoving Hux’s shoulder hard as he left the library. He had a book to read.

* * *

The rest of the evening was thankfully quiet. Between a light dinner and the first few chapters of his book, the stress of the afternoon ebbed as the moon rose behind Ben’s apartment window. He recounted the whole story to Rey over video chat later, leaving out his fleeting thought of murder of course.

She was listening intently, doing her best to cover her slurps of noodles as he talked. His mouth quirked as he finished; she really had no business being so adorable. “Any thoughts?”

The bowl was set out of view and her hand drew sloppily across her mouth. She looked at him thoughtfully. “Sounds like Hux is a dick, is all. If he’s all talk, I’d just leave it. He always seemed to think himself a master manipulator.” Her eyes rolled. “If he thinks he’s gotten in your head, that’s enough of a victory for him. Best way to beat him is to let him wear himself out. That kind of guy is thrilled knowing he’s got power over you.” She shuddered. “Can’t believe I nearly pity fucked that guy, yikes.”

Ben hummed. She might have been onto something, but he couldn’t help the niggling thought in the back of his mind. He was going to have to keep Hux cowed, or things would escalate. There was nothing wrong with giving Hux some breadth for now, but he would have to keep an eye on him. Still though, there were more important matters.

“Well, I think I can top ‘narrowly-avoided pity fuck,’ especially since I’ve definitely found a clit before,” he commented casually.

Her answering snort and ensuing giggle was just what he needed to hear. She winked at him, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge his words before changing the subject again, diving into a delighted retelling of the lost sequences she’d found at the theater today. All thoughts of Hux drifted away as she theorized how she’d convince the choreographer to include a few in their next production.

* * *

Not even the promise of his usual coffee could perk up Ben the next morning. It was his day to work the overlap shift, which meant he’d get the whole day with Hux not far from him. There was at least one bird that stopped singing as he stormed by a tree, which got him to take a deep breath outside the library.

Running a hand through his hair, he took full advantage of that minute. Regardless of the tension between them, Hux wouldn’t be stupid enough to risk anything where Snoke could see, so it would be fine in public. Besides, he’d made up his mind to try and look the other way for Rey. With that in mind, Ben punched in his code and walked onto the main floor of the library.

Hux was sitting at the front desk, scowling more deeply than usual at his keyboard. When Ben stepped behind the desk at his station, though, the scowl had dissolved into a bizarrely neutral face. The redhead nodded at him once in acknowledgement, tonelessly running through their assigned tasks for the day. Ben made a few notes on his pad to keep track of the list, and by the time he’d jotted them down, Hux was...smiling? No, it was more of a cheerful grimace.

Whatever it was, it deeply unsettled Ben, whose brow furrowed. “Are you alright? Your face looks...painful.”

There was the tiniest twitch of pale skin around Hux’s eye, and the tightness in his expression relaxed a hair. “Oh, I’m just fine, Ben. Just looking forward to getting the work of today accomplished with you, my fellow librarian.”

The hair on Ben’s neck stood, hearing the skittishness hidden in the false glee of Hux’s voice. It was almost like something had beaten the fight out of him, and he could run off at any second. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Listen, I know it was a tough weekend, and given yesterday, I don’t want us working together to be harder than it has to be.”

At the sound of the latter half of Ben’s words, Hux paled even further. “Oh, no need,” he protested quickly. “The better man got the girl and I shouldn’t have made a scene, not at the reception or yesterday.”

Dark eyebrows shot to an equally dark hairline. Something was definitely off. “Hux–”

But the other man was scurrying off to the farthest wing of the first floor. Brows knitted together, Ben picked up his list and headed to the second floor, getting to work. His projects were straightforward; preserving a few older documents, checking in some books, and keeping the thesis corner stocked so the masters’ students could find what they needed.

Before he knew it, it was lunch time. Another peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, an apple, and a bottle of water. He scrolled through his messages. There was only one new text, an invite from his mom, asking about dinner next Wednesday. Shelving that for later in his mind, he looked back through his messages with Rey. He had been looking forward to her little morning text message, but it was missing today. Stowing his bottle for later, he toyed with the idea of sending another text. _Walking the balance of interested, but not desperate and needy, was tough._

He could send it later today if she didn’t reach back out by the end of the day. Something casual, maybe? Just something easy, like he was thinking of her. Just on a surface level, though. He couldn’t be creepy and fuck this up, not when things were going so well!

He started back up to the third floor for the rest of Hux’s shift. He would have to figure this out later.

* * *

It had been the most agonizing five and a half hours of his life.

He’d done his best to concentrate on the task at hand, he really was. The work he was doing was important, he knew it was. He’d even shushed a few people, a rarity, since the three librarians usually didn’t need to speak to enforce orders.

Yet she had been on his brain the entire _fucking_ time. Was she busy? Was she avoiding him? Was her phone at the bottom of a lake? She commuted to work; she _must_ have had a moment to send her “good morning, Ben,” sometime today, right? What if she didn’t like he’d been feeling brave and called her _beautiful_ instead of her name in his text to her?

What if she just wasn’t as interested in him as he was in her? That particular thought had gotten the metronome in his mind going. 

_One two three four one two three four. One. Two. Three. Four._

He had calmed down enough to move onto the next task, but that same terrifying train of thought persisted. After all, it had only been a few days since their chance meeting; still, just because they had _chemistry_ didn’t mean it was enough. What if Rey had been someone who “ghosted” people, like the undergrads always complained about? God, wasn’t she in that age group? What the hell was he doing with a 23 year old? Even if she was bright-eyed and funny and so distractingly gorgeous and kind and _the embodiment of his imagination–_

Suddenly, his mind was playing back snippets of her. Rey, and her bright hazel eyes meeting his own that first night. Rey, dancing slowly in that room on Melody Isle, the sunlight streaming around her. Rey, laughing unabashedly, sounding like music. Rey, breathing a little harder after he finally, _finally_ had the chance to kiss her.

_Rey Rey Rey Rey_

And just like that, his phone buzzed. The watch followed, a snippet of a message racing across the face:

From: Rey (the Dancer)

Sorry I missed you this morning! My phone died after video chat last night. I’ll get you the highlights later. Promise to make it up to you!

A second later, she followed it up:

From: Rey (the Dancer)

For the record, if I didn’t have a perfect name for you in my phone, you’d be “Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”

The calm that washed over him was aberrant; it was strange, how fast his nerves had calmed at seeing her messages. Part of him was even more terrified than before. No one had ever had that kind of power over him. As a child, he had been prone to odd bouts like these, where thoughts would be spinning out of control. His parents had done their best when they were home to no avail. Once they shipped him off to boarding school, his piano mentor, a wizard of an ancient man with a wicked gleam in his eye, had told him about the metronome and its steadying rhythm. That had done its part, and with his mentor’s encouragement, he’d been able to get off his anxiety medication, and now he was normal, most of the time. 

He still had his bouts, sure. Nothing that the counting hadn’t fixed. And yet here was Rey, growing over his life like kudzu vines. In less than a week, she had changed everything.

In the middle of that thought, he glanced at his watch again. It was nearly time to go.

Ben made his way back to the first floor. Apparently he’d missed Hux clocking out, but next to his keyboard at the front desk was a checked list in impeccable, thin handwriting. That was another odd thing. Hux was not one to let something like disrespect go easily, and though the prick absolutely needed to answer for being a dick to Rey, being surrounded and mocked like might have been a bit much for someone to stomach.

He rubbed his arm as he waited for Phasma to arrive; he’d only have a bit longer after that. Once some time had passed and Hux got some space, it might be a good idea to extend an olive branch. The punishment was necessary, but they didn’t need to be as harsh as they had been.

Phasma appeared then, impassive as always. He filled her in quickly on what was left to do, her nodding briskly once he finished. They worked together in comfortable silence for another hour before he let her know he was leaving. She let him pass, but like yesterday, there was an amused smile on her face as he went to clock out.

The sun was beginning its descent into the horizon as he walked out of the library doors. Sending a quick text to Rey to let her know he was free to text again, Ben began his walk home. Between Rey and Phasma and Hux, everything was changing around him, and his thoughts were pancakes in his mind, turning and flipping over while he sorted all of this out.

Still, once he’d gotten back to his apartment, dinner sizzling faintly on the stove, he was feeling an overwhelming sense that all of these new dynamics were just par for the course. He was no stranger to emotions, but maybe if things went well and he could convince Rey to stick around, he wouldn’t have to navigate this alone.


	10. Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu - The Maine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries something different. Rey flexes her intuition. Date 3 is on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cannot stress this enough. Went on a date like this once. Ben Solo deserves to be treated well, and my girl Rey has _got_ him figured out.  
> Victorian flower language? Maybe.  
> A heads-up: we're turning up the tension again, and there will be some hot and heavy here, too.

Friday had come out of nowhere, and there was a knot in Ben’s stomach as he chewed at his lunch. There were so many wrinkles in his damn pants, and his hands were foolishly full of sandwich. That’s what he got for wearing a new outfit to work. Even Phasma, who never looked at men twice if she could help it, paused to nod in approval. 

New outfits were the worst. 

Rey hadn’t given him a whole lot of clues for her plans for the evening, just to “dress comfortably.” Naturally, nothing he owned would be good enough. He was just lucky Paige had time for a last-minute video call consult last night as he frantically shopped after work to look his best for his date. She instructed him to find a lightweight sweater in a rich color and dark wash jeans. He’d whined about these black boots she insisted on, but she’d been right about how they really classed up his outfit. Never one to give Ben any leeway, Paige clapped and cackled in maniacal delight as he stood before her tiny image in the dressing room, a thin wine red sweater clinging to his torso. Once she stopped preening, she told him to wash his new clothes to soften them, dig out the leather jacket she’d found in his closet before, and he’d be ready. Based on the looks he was already getting, he would once again have to thank Paige for her impeccable taste.

He’d trimmed up his facial hair and debated about applying the cologne that Paige had given him for the wedding. Luckily for Ben, he didn’t have to worry about freshening up here, since his apartment was on the way to the performing arts center. He would have just enough time to swing back and drop off his bag, but quite not enough to change, thus his date outfit was doing double duty as work clothes. Plus, all the walking would help finish breaking in these boots.

Still, Ben was really doing his best not to be nervous. The past few days had been shockingly smooth; Rey had told him stories of other dancers in the company and of a particularly sweet little boy who had taken to her during her volunteering. They were still finding new things to debate and laugh about; it was still easy, talking to her. Last night, she’d even mentioned how excited she was to see him again.

When they were together before, he didn’t have time to be nervous. He’d been on two dates with her in 24 hours, and here they were, date three rapidly approaching. Ben hadn’t done a whole lot of serious dating, but Bazine had dragged out the process, and really, their first date was more a “oh, you’re not a murderer, I guess we can fuck regularly” verification than anything else. A lot of his relationships had begun that way.

But Rey had shifted the paradigm. While there was a part of him that would have been more than happy to have satisfied his carnal urges, the overwhelming majority was just thrilled to be around her effervescent self again. Just kissing her had been a treasure all on its own, and something he was really looking forward to. It was also the source of all of his panic.

He just wished he’d had the foresight to wear a shirt underneath. Cooler weather was coming in fast, so it was a few degrees warmer in the library, and he’d been forced to roll up the sleeves. Quite a few women (and a handful of bolder men) had been asking him for more help than usual, and being treated like eye candy was a new, distressing sensation.

Soon though, the end of the day was upon him. He was shrugging into his leather jacket when a new email popped into his inbox.

Snoke.

A chill ran down his spine as he read:

> _ Solo, _
> 
> _ Your monthly performance meeting will be next Friday at 11 am. There is much to discuss. _
> 
> _ It would behoove you to make notes. _
> 
> _ T. Snoke _

Ben took a deep breath, the metronome in his head counting steadily, managing his trembling hands long enough to log out of his station and nod once at Phasma, sitting eerily still at her computer.

Shoving that fear onto the back burner, he exited the library. It was just going to have to wait until later. He had a woman to see.

* * *

Ben had plotted out this course twice on his phone already and was replaying it in his mind now. He popped by his apartment, leaving his messenger bag on the little table. He checked his watch; there was just enough time for one more cursory look around. He verified that his bathroom was sparkling and his belongings were arranged neatly. A tiny bit of cologne on his neck, a quick tousle of his hair, and he was ready.

The soft  _ click _ as the deadbolt slid into place was his reminder to text Rey. A minute later he was on the street and she replied, apologizing immediately. His heart started to drop into his stomach before the next message arrived, explaining that she was tied up with work, but that she would be out as soon as possible.

He paused. Maybe this could work to his advantage. He searched on his phone quickly; there was a florist downtown near the theater. Perfect.

Downtown was filling up as people were heading home from work. There was laughter and clinking glasses as Ben passed by bars. Aromas from a handful of restaurants permeated the air; he noted a few of the better-smelling ones for later.

The sky was just getting dusky as he made it to the flower shop. The person behind the counter greeted him politely. Looking around, Ben was feeling a little helpless, but they were sharp-eyed and helped him pick out a handful of red gerbera daisies, pink peonies, and a single, thornless red rose in the center, accented with delicious honeysuckle blooms. Tied with a ribbon to match the rose, Ben took the bouquet, thanking them quietly and passing back more than enough cash to cover the cost before dashing away.

He checked his watch as the theater came into view. 5:52 PM. Looking up at the building, he felt a rush of nostalgia. Leia had taken him to so many performances here; the red brick exterior had aged a bit, but the twinkling lights were just as he remembered. The glass doors to the lobby were closed, but upon further inspection and a light push, they opened.

Ben was thrust back in time as the carpet was crushed under his shoes.  _ "This is a magical place,” _ his mother had said, way back then. It was where his grandmother was doing a show for charity; here, Anakin Skywalker had first seen her perform on stage, when he was just working as the backup pianist.  _ “She was an angel on stage. And just like that,” Leia flicked her hands open like fireworks bursting. “He was smitten.”  _ He had written a song for her that very night, but he could barely work up the nerve to tell her how he felt, dancing around her for years. But then he’d gotten a chance to play it for her, and the rest became history.

So long ago, little Ben Solo had heard the story of his grandparents. As he recalled that memory, bouquet clenched tightly, he couldn’t help the springing hope that maybe this was a chapter in his love story with Rey.

Letting his feet guide the way, he found himself in the main chamber, where up on the stage, totally engrossed, was Rey herself. She had a notepad in hand as she moved around the stage, taking tiny steps in her ballet slippers and scribbling in her notepad as she went. The stage was lit brightly as she worked, but the house lights were down, like they would be for a performance. He debated about just waiting outside, but regardless of what he was thinking, his feet were moving him deeper into the darkness toward her.

Ben was silent as he crept toward the middle. He slid into one of the cushioned seats, watching as strands of hair shook free from her trio of buns as she floated across the stage. She was a vision, her long legs wrapped in baby pink tights with orange and white legwarmers surrounding her ankles. A thin-layer tutu contrasted the tight black leotard she wore, and it lazily swished around her as she moved. Her head dropped back as she stretched, her leg perfectly straight as she delicately grasped the arch of her foot.

He was transfixed as she suddenly tossed her pen and notepad to the side. Her dance continued. Somehow, he could hear the silent music that accompanied her as she leapt and spun and tiptoed across the stage, majestic and graceful. Every moment was distinct and controlled as she told a story with her body. He had trouble looking away from her generally, but he was quickly putting together that she could steal the show from anyone around her.

There was a pause as she marched to center stage. She swung her arms once as she surveyed the space in front of her and suddenly  _ she flipped, _ landing lightly on her hands. His jaw dropped as her legs drifted into a wide split; once they were perfectly apart, her legs swung, and she used the momentum to spin, mimicking a turn she’d done the traditional version of moments ago.

Giggling to herself, Rey’s head was facing away from Ben as she gently came down, one leg slowly landing back on the stage, followed by the other. Recognizing this as an ending move, he got up and quickly moved toward the front, moving as silently as possible. As she slid into a seated position, arms drifting down from a high V, he reached the edge of the orchestra pit in front of the stage, pulling out the center rose of the flowers to toss at her.

It landed squarely in front of her, and she picked it up. Once she realized what it was, her head snapped up in his direction, eyes searching. He met her gaze evenly.  _ “Brava,” _ he called.

She broke form to slide closer to the edge of the stage, lights shining around her like a halo. “I take it you enjoyed the show?” She plucked at the rose’s vibrant petals as her breathing evened out. He didn’t have to see; he heard a smile in her voice.

“You were magnificent,” he offered earnestly.

Said smile was small as she stood. “I promise I really was working before you caught me playing around.” Ben watched as she crossed the stage, plucking her notepad and pen as she continued explaining. “I got roped into helping block the stage for the sugar plum fairies.” She paused, motioning for him to follow her. Once he was on the stage and headed into the curtains, she led him to the stage door. “I was just getting ready to call it a night.”

“I didn’t realize  _ The Nutcracker _ started rehearsal so soon,” he thought aloud as he followed her through.

She nodded ahead of him. “September is a little earlier than other productions begin, but we have a lot of work to do with the little dancers. They start rehearsal in a week, and anything we can do to help them stay ahead is a good thing.” She stopped as she arrived in front of what he surmised was a group dressing room. Her mouth opened to speak again, but no words escaped. Instead she looked him over, roaming eyes slow and a bit dilated as she made her way back up.

He thrilled internally as her tongue darted out to wet her lips. At this point, anything Paige wanted, he’d give her for the sheer  _ want _ radiating off Rey right now. Extending his hands, he presented his offering to her. “For you.” She took them gratefully, plucking at them as color filled her cheeks. “I got three kinds of flowers, since it was our third date. I hope that’s okay.” 

There was no verbal response from her, still just playing with the petals. He took a deep breath; the smell of her fruity, floral perfume filled his nose as he wondered, not for the first time, if he would always get tongue-tied around her. “Rey, I just want you to know before we go anywhere else tonight,” he began, taking one of her hands and stepping closer to her. Her focus drifted to his hands. He gulped, voice uneven. “I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t have a lot of ‘serious relationship’ experience. Hell, I take forever to talk because being near you makes words difficult.” She snorted, finally looking up and meeting his eyes, coaxing him to continue. “This is probably the wrong end of the date to mention it on, but I really, really like you. And,” he inhaled deeply, stretching the moment as long as he could, “I think that maybe I tricked you into really, really liking me too.” His thumb roved over hers; he had missed even touching her like this. “You might be the first person I like being with more than I like being alone,” he chuckled. When she didn’t immediately say anything, sweat beaded up in his scalp. He should have just stopped while he was ahead; this was  _ just  _ like him to get all of the words out and then  _ ruin the ending. _

He had been so caught on that train of thought that he missed the warning of Rey’s lip trembling before she threw her arms around his neck to crash her mouth to his. Ben stumbled back as he caught her, registering somewhere else in his mind that this was becoming a pattern for her. He also quickly recalled that arms full of Rey was a very good happenstance, but one that had yet to last forever. One of his arms snaked around her waist as the other held the back of her neck. She smiled into the kiss, her mouth sweetly insistent that he yield as her back curved and she pressed closer to him. 

He was feeling bold again, opting to pull back and pressing lips to her forehead when she pouted. “Taking it slow, hmm? ‘Anticipation’ and all,” he reminded her with a wink. She narrowed her eyes and scowled without heat, lowering her hands to his shoulders.

“So be it, then,” she said lightly. He watched as she popped up on her toes and pecked his lips with a kiss, descending just as fast as she rose. Rey slipped into the dressing room, bouquet still tightly held in her hands as she winked, her body disappearing behind the door. “Give me ten minutes,” she called as the door shut behind her.

Ben was left in the open space backstage, his mind wandering. She was remarkable, that Rey. Sure, he knew she was great before, but to see her move across the stage, light as a feather and without a care in the world...he was astonished. And that spin on her hands…! She was witty, caring, and adorable; she was graceful, determined, and so expressive. Oh, she was incredibly beautiful, both in her movements and in her physique. And she was into him! As he mulled over the evidence in front of him, Ben was presented with the idea that she might be the perfect woman. 

The door creaked open a moment later, and out stepped Rey. Her three little buns had been combined into a ponytail, chestnut hair cascading down one side and brushing her shoulder. Those long legs were on display again, though this time they flowed from a cream-colored sundress that hit a few inches above her knee. She’d layered it with a light blue button down shirt, the tails of which were tied in a knot just below her chest; he was doing his best to focus anywhere but there. She was shorter than he’d ever seen her now, light blue and brown striped flats keeping her grounded.

Her smile was dazzling as she took his hand. “Ready?”

He squeezed it. “As ever, Rey.”

* * *

The evening sky was dark above them. Clouds were lazily drifting in to block the twinkling stars, but when Ben commented on it, it just seemed to make Rey giddy.

The first stop on their date, she had announced, was Rey’s favorite spot for lunch, a place that specialized in kebabs. She snorted at his raised eyebrow. “It’s food on a stick, Ben. It’s in our primal nature to eat food from sticks,” she explained to him as they waited. When their giant platter of mouthwatering, teriyaki-glazed chicken, shrimp, and vegetable kebabs arrived, he was inclined to agree. “The best part,” she said around bites, “is that you can eat it like corn on the cob, or if you’re a pro, like me, you can do this.” He watched with wide eyes as she pinched about halfway up the skewer and smoothly pulled food down and into her open mouth. She took a bow with full cheeks as he tried not to choke with laughter.

Tonight’s dinner topic was what they’d been like as very young kids. He told her about his piano playing as a little kid, and her hazel eyes were sparkling when he mentioned the compositions back on the island. He’d slipped up and mentioned his music degree.

“That’s so cool! You hadn’t ever mentioned composing your own work before,” Rey innocently remarked.

Ben felt his mood darken and the bubbling of anger inside him. That was his mistake, not hers. He would not punish her for it. “It’s a sore spot,” he muttered.

She recoiled a bit before she reached across the table, palm upturned. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I don’t mean to pry.” 

He sighed as he took her hand, a sad smile on his face. “No, it’s okay.” He shook his head, running his free hand through his hair. “My grandfather was a pretty famous composer. He was brilliant, and practically a modern legend in film scores. But he also moonlighted as a nightmare to young screenwriters and directors. He was nicknamed ‘Darth Vader’ for the way he terrorized people.” His finger tapped at his temple as the moment lengthened. “I got interested in music as a kid, and my parents were always worried that I had too much of him in me. Turns out they were right.” He paused, honey eyes steadily meeting his own. She hadn’t run off yet, so he continued. “I was a really angry teenager and had a talent for finding the chink in people’s armor. I adopted an online name and spent a lot of time cyberbullying people, and it didn’t stop when I went to college, either. I hurt a lot of people, and it made me feel good at the time, seeing someone more miserable than I was.” She was still there, steadily holding his gaze as shame burned hot in his face. “I still feel guilty about that.”

She rubbed his hand, still quiet.

“But yeah, my parents still hate that I got a degree in an area that my ‘nasty old grandpa’ knew best. It doesn’t matter that I liked it, or that I was learning how to do it for my own reasons. I had the echo of him in me, and now we don’t talk about it.” Ben shook his head, doing his best to force the bitterness out from his voice. “I’m sorry, Rey. This isn’t exactly date night friendly talk. We can talk about something else, if you want.”

She smiled, also sad. Fuck, he didn’t mean to bring down the whole vibe. “No, I’m glad that you like opening up to me. And I get it, families are complicated.” Her gaze turned distant as she paused, though after a moment, a genuine smile spread across her face. “But we shouldn’t dwell on this if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Just then, the server arrived with their check. Ben swiped it just before Rey made a motion for it, winking at her. “Let me,” he insisted. She relinquished, and he slid a card in the folder. She raised an eyebrow, and he shrugged.

“Let me guess,” she pursed her lips as she considered him.  _ “‘I’m a trust fund, baby, you can trust me,’ _ yeah?”

He held a hand to his chest. “Did you just roast me by musical?” This time she shrugged, wry smile still on her face. Ben swooned dramatically, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “Has anyone told you that you’re the perfect woman?” He asked seriously.

She snorted, laughing as his card was returned. He glanced at the check, adding a sizable tip and signing with a flourish. Once her laughs subsided, she rose from her chair. “Onto stop 2: the main event.”

* * *

Rey had slyly ordered an Uber while she had excused herself to the ladies’ room. When she emerged, the car had already pulled up outside, and she offered little about their destination.

Soon though, Ben recognized where they were. “The Natural History Museum,” he intoned, curious. She was giddy, pulling him out of the car and not saying much more. From what he could tell, that door was locked, and it was about half an hour past closing time. She commanded him to wait as she rapped her knuckles against the door four times. The door cracked open, and she tugged them through.

Inside, a pair of older men stood by. The shorter of the two nodded at Rey. “Miss Rey, it’s all queued up for you. You know where to go.”

She grinned, throwing her slim arms around the pair of them, ostensibly thanking them. She turned back to Ben. “Come on!” They strolled past dinosaur exhibits and cavemen displays before they arrived in a large, domed theater. “I’m really glad it was overcast tonight, it’ll make this even better,” she gushed as she directed them to the center. She sat first, telling him to recline all the way back. It was deathly quiet and dark in the theater, and Rey reached for his hand in the darkness. “This is one of my favorite places in the world,” she whispered conspiratorially.

Ben was opening his mouth to ask follow-up questions when the screen above them exploded with the muted color of twilight and shifted, slowly taking on the blue-black of the midnight sky as tiny bursts of starlight twinkled into view.

A deep voice walked them through their section of the night sky, pointing out planets and star systems, zooming out to show assorted Hubble shots of galaxies and planets, distant and beautiful. Rey whispered and pointed out different spots as the program continued.

Ben swallowed, overwhelmed sobs threatening to break in his throat. He’d always,  _ always _ wanted to go to space camp as a kid, but never had convinced his parents to let him go before the cutoff age. It had died as an unfulfilled childhood dream, and yet Rey, kind, thoughtful,  _ amazing  _ Rey, had taken him to space herself. How did she know?  _ Did it even matter? _ In less than a week, she’d found a way to understand him better than anyone had even tried to before, and she’d  _ nailed _ it.

He looked over at her, eyes watery as they met hers. She squeezed his hand lightly, weaving their fingers together.

He hadn’t believed the evidence earlier, but now he knew. She  _ was _ the perfect woman, and as he looked over her, her eyes fixed on the show, he was certain. He understood it, now: the way Paige got dreamy when she talked about Snap, the way the Dameron family looked at each other when they were together, the way his father stole kisses from his mother. His heart was pounding in his chest, and suddenly his near-constant thinking of Rey made more sense. Crazy as it was, there was only one conclusion.

Ben had fallen in love with her, and fallen hard.

* * *

He was still floating in that headspace when Rey tugged him out into the night. Everything was hazy and soft now, like he was in the best dream of his life. There was even music playing in the background now.  _ Wait. _ No, that was just the most musical voice he’d ever heard before, and she was saying something he should have been paying attention to.

Her green-rimmed amber eyes were focused on his and she held both of his hands, still giddy. “So the show, yeah? I hope that was okay.” She bit her lip, thumbs stroking his knuckles.

Oh, she was nervous. He couldn’t have that. He leaned down and sucked the lip from between her teeth, kissing her languidly before he barely pulled away. “Perfect, Rey,” he breathed to her, voice deeper than he’d intended.

She shuddered as he stepped back. She was still trembling. He slid out of his leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders, still just watching as she slipped slender arms through the sleeves, red dancing prettily on her face. “There’s one more place I want to go tonight, but I can’t decide which. There’s a piano bar downtown that does really good cocktails and a sweets shop that dips anything you want in chocolate. Any thoughts?” Her voice was breathy as he reached out to tuck hair behind her ear.

“I’ll go wherever you want tonight, but to be honest, sweetheart,” he cupped her jaw, thumb stroking her bottom lip, “I have all the sweet I need right here.” Deep in his mind, Ben could see different parts of him breathe a collective sigh of relief as the charming, flirty Ben Solo from before was running the show.

Rey seemed to like it too, internal debate rapidly occurring in her slowly dilating eyes. “Piano bar for a bit, then?” She whispered, fingers trailing his sides and playing at the hem of his sweater.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening up his phone to the Uber app and handing it to her. “I’ve got this one, just put in the address.” It took her a second to break eye contact and take the phone, her column of neck on display. He’d seen how her neck had bruised gorgeously before; maybe she’d want to wear another like a badge of honor tonight. He drew her closer, tracing tiny circles in her lower back and letting her get a head start before he pressed his lips to her throat, breathing her in deeply.

Her breath hitched as she did her best to focus and type precisely. He had no interest in that, though. She’d made some delicious little sounds before for him over video chat, and he was determined to hear one now. He peppered kisses down the line of her neck as she went about her task. She was resisting the urge as typing got more difficult for her. There was a salty edge to the sweetness of her skin that was vaguely familiar to him, a sense memory likely left from when he did this before on the island.

There was a soft  _ ping _ as the address was entered and she snaked his phone into his pocket, still barely holding in a moan as he refused to release her. “We’ve got seven minutes,” she gasped as he kissed a spot below her ear.

Wasting no time, Ben plucked Rey up from the ground and closed the distance to the wall of the museum, pinning her eye-level there. It was feverish, the way she pulled him to her, letting that moan out as she wrapped her legs around his waist for support. He swallowed it greedily, hands sliding over her exposed, heated skin. Their mouths moved in tandem and he arched into her, pressing her against the wall. Rey continued to up the ante, her tongue darting out quick to the seam of his lips.

His tongue darted out to meet hers and heat began building between them. Her fingers were knotted in his hair as she pulled away to catch her breath. He inhaled deeply once before reattaching his mouth to her neck, now trailing open-mouthed kisses as she keened above him. He noted distantly that this time, the mark he was sucking into her neck would be on the opposite side.

Her hips ground in response as she whimpered; he hissed as his cock twitched angrily in his jeans. He pulled away to admire his handiwork, a deeply purple-red bruise contrasting against her skin. Rey’s eyes were crazed when they met, both of them breathing unevenly. Encouraged, Ben pressed his lips back to hers, her body  _ demanding _ as he ground back, feeling wet heat radiating from her center as his hands squeezed at her chest. Her heels dug in to press him even closer, air hardly between them. Their hips made contact as he shallowly thrusted, both of them breaking the kiss to cry out. 

Their heated gazes were locked in nonverbal discussion as they took in their current state, seemingly in agreement that getting arrested for sex at the Natural History Museum would make for a great first time story, but not one they wanted to tell. Still, it took everything in Ben to pull his hips from hers, muscles beginning to burn as she landed on the ground. They each took a tiny step back, to smooth themselves out, and he adjusted himself so that his raging erection could relax.

By the time they turned around, each feeling more put together, Rey was grinning. He rolled his eyes. “I told you, _ anticipation, _ ” she chirped. When she laughed at his answering look, he swatted at her butt lightly and pulled her close to his side, pressing his lips to the crown of her head without any words as a response.

* * *

The car ride to the piano bar was chaste enough, a comfortable silence settling in as he wryly noted the bar was a leisurely five minute walk from his apartment. Rey held his hand the whole way over, but her foot rubbed at his ankle suggestively once they were 30 seconds from their destination. It occurred to Ben as she winked, exiting the car, that she knew good and damn well where they were, and had not only deduced where he lived, but planned this very carefully indeed. 

He’d have to examine the implications of that later, but all he could think about for now was how badly he wanted to have those strong thighs pressed against his own, straddled above his hips, and like he promised her originally, wrapped around his head.

He shelved that thought for later, though; he’d willed his cock down once already tonight, and he wasn’t sure how cooperative it would be if he had to do it twice. 

Rey was looking him over, apparently struggling with the same thoughts as her eyes lingered at his lips for longer than necessary. Still, she tugged on his hand and led him in the darkened bar, the piano’s tones lazily drifting through the air like smoke as a woman played.

They found a booth along the back wall, settling in easily. She cozied up to him, eyes closed as he instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulders. A possessive part of him preened as she pulled his jacket closer to her body. A few well-dressed servers popped by every now and again, but neither of them felt all that compelled for anything beyond the ice water provided.

A well-dressed man that vaguely reminded Ben of Poe swaggered onto the stage. Winking at his partner on the piano, he took the microphone at the front. As the opening notes to a sultry melody permeated the air, the man’s seductive baritone implored young lovers to do as they do best. Rey, moved to action by the man’s words, squirmed beside him, tracing circles along the hem of his sweater. Soon, all pretense of the sweater was gone, her fingers now on bare skin as the song continued.

It occurred to him that this was the same fingertip that had made his night hell only earlier this week, and he chanced a glance down at her. She looked up at him, expression innocent, but her eyes were bright with mischief as she scooted closer and slid Ben’s hand from her shoulder to her bare inner thigh.

Christ on a cracker, they weren’t even going to make it through the set at this rate. Ben took a steadying breath, breathing hard through his mouth. It was a risk, doing this in public, but it was dark enough in here, wasn’t it? He looked down at her, looking for resistance and finding none.

Feeling that surge of boldness again, he allowed his fingers to trail up the seam of Rey’s squeezed thighs. Her mound was pulsing with heat. He glanced at her face, doing his damnedest not to draw undue attention. She looked casual enough, sleepily draped over his shoulder to any passersby. Her lascivious gaze cut up to him, enticing him to continue.

His fingertips tapped gently there, squeezing her lightly. He shifted slightly as he grasped just how impossibly  _ soaked _ she was, unlikely just for the act itself. Making sure his pace was painstakingly slow to tease her, he ghosted down the edge of her little scrap of underwear. Her only tell was the barely audible inhale she took as he traced along her swollen sex. The tip of his finger slipped into her easily, taking the fabric with it. It was all she could do to bite her lip and keep that moan hidden.

Ben was feeling adrenaline and desire pump through his veins as he watched Rey’s face contort with barely concealed ecstasy as he slipped a finger in and out of her slick heat. Lust was beginning to cloud his mind as he casually slid in another, pressing both to the knuckle and curling upward. The breath seemed to punch out of her lungs as she gripped his arm tightly. Holding his fingers still, he took this opportunity to trace her throbbing clit with his thumb. Her back arched and she  _ whimpered. _ Sparing her face a glance, he relished in the way her jaw clenched, about to bite through that pretty lip of hers, already reddening from abuse.

He pumped his fingers lightly, stealing a kiss to swallow the moan that slipped out. Now that she was having trouble staying quiet, it was time to get moving. “We should go, sweetheart,” he whispered, his thumb abruptly grinding hard against her sensitive bundle of nerves. She shook in the crook of his arm, nodding twice. “You okay to walk? It’s only a few minutes away. Then I’ll take care of you all night, I promise.” She nodded again, eyes dreamy.

He smiled down at her, his sweet, perfect girl. His fingers pulled out with a soft, wet  _ pop, _ and her nose twitched as she silenced her remaining reaction. Making sure she was watching, he swirled a finger coated in her over his tongue. She shivered as he hummed. She was a little tangy, but still delightfully sweet. He’d make good on his promise to get her essence straight from the source, but for now, he needed her in his bed, naked and ready, no particular order required.

“Come, Rey,” he ordered. She swore under her breath at his words, shifting and shimmying out of the booth. He readjusted his pants, just to make sure no one was getting too much of a show. With his jacket still firmly around her shoulders and a flush bright on her cheeks, Rey slid out of the bar, his eyes on that pert little ass as he followed right behind her. She laced their fingers once he stepped ahead of her, keeping up with Ben’s long strides. For once, the silence between them wasn’t comfortable, but buzzing with tense electricity. Ben felt it between them as they walked. He glanced at her again, though this time her eyes were focused on her feet in front of her. 

His heart raced unpleasantly. When they were back there in that cub, she had seemed brazen, tempting him to be braver than he normally felt. So why was she acting so demure now? Had he misread the signs? He studied the encounter in his mind, focusing on when she gripped his arm.

Oh no. All his confidence drained away as he reviewed that moment. What if that was her nonverbal way of telling him to stop, and he’d just continued? What if she was following him to tell him he’d hurt her? It would kill him if he had, it really would–especially with how great things had gone tonight, and in light of the night’s revelations. His heart was suddenly in his throat as they stepped into the elevator. 

His head was heavy as he turned to face her, ready to apologize as the doors closed. Rey easily pressed him against the wall and he readied himself for a tongue lashing, eyes closed. There was a long moment of agony before she pressed her lips to his gently. “You’re overthinking, Ben. Which floor?”

He leaned around her mechanically to punch the right button as she clung to him, tenderly kissing under his jaw. She chuckled softly. “I can tell you know your way around a girl, but not  _ how _ if you always get this flustered. What’s bothering you?”

He was still reeling from the whiplash of the averted lecture. “Not too much, in the bar?” It was silly, honestly, how a man as tall as he was could still squeak like a teenager blossoming into pubescence.

Rey’s soft smile turned wicked, and he was really beginning to love that look on her. “It was a great warmup,” she purred as she pecked his lips. The door opened behind her, and she pulled him onto the floor. He relaxed a bit, finding his key and leading her to the right door. He slid the key in the lock, hands still a little shaky; maybe he  _ was  _ overthinking things. Still, he couldn’t risk a hitch here. 

Surprisingly enough, Rey held his wrist, her dainty hand stilling him. Seeing through his clear apprehension, she sighed, stroking his jaw with her other hand. “Ben, I just want to be super clear. I am  _ extremely _ into you, and you have been driving me crazy all night. I don’t want to pressure you, but I’m a time-bomb here, and I haven’t sex in a really long time, and the only thing that’s stopping me from pouncing on you is that locked door. I don't know how else to make you understand this.” She pressed up into him, skin flushed as she finished her speech with an emphatic whisper. “I would really,  _ really _ like you to fuck me.”

Ben had about a millisecond to process that, and that was enough for a decision, the only one he could have made after having heard that.

He turned the key and opened his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No way to sugarcoat this: the whole next chapter is them fucking. They've waited a little while. It's going to be intense. I've got the morning after as Chapter 12 if you want to go straight there. You won't miss any major plot. But since you know what this is rated...dive in, if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Also you can fight me on that Hamilton quote.


	11. Navigate Me - Cute is What We Aim For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a spiritual experience as he _finally_ gets to make good on his promise, and then some. Rey is, _ahem,_ along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex is rarely ever this good the first time. But this is no ordinary connection, you know? Also, Ben and Rey fail to have 2 major conversations: one about contraception and condoms, the other involving BSDM/boundaries, both of which you absolutely should BEFORE (or at least during) sleeping with a new partner. This has been a PSA.  
> That being said, I think Rey deserves to come her fucking brains out, as we all do.

Time distorted around them after that.

It slowed as Rey grinned up at Ben, taking his hands and walking him backwards into his apartment. Her fingers trailed down his arms as she looked him over, hazel eyes hungry. There was a heady rush as their combined arousal swirled in the air. Wasting no more time, he sealed their mouths together, hands sliding up the backs of her thighs.

She started to wiggle out of his jacket. Eager to please, he helped her shove it down her shoulders and fiddled with the knot of her little overshirt. The top came off without issue and the skin of her shoulders was velvet under his touch, warm and soft. She hummed against his lips, peeling away long enough to press the door closed behind him and wink.

Remembering himself for a moment, Ben fished keys and wallet out of his pocket, setting each on the table beside the door. Somewhere in there, Rey draped both herself and the jacket prettily over the back of the couch. He swept up to her in two strides, pulling her back into his arms and another kiss, this one feeling less hurried.

Her fingers had played at the hem of his sweater all night. Now, they openly walked trails up and along his back, peeling the garment off as they went. They parted long enough for it to come off his heated body and land somewhere on the couch. The way she admired his arms and chest reminded him why he went to the gym in the first place; he was aware enough to know he wasn’t small by any means, but her tiny whimper was enough to make him want to beat fists on his chest.

His arms caged around her as she popped back onto the edge of the couch. Her lips were even softer now as she kissed him, her tongue taking over for teasing and prodding his lips. He ground against her reflexively, each of them groaning delightedly. Her nails dragged across his back as he raked up her thighs. Those tanned legs wrapped around his hips to try and get more of that incredible friction.

Taking her cue, his hands gripped her ass, pulling them even closer. Careful not to break the kiss between them, he lifted her gently. She squeaked in surprise. He half-grinned, half-smirked as she gripped him a little tighter. He got another helping of her breathless laugh as he carried her into his bedroom, setting her on the edge of the bed. Ever considerate, she toed out of her flats, spreading her legs and leaning back on her elbows.

He had begun to kick off his socks and boots when he caught a glimpse of her. Time slowed again. Her ethereal, golden glow had returned, illuminating her peach-toned skin. One of the thin straps holding up her dress had fallen loose, resting on her shoulder beside the edge of her mussed ponytail. Her breath was coming in unevenly as she waited there, eyes dark with desire and lying in wait to pounce on her prize. Was it possible that every memory of her was tied for his favorite?

He must have admired her a moment too long, because she reached out and wolfishly grinned as she tugged him by the belt loops forward. Their lips met again as he crawled over her, careful to rest his weight on his hands and knees, a denim-clad leg resting just at her heated center. Her hands knotted in his hair when he pulled away to suck a matching red mark on her neck.

Rey's back arched as his lips traced a spot underneath her ear, pressing her cunt against his knee. He fought a grin; his girl was so responsive. Her whole body quivered as he ground against her.

His hands slipped into the space between her back and the bed. She was small under him, his hands spanning the expanse of her upper and mid-back. He thanked a few obscure gods for feeling her bend and press herself even closer to him, until she had flipped him onto his back. She reached back for the zipper on her dress, mouth tight in concentration; his hands slid under the skirt to grip her hips and plant her on his core. Rey broke into a victorious grin above him; the telltale sound of the zipper coming down filled in the otherwise silent room.

When they were on the island, Ben had only seen her from behind, and she’d been careful to conceal her chest from him all this time. Somewhere in his mind he was thankful, because if he’d seen those twin, perfect handfuls before now and not been able to hold them, he might have just snapped from the frustration.

Above him, her eyes were watching his face, doubt creeping in. She started to raise her hands, but he was quicker, catching them and openly staring at her chest. He placed her hands on either side of him on the bed as he palmed the underside of her tits, each of his thumbs slowly flicking over a dusky, hardened nipple. Rey’s head dropped back, and she let out a throaty moan.  _ Perfect,  _ he murmured to himself. He peeled the top down further, exposing more of her peachy, smooth skin.

He squeezed her tits more firmly, and her arms quivered, lowering herself to him just a bit more. Seizing his chance, he pulled her closer still and let the tip of his tongue trace across the heated, raised skin of her nipple. She cried out again as he began to suck more earnestly. He wished for more to taste and touch her with, but his mouth and two hands would have to do.

God, he could just suck her whole tit into his mouth; the thought sent more blood pumping into his throbbing cock, beginning to strain against his jeans again. He was going to have to do something about that, but he was far too focused on lightly biting on the edges of her nipple to devote any energy to that. Lucky for him, Rey was a generous partner, grinding her ass against the thick bulge. It was his turn to arch his back, grunting as she moved above him.

Her eyes met his, nearly black with unrestrained  _ want. _ She was a woman possessed as the zipper of her dress hit the bottom of its track and it was up and over her head, landing somewhere near the door. He didn’t have a chance to see a lot of her nearly naked body as she pinned his hands above his head and attacked his mouth mercilessly. Gone were her sweetly insistent kisses; this was a kiss borne from animalistic need. Ben’s blood was simmering in his veins as she tasted him again.

He was in the presence of divinity, ready and eager to worship.

She held his hands together in one of her own, easily unbuttoning his jeans with her wicked grin reappearing as he obediently lifted his hips for her. Her fingers slid them over his hips, and he kicked them off, her hand resting on his thigh when his jeans hit the floor. She curiously and gently squeezed his boxer-clad erection, and he broke her hold without thinking, a growl deep in his throat.

He dragged her hips to his mouth, taking a millisecond to admire drenched, tiny black panties. A cursory tug at the strip along her slit earned him a whine from her that he tucked away in his mind. The moisture of her essence lingered, and he had to mentally step back to keep from diving in and drinking from her.

Instead, he trailed and nipped at the peach-colored soft flesh of her thighs, his tongue cleaning up where she’d been slick earlier. He stifled a snort; tangy and sweeter closer to her nexus, she tasted like literal sunshine. Oblivious to his thoughts, Rey whined above him, wiggling and releasing waves of heat. Those whines turned into breathless cries when he cupped her cunt in a massive hand, squeezing once to quell her. Lazily, he kissed and sucked at the tender skin for a bit longer, thoroughly enjoying her gasps as he passed over where she needed him most.

He paused for a second to check her face and saw her about to bite through her lip. Feeling merciful, he took two fingers and slid her panties to the side, spreading her lower lips open wide. She sighed, delighted and distant; he was busy thinking of all the ways her little pink hole would take him: fingers, cock, maybe toys, eventually. But for now, he’d deprived them both of his tongue on her for too long, and he sealed his lips to her throbbing center.

The effect was immediate as her body trembled above him, finally getting some direct contact. Rey gripped his thighs as his tongue gingerly prodded her in exploration. He made careful notes to the sounds she made as he licked and sucked, paying special attention to the swollen nub he’d neglected earlier. Knowing how she’d craved it before, he made sure to swirl over it for longer than other spots. She chanted his name, gasping loudly when he pointed his tongue and stuffed her little hole with it, a pale imitation of what he’d hopefully do later.

It was astounding how easily her body had taken him; she really had been dying for this. Still, she was unbearably tight, and the thought of his cock sheathed snugly here had him swelling up thicker. It was getting harder to focus, but he was just too devoted to worshipping his goddess for the moment to care about his neglected bulge.

Like she read his mind, Rey steadied herself for long enough to tug his cock out of his boxers, stroking lazily. His hips twitched excitedly, his poor cock throbbing and weeping at her touch. He grunted in her pussy as she tightened her grip, moving with purpose. There had been too much buildup to this for the sensation of her hands on him right now; that, plus her taste, her sounds, her face…he wasn’t going to last if she kept it up.

He doubled down on his efforts, scissoring in one, then a second finger inside her, tongue moving against her clit in steady, evenly pressured circles. She released him immediately as his knees rose, giving her something to lean against as her hips undulated above him, moans wracking her body. Her walls fluttered when he increased the pressure, and he felt her hair tumbling on his shins as her head dropped back, the sounds from her throat becoming more guttural. She was opening up beautifully for him, and if he thought he could manage words he’d tell her. But that would also mean detaching his mouth from the ambrosia of her cunt, and that was out of the question.

Ben felt her core tightening as she approached the edge, her calls of his name becoming less and less coherent as she fell apart above him at last. Pride surged through him as his head dropped against the mattress as she tried her best to catch her breath. He took stock of himself as she rested; his chin was wet with her and his cock was achingly rigid, but God, focusing on Rey was  _ so _ worth it. His thumbs massaged soothing circles into her thighs as she breathed through one, two, three waves of her orgasm. He was tempted to dive back into her shiny, reddened flesh; her body was soft and sweet and so  _ open _ like this and it would have been nothing to take another taste.

Alas, she was quicker, and her mouth crushed his, eagerly licking the taste of herself out of his mouth. Their sighs mingled as the kiss got lazy, each of his hands either heavy on her back or tied up in her hair. He would have been more than content with this, but Rey had other plans, disentangling herself and slithering down his body. He half-heartedly reached for her, not quite ready to give up on kissing her.

That thought was obliterated when she sucked the head of his cock between pillowy lips. Distantly, he knew turnabout's fair play, but she was really enjoying drawing out his pleasure more than he felt was fair. Her tongue traced along the sides, her hand pumping what wouldn’t fit in her mouth. He leaned up and regretted it immediately. Rey looked like sin, cheeks hollowed out as she greedily took more and more of him in her mouth. Her eyes were impossibly dark and mischievous as she bobbed.

For his part, a great deal of restraint was keeping Ben from knotting his hands in her hair and fucking her face outright, but only just. He was not a vain man, but he also wasn’t unrealistic about his size; more than once had he been referred to as “big-dick Ben,” and he knew that he was on the girthier side. Rey was working it like a champ, though, happily engulfing what she could. She continued drawing sounds out of him he forgot he could make, and he was beginning to lose himself in the sensation.

Truly though, she added a new element when she grabbed for one of his hands and placed it on her head, wiggling her eyebrows as she gripped him a little firmer. His fingers wound through her hair, tugging lightly. She kissed the angry red head, happy with his response. Christ, he hadn’t been this hard in a while. His head hit the pillow. That was when there was a wet sucking noise and his cock was enveloped in a tighter heat.

The sound that ripped from his throat was inhuman. His head whipped back up to see his beautiful,  _ perfect  _ girl slowly deep throating him, hands firmly on his hips and grinning as much as she could around him. Suddenly the blood that had been flowing through his cock was going at double time, and he could not handle it. He was the one gasping now, and she had the audacity to  _ laugh, _ the vibrations thrumming through his groin.

He didn’t mean to, but the fingers in her hair tightened and she moaned, which only added to the sensation. He scrunched up his face to help stave off the building pressure in his core, but it had already been too much tonight. They’d teased each other so much, and he was helpless, hips jerking no matter how hard he tried to hold still. She was of no help, sliding off him long enough to kiss the skin around his groin and trace the skin of his sack with her tongue.

His eyes were on the ceiling; everything was becoming more and more hazed as her ministrations went on. A fist was gripping the sheet, the other even tighter in her hair; his hips were rising from the bed in earnest now. One of her hands stayed to tug at his sack, while the other continued to pump what her mouth wouldn’t reach as she licked and sucked him gleefully. He felt the muscles tensing with what was going to be an  _ incredible _ release, and he was panting hard to try and mentally prepare himself.

It didn’t matter, of course. There was a pause of about 10 seconds when all her movements stopped, but there was a wet sound further away. Apparently refusing to learn from his mistakes, he looked down to see Rey whimper as she reached between her legs, spread her own essence over the head of his cock, and swirled her tongue to lick it off dramatically. His mind went blank then and he felt his body trembling.

Time slowed once more as the first wave of orgasm began to break. All within the same few seconds, her lips spread to engulf the head as his balls drew in tight. The sound in the room was suspended in that tense moment as he and Rey locked gazes. An edge of hazel had reappeared in her eyes and wordlessly encouraged him to  _ let go. _ His head dropped back, groaning her name as he shattered for her.

Waves of pleasure crashed over him as he drained his balls down her throat. His cock twitched as she swallowed it all before releasing him with a wet  _ pop. _ She rolled onto her back beside him. While he tried to get his breathing even, he frowned; having her so far away sounded like a terrible idea. He shimmied to the edge of the bed and stood on shaky legs, peeling himself out of his boxer briefs and tossing them near the far end of the bed. The covers on the bed looked heavenly right now, but only if he wasn’t alone under them.

His hand was extended to Rey, who took it lazily and stood, similarly wiggling out of her underwear. She crawled to the further side and slipped between the sheets to lie on her side, sighing as he followed suit. His arm extended above her head and she lifted it, letting him pull her to his chest. Her head fit neatly between his pecs, and he tucked his chin against her crown. They stayed there for a while, letting their slow breathing and the gentle  _ whirring _ of the fan in the room be the only sounds in the room.

Ben’s heart swelled as Rey curled herself in on him, arms shifting to hold as much of him as her arms could reach. He pressed a kiss to her sweet-smelling hair; he felt her smile against his chest. His arms held her even tighter. 

In the quiet, minutes ticked by as he collected a few errant thoughts. Her body was a bit of an odd fit against his; her long legs were twisted up with his, but her torso was so short in comparison. Her hips were resting near the middle of his thighs, so sex wouldn’t be impossible in the future, but it would take some minor engineering. They were going to have to clean up the scattered mess they’d made on the way in, too. Was he just remembering wrong, or was sex always so sticky?

Below his racing mind, Rey tilted her head back. “Hi Ben,” she murmured.

The look on her face was openly tender that his heart skipped a beat. None of those thoughts from before mattered; how had he missed how smitten he was with her? “Hi Rey,” he murmured back, his thumb stroking the curve of her side.

She hummed as she shifted away enough to meet his eyes. A finger traced circles in his bicep as she grinned lazily. “I’ve never been so happy to be right in my whole life,” she whispered. “I just  _ knew _ you’d have no trouble finding my clit.”

Ben choked on a laugh above her before leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss. He was going to have to be careful, or he’d be declaring his love for her in a way for it to be nothing less than terrifyingly too soon.

When they parted, she mouthed at his neck, kissing along his neck. He felt blood stirring again already in his cock as her thighs rubbed together near him. “I get the feeling if I went looking for it now, I’d find it again,” his voice rumbling.

She purred, a leg hitching above his hip. “I bet you could,” she answered, heat radiating again between her legs.

He tutted as he rolled them over to get her on her back. “So greedy,” he whispered. She shrugged, a challenge rising in her eyes. He quirked a single brow, falling back into character. “We’ll have to do something about that.” He pinned her arms above her head, stealing another kiss from her lips. She moaned against him happily.

One advantage of their size difference was how easily he could hold her in place single-handedly as he released her mouth to attach himself to her hardening nipple. All of her bravado melted away as he nipped more harshly than before, taking the time to kiss it better before sucking mercilessly. He knew that watching her becoming less coherent was something he was quickly addicting himself to, but how could he resist? Some ancestral part of him was pleased, watching her thrash above him and drip below him. He switched to her other side, making sure no nipple was left unabused in his wake.

Blood was steadily pumping south again, and this time, he’d take his chance to bury himself in her, but he had to be certain to stretch her a little more first. He only wanted her to hurt a little, just enough to satiate her and make her remember the feeling of him in her.

His free hand reached below, easily sliding in the two fingers from before. Rey sighed above him, her hips undulating as he pumped them in and out, taking his time. Bliss drifted over her face as he picked up rhythm, her chest heaving. He watched her head loll as her hole accommodated a third finger. She hissed, head burying into the pillow. Her body was taking him so well, and he told her as much in breathy words in between kisses on and near her areola.

He twisted his fingers ever so slightly, and she keened, breathlessly panting. Somewhere he registered her needy calls for more, but he had a mission to complete first. He moved closer to her face, lips pursed as his fingers curled upward, searching for the spongy area just below her pubic bone. She was an ideal indicator, her breath hitching and cheeks reddening as he pressed into it. Her eyes were pleading as she ground against him, and the darkness in him was really enjoying her helpless act. Both his cock and his arm were beginning to ache, so it was time to up the ante.

Step one was to increase the pace. That was easy enough, his fingers pistoning into her at almost a punishing pace. Her cries were becoming less coherent again, and though her body was trembling, it was still pleasure on her face and not pain, so he didn’t let up.

Step two was to build anticipation. His lips formed a smirk, this time not holding his words back. “You’re doing such a great job for me, sweetheart. Taking my fingers in your tight little body, you’re almost ready for more. Do you need more?” She nodded frantically, head stilling when his thumb ground against her clit again.

She swore loudly beneath him, and he could feel her walls beginning to flutter again. “That’s it, sweetheart,” he crooned, peppering kisses along her jaw. He got closer to her, lips a breath from hers. “You’re just about ready to take me, and I’m ready to be buried in you. But you’re already  _ so _ close to breaking apart for me now, and baby, you look so worn out.” The tiniest crease appeared between her brows. “But I think you’ve got another one in you. So when you do finally come with me inside you, I think you’ll  _ shatter, _ and you’ll be ruined for any man who isn’t me.” 

More kisses landed on her eyelids, then her cheeks. “Your poor little cunt will crave how sore I’m gonna make it,” he promised, voice full of gravel. He pulled his hand from her, and she sucked in a lungful of air. Carefully swapping with one hand pinning her wrist for the other, he held her chin, forcing their eyes to meet. The darkness in him crept into the smile on his face as he brushed a teasing kiss on her lips. “Pretty girls like you are meant to break, and I’ll be the one to break you.”

Below him, Rey was breathing easily, the fiery sparkle glittering in hazel irises. “Then do it,” she countered simply, stealing a kiss from his lips.

Well, if the ball was in his court, so be it. They were going to have to discuss this later, because her defiance and his apparent thrill from breaking it was more than he could handle right now, even if he hid it from her. He scoffed once, fingers finding her clit and rubbing a few quick circles as she gasped from the sudden sensation, quickly falling to her second orgasm of the night. He swallowed her cries, her pleasure tasting as exquisitely sweet as she did. Her whole body was more pliant this time as she caught her breath.

Sensing the need for a breather, Ben leaned his forehead to hers. “You’re wonderful, Rey,” he whispered, hands running up and down her forearms. She giggled between ragged breaths. Her body was so warm beneath his, and the lightest sheen of sweat was overtaking her.

She really  _ was _ starting to look worn out. Her eyes didn’t open as he snatched a condom from the drawer in his nightstand. He quickly revised his plan; he’d planned to test her flexibility by sliding her ankles over his shoulders and pounding her into next week before changing positions, but she looked like she really could collapse after this next round. The possibilities of different positions this could take raced through his mind as he rolled onto his back, the quiet crinkle of the foil wrapper opening mingling with Rey’s breaths in the room.

The darker, currently dominant part of him reasoned that if he wanted to watch her truly shatter with him inside her, he would need to have her closer than piledriving would allow; it would be better if she were on top. 

The softer side added that the proposed solution would let her set how much of him she would take, just enough to feel in the morning, not enough to injure her. Plus, it meant he could hold her in his arms as she came, and there was something very appealing about that. 

It would be a more intimate position than what he normally defaulted to, though. He watched her face, eyes still hazy, but the warmth ever present.  _ Fuck it. _ She had already taken hold of him, he could handle being intimate with her.

Rolling the condom down, wrapper forgotten, he scooted back, his back on a pillow as he crossed his legs. His erection had flagged a bit, but it still stood tall and unbidden between his thighs. He had to stretch a little as he leaned over; large hands wrapped around her wrists loosely, and he tugged once in a nonverbal question. His expression was much softer as he waited for her answer.

She softened too, once she realized what he wanted. Sitting on his lap, his cock nestled in front of her, she leaned down and kissed him sweetly for a moment, the tenderness a quick respite. She pulled away, his face in her hands as their foreheads met again. Ben’s hands ran over her smooth back, resting where her waist met her hips. Affection diffused into the space between them.

If not for the promise he’d made them both, he could be content to just hold this lovely woman in his arms all night, but alas, he had to wrench the most intense orgasm of her life from her body. There would be time to hold her after.

He lightly pulled at the ends of her ruined ponytail. “I’m going to make you feel incredible, Rey.” A kiss was pressed to her shoulder. “I’ll take care of you after. All you have to do is trust me enough to catch you when you fall apart.” He would never get tired of the way her breath hitched; all of her sounds were ones to preserve. There was a stray curl near her cheek; he pecked a kiss to her smile once it was tucked behind her ear. “Tell me if it’s too much, but I know you can do this. Can you try it for me?”

Her thumbs stroked his cheekbones. “I can take whatever you can dish out, Ben.”

His smile grew. Only one or two of the women he’d been with had been okay when he pitched this, but he was feeling confident that she’d enjoy it. “That’s my girl.” He felt her whole body quiver at that phrase, already filed for later use and abuse. He tapped her arms first. “Hands behind your back on my knees. That’s it,” he encouraged as she immediately followed through. “And legs around my waist. Gotta keep you steady.” 

Once she was in position, he splayed one supportive hand on her back. They were so close like this; he could distinguish every freckle on her nose and cheeks with marvelous ease. He inhaled deeply, letting the darker edge take over as he searched for and discarded the elastic pitifully holding her mess of a ponytail together. 

Chestnut hair weaved around his fingers as he knitted them close to her scalp to pull her head back. He sucked yet another red mark just above her collarbone. There was no resistance to the moan she let out, and her swollen, soft center was blasting wet heat in his lap. His cock eagerly twitched, and Ben knew it was time at long last.

He pressed a kiss to each nipple before releasing her hair to swipe a bit of her essence to spread over his cock. Taking himself in hand, he rubbed the tip over her slick folds. They shuddered in unison before he finally,  _ finally, _ pressed the head into her.

His fingers and tongue had each been in Rey before. He knew how she felt around his tongue, and so they worked together to open her up all night. She’d come twice already. Hell, he’d even come once already. And yet, none of it mattered as their bodies began to meet.

Controlling character be damned as Ben did his fucking best not to immediately bottom out in her. She was still so unbelievably tight; he was sweating bullets now as he slowly inched into her. Rey wasn’t faring much better, her breathless gasps and wiggling drawing him in deeper. He could feel her open and stretch to sheath him, and well aware of his girth, he also knew that was no easy task. Still, their bodies continued to get even closer, until she was fully seated on him.

He forced his eyes open, and his cock throbbed in response. Rey looked absolutely  _ wrecked, _ eyes dark and wild, chest heaving as her nails gripped him. He must have looked equally as destroyed, because her mouth twitched like she wanted to smile.

Something inside him snapped at that, her little tease enough to bring the dormant darkness in him alive. His face hardened as he gripped her hips to slide out to the tip, shoving her back down with a growl. The creature within purred at the sound of breath being punched from her lungs, all traces of that teasing look gone.

Craving more of that reaction, he set the pace slow at first as he pulled them apart and back together again. It was astounding, the way her wet cunt just took the punishing force of his thrusts. Her moans grew wanton. The pace picked up and he held her wrists as she shook from the power of him.

Whatever was in him had been unleashed, and it was craving the way Rey’s keening cries were getting louder and less intelligible. She kept trying to call his name, but she was just babbling, and he was thrilled. This witty, fiery, beautiful woman was reduced to little more than her base desires, just fucking him back and taking everything he had to give, and it was his doing. She was bouncing on him like her life depended on it, and it was for him.

He paused between punishing thrusts to grind against her; her poor little clit had taken so much abuse tonight, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed her to break on him; she  _ had _ to.

There seemed to be little objection from Rey, who was beginning to tremble even harder. She was so warm and red, like her body was overheating from pleasure alone. He continued fucking her without abandon, waiting for the familiar tightening of her core.

He released her wrists and shifted their angle slightly. Her knees fell limply to the bed as he adjusted, her moans melded into a single wail as he found that spongy tissue inside her. Rey’s arms wrapped underneath his, her nails biting in his shoulders while his own arms wrapped around her back. There was hardly a sliver of space between them as he fucked into her, cock impossibly harder thinking of how it would feel to be bare in her cunt, able to coat her walls with his spend.

Rey must have felt it as she buried her head in the crook of his neck, mouthing at his neck and sucking in a mark of her own. Her body was tense with the orgasm he was building in her, and he could almost feel it, the way she would snap when she finally came.

Not to be outdone, her teeth sank into the meat of his shoulder and he grunted, smacking her ass in retribution. She moaned wordlessly. He swore internally, knowing he wasn’t too far off from coming himself, and then this would be done. The frenzy would be done.

They were there, at the edge together. He pulled her back roughly, hand on her chin again. “You’re still holding on,” he growled. “Let go, Rey. Look at me, and let go.”

Rey’s eyes were locked on his, suddenly unseeing as the dam broke. He could nearly see the white flashing before her eyes as she huffed out a tiny  _ “oh,” _ as she convulsed, her body wracked with pleasure as she went boneless.

The moment was not just hers, though. Between watching her achieve such intense pleasure and the way her cunt bore down and squeezed him like dear life hung in the balance, Ben was right there with her as his own climax crashed over him. He moaned her name, her pliant body still tightly holding his cock in as he twitched several ropes of seed into the reservoir tip. His arms were on autopilot, clutching her close as he mindlessly chanted her name over and over, both out loud and with his inner monologue.

_ Rey Rey Rey Rey Rey Rey Rey _

His mind finally less sex-addled, he bit his tongue before he babbled to Rey that  _ her pussy was his new home _ and that  _ she should stay forever _ and  _ no, it wasn’t too early to propose– _

Suddenly his brain was back in his body, and he recalled where he was. Rey was breathing but otherwise unmoving on him, her heavy breaths even and slow. He grunted as his soft cock slid out of her, and already he missed the feeling of filling her.

Her hands were hanging by his side, but shimmying to the edge of the bed still proved a challenge. She was a lot heavier when she was dead weight like this. Still, he managed, gently laying her on the mattress. He stood on wobbly legs, but Rey hadn’t quite stirred yet. He waddled into the bathroom, discarding the condom and taking a second to relieve himself.

His head was much clearer now, and he examined the red mark she’d sucked into his neck, along with the deep imprint of her teeth in his shoulder. It almost looked like they belonged there, and he smiled at himself, the muscles in his face sore from doing it all day.

There was little time to admire it, though. Wringing a damp washcloth with warm water, he went back out and spread her legs. With his lightest touch, he wiped her reddened thighs and delicately cleaned the swollen flesh of her center. As he pulled away, he let his fingers brush the inside of her knee. 

The washcloth rested on the edge of his bathroom sink. Ben slipped to the living room and kitchen, quickly gathering their discarded clothes and getting a glass of water for each of them. He set the glasses down on the bedside table, switching on the lamp to hastily fold Rey’s clothes. The panties, though, he kicked under his jeans.

“Ben?” His head snapped to her voice immediately. She was propped up on her elbows, her smile soft and tired. The lamplight illuminated her kiss-swollen mouth; her neck was splotched with the marks he’d left; her makeup, which he was just noticing, was smudged around her eyes. Rey looked thoroughly debauched, and he’d been the one to do ruin her. She had never been more alluring to him.

He finished folding her little top and wandered back to the bed, climbing in with her. “I brought you some water. Are you okay?” He handed her the glass from over his shoulder.

She took it gratefully, gulping down half of hers. He sipped his. “Yeah,” she eventually answered, wiping some of the water from her mouth. She chuckled to herself. “Yeah, Ben. I’m great.” Her eyes met his again.  _ “You _ were great.”

He clutched his glass and turned to place it back, not quite ready to respond to that. “I’m not really sure where it came from, to be honest.”

She sighed, leaning her head against his arm. “Wherever it was, feel free to bring it back.” The silence grew between them, and eventually he leaned his head onto hers. “I don’t think I’ve come that hard in a while.”

“I’m glad to have helped,” he murmured, preening internally.

She hummed, chewing on that thought. “We should probably have talked about condoms and boundaries before I came my brains out,” she noted, nonchalant.

Ben shifted beside her. “Of course. Safe words and statuses. Sorry, I just got caught up and needed you.”

She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Not like I was stopping you, love. I’m just glad you had the presence of mind for a condom. I’m clean and on the pill, but it’s still probably best that you were careful.” Her body faced him once she wiggled back under the covers, where he followed her lead. She was quiet, but from the way she was toying with her kiss-bitten lip, he got the feeling she had something else on her mind. “Maybe we could talk about things to try over breakfast?”

Her honey hazel eyes were bright and focused on him as it dawned on him what she was asking. “Oh. Oh! Yes,” he coughed. There was no way she was buying him trying to play it cool, but her shoulders un-tensed, which was nice. “I’d love you to stay over.”

Both their faces were bright with red cheeks as his slip of words became apparent. “Ah! I’d love  _ for _ you to stay over!” He corrected a little quickly, wincing internally. Jesus, they’d already had sex once; his nerves should not have been this shot. Her smile was tinged with secondhand embarrassment, but she thankfully let him off the hook. “Really, I’m glad you want to, especially since I keep being a doofus around you,” he muttered.

She cupped his face in her hands, leaning forward to catch his lips as he finished talking. His mouth was starting to ache from its thorough exercise tonight, but he pushed it down as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. This was slow and unhurried, and it was starting to feel familiar and comfortable. She pulled away, a grin threatening to break on her face. She started to say something, but giggled instead as her forehead rested against his.

Were she anyone else, his shoulders would have tightened with anxiety at why she was laughing at him; this felt different. Her musical giggles were a salve, and he found himself not missing whatever her explanation was. He snorted instead, pulling her into his arms as her laughs faded into more comfortable silence. He leaned back long enough to turn off the light, a glimmer of moonlight reflecting in their shared gaze as the night danced on outside their bubble.


	12. Love on the Brain - Rihanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have more time together after an incredible third date, and things accelerate further. But first, Ben has something to reckon with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben has some dreams, both good and bad.

_ Pink clouds swirled over Ben’s head against a pastel sky. A gentle breeze rustled his hair as he found himself resting on a blanket on a grassy hill. That same breeze blew through the grass, tickling his face. Music drifted through the air, and its source was none other than his faceless dancer, her laugh serving as the melody she moved with. _

_ The golden woman danced effortlessly across Ben’s dreamy mind, and he watched as Rey suddenly twirled into existence, joining in from the edge of his vision. Their movements were graceful as the faceless woman mirrored Rey, the pair of them moving in perfect synchronicity as the song playing in his mind built toward a climax. Rey and her counterpart brushed fingertips as they spun in opposite directions. Finally, twin ethereal skirts flared as they cartwheeled into the same spot, the song’s climax ascending to its ultimate crescendo as their forms combined with a bright flash, leaving only Rey, surrounded by blinding golden light. _

_ Her figure glowed brilliantly as she smiled for him, and Ben felt his heart racing as she reached out a hand to him. But as he smiled and reached back, the sky suddenly became very dark, a hideous laugh overshadowing and twisting the song's melody. Hair whipped around their faces as the wind howled in between the chilling, derisive cackles around them. _

_ He stood and looked around; everything around them was being consumed by inky blackness, flooding the area like a tidal wave. The grass disappeared and the light faded, and soon the whole area had turned black, the laugh and the crashing waves the only sounds encompassing the two of them. _

_ Rey’s golden aura began to dim as she trembled, looking at Ben. It unsettled him further, seeing fear in her eyes. She reached out more insistently as the ground cracked and began to fall away around them. She mouthed his name, pleading with him to take her hand. _

_ Everything in him wanted to take it; it was the obvious choice. But as the blackness swallowed more and more of their previously happy landscape, he found that he couldn’t reach his hand to take hers. He struggled, his muscles tiring quickly and his attempts were to no avail. Panicked, he looked down to see his arms frozen to his sides and his feet planted firmly in the ground.  _

_ Her aura dimmed further as tears streamed down her face, and she took a step toward him. Ice chilled his veins when he realized she was now screaming, the wind and waves and that awful laugh now drowned out any sound from her mouth. _

_ The darkness edged closer as the malevolent laugh grew louder. _

_ Finally, she withdrew her hand, just a little. Her golden glow suddenly doubled as her face grew determined and she dug his feet free. Her hair was freely swirling around her head, untouched by the wind. She closed her eyes and lifted her palms, and suddenly his arms were free. She reached out to him again, now confident. _

_ And yet, he still could not lift his heavy arms to reach her. _

_ Sorrow draped itself on her beautiful face as her hand dropped to her side, and she turned away, her feet lifting off the ground as she was carried away from him, fast and free on a breeze he could barely see. _

_ For a moment, all sound was strangled as Rey slipped away, leaving only the loud thudding of Ben’s heart in his ears. _

No, _ he started to scream. The word lay frozen in his throat as she flew farther from him.  _ Don’t leave! _ Tears were streaming down his face now as she disappeared from his sight, and he sank to his knees. The laugh returned to accompany Ben’s thundering pulse and it was growing ever louder; their combined cacophony was now all he could hear. He took his head into his hands as ice cold darkness washed over his legs. Would she even hear him now, if he called for her? _

_ The laugh echoed through his mind as black ice consumed his torso, then crept up his neck. In his last moments as the darkness froze his skin and clouded his eyes, he felt overwhelming despair as he realized he’d still ended up alone after all. Finally, he found his voice, for just long enough to scream before he was devoured completely. _

Ben woke with a start, sucking in a deep breath.

He was sweating, the air conditioner whistling in the otherwise quiet space. His eyes adjusted to the still-dark room around him, the beginning of morning light peeking under the window doing a lot to help.

He had been dreaming. He was  _ fine. _ His muscles were tight and his heart was pounding against his ribcage, but he was okay. He was still alive, and judging by the heat near him, he wasn’t alone. There was, however, something in his mouth. Snorting and taking a deep breath, he rolled onto his back and quickly determined that, yes, that was indeed hair in his mouth.

Rey was still asleep beside him, some of the hair from her loose bun having migrated to his mouth. She was radiating heat in every place their bodies touched, and as he took stock of his surroundings, he also realized the wet spot in his elbow was directly beneath her open lips.

He inhaled deeply to suppress the discomfort surging through him. His arm was dead underneath the weight of her, and her legs were holding one of his as a hostage. Still, as he leaned back his head to look at her, something warm bloomed in his chest. Her breathing was coming easily, and her nose twitched when he tried to free his arm.

Resignation rang heavily through his sigh, but he also couldn’t help the faint smile on his face. His free hand drifted along the curve of her bare waist, resting at her hip. He dropped a kiss on her nape. She slept on peacefully, and watching her was cooling his still racing, feverish mind. There was a part of him that wanted to stay up and examine whatever the fuck that was that had so rudely terrified and awoken him, but he was still just so sleepy from earlier that night.

Besides, Rey was still here. Granted, she had passed out and was still drooling on his arm, but she had stayed here. Because she  _ liked _ him, because she’d wanted him.

That could be enough for now.

Just this once, he cleared his mind, eyes drifting back closed as the morning marched on.

* * *

The next time he opened his eyes, it was to the sound of running water. The sun was coming in merrily at full force. Ben sat up slowly, running a hand through sleep-tangled hair. The bed was empty aside from him, so he took this moment alone to think.

His dreams post-nightmare had been mercifully dull and forgettable by comparison. He hadn’t had a nightmare like that one in a long time; when he had been seeing his therapist, the doctor had advised him that recurring nightmares were a common part of anxiety, and that documenting them could help. Once he’d written down the details of them, their frequency tapered off enough to be less noteworthy.

This nightmare had him unnerved. The overwhelming helplessness of being swallowed up like that wasn’t uncommon, and even someone being there, unable to help him escape, was nothing new. But there was an extra twist of pain, seeing Rey turn her back on him. That hurt him more than he was expecting it to. At some point over the day, he’d have to make a note about it in his journal; analysis could happen later.

Movement caught his attention, breaking his concentration. Heat began to rush on its familiar path to his groin as he took in the image of Rey, leaning over his sink. One of his black button-ups adorned her figure, the hem barely brushing her thighs as she reached to turn the knob off. The sleeves were too long, and her fingertips peeked out from the edge of the sleeve.

She really had no right looking as good as she did in his shirt. His eyes lingered on the curve of her ass, where bruises lingered in the shape of his fingers.  _ That _ had been a different experience; they had both been sore and sleepy by then, but one kiss led to another, and then his hands were on her again. All his logic flew out the window when she moved with him the way she did.

Rey cleared her throat, snapping him from his reverie, and snickered as he flushed.

Now leaning against the bathroom’s door jamb, Rey smiled knowingly at him. Her hair was in a pile on her head, loosely held in a topknot. It shifted as her head quirked, her eyes traveling his body unabashedly. “Good morning to  _ you  _ too, Mr. Solo,” she drawled. “I see you’re up and happy to see me this morning.” Her voice was casual enough, but when her look was pointedly at his hips, his eyes followed the trail to see that he was tenting the sheets.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he laid back against the pillow. “Care to come closer and find out?” He tucked his arms behind his head. He screamed internally that  _ this would never work  _ and _ how could he think his fleeting confidence could do him any favors– _

Rey’s mouth quirked into something filthy, unbuttoning the shirt as she sauntered to the bed. The shirt dropped from her shoulders and Ben thanked various pantheons as she pulled back the covers to straddle his waist. As his hands wrapped around her hips, the traces of the nightmare fell away as the boundaries of their bodies blurred.

* * *

The day progressed slowly. Between the morning sex before Ben got out of bed and being handsy in the shower together, it was rapidly approaching noon before they could stay apart long enough to get him minimally dressed.

Rey had the “foresight” to bring her travel toothbrush and toiletry kit, evasively saying she had been optimistic about date night. _ Far be it from me to criticize, _ he thought as breakfast sizzled while Rey finished getting ready. 

Between kisses, he let it slip that he wanted more time with her, and she smiled sweetly in acceptance. As he’d slipped on a shirt and sweatpants, Ben offered her a similar outfit instead of just his shirt. She giggled when he mentioned that it was an attempt to try and keep his hands off of her, no promises attached.

He excused himself to the kitchen once her stomach growled.

It was still mind-boggling to him that things were going so well. Just having her here was making Saturday a great day, and his mind was racing on where he wanted to take her as he flipped the last slice of French toast, bacon finishing in the oven. He sipped at his mug of coffee, fresh from the pot.

The sound of feet padding in the kitchen pricked his ears, and Rey’s thin, strong arms were wrapped around his midsection. He chuckled as she squawked indignantly when he took a step from the hot stove and pinned her to the counter, leaning down and stealing a kiss. 

“There’s a plate and a mug of coffee on the table for you,” he murmured as she puckered her lips for another kiss. Happy to oblige, he pecked her lips again and squeezed the cheek of her butt. This chuckle he swallowed when she squeaked, leaning away long enough to let her have the promised caffeine.

Rey was comfortably tucked in a chair and greedily drinking from her mug as he balanced the stack of French toast and half a sheet pan of bacon. He was rather proud of his set-up; warm maple syrup and softened butter awaited the rest of breakfast, and there were little orange slice garnishes that were looking much prettier now that he wasn’t glaring at them and trying to get them to lay presentably.

Once everything was in place, he gestured for her to go ahead. Rey’s eyes were large with delight, and the warmth in his chest burst as she eagerly took three slices of bacon and bread, slathering the toast with butter as he turned to grab his mug. As he settled in his chair, she was drowning her plate in syrup.

She was already eating when she quirked an eyebrow at him and his empty plate. His cheeks were dusted with a light blush as he took a slice for himself, taking three pieces of the bacon. Her plate of food was disappearing fast, and she was inquisitive about his process, picking out the spices in the batter. He grinned behind a sip of coffee.

“I got a good tip from that cookbook you told me about. Vanilla, cinnamon, and pinches of allspice and nutmeg,” he offered casually. The effect of his words were immediate; Rey stopped chewing for long enough for a watery smile, and she reached for his free hand as she swallowed.

She squeezed it once meaningfully, her hazel eyes glassy. The tenderness of the moment was not lost on him, and he squeezed back wordlessly, withdrawing and letting her eat.

Conversation picked up again after that, and as she laughed at his jokes and made a point of poorly stealing the last slice of bacon, Ben quietly wished for a chance to get used to this.

* * *

Rey was ready to roll into Ben’s routine, quickly gathering and washing dishes as he put away the remnants of breakfast. They fell into an easy rhythm as he dried and put away her rinsed dishes. She regaled him with stories of her time and mishaps of taking care of herself in college.

He held her in his arms as they watched a few musicals on Netflix, Rey letting him steal kisses as she pointed out names in the choreography. They ended up skipping a late lunch, though Ben convinced her to spread her legs for an afternoon snack in between shows.

Blissed out on his couch, she asked him about his favorite book and once he finally chose, she prodded him to read it to her. She curled in his arms and was dozing as he read through an Arthurian legend, the afternoon bleeding into the evening. Once he finished the story, he ran his fingers through her hair as she napped. Being with a girl had never been this easy. His imagination wandered as he thought of what life could be like with her.

He was going to take her to the botanical gardens with him, her smile as lovely as the flowers and butterflies in the spring. When the farmer’s market would pick up next summer, the two of them could explore recipes in Rey’s cookbooks. They could spend countless autumn afternoons lost in the shelves of the bookstore nearby, being the adorable regulars proprietors would delight in seeing.

He would finally have someone to explore all the little restaurants with. Once temperatures dropped, he’d bring her to his parents, where they’d love and dote on her, no doubt–and he would keep her safe and warm.

His mind wandered further; they’d spend more and more time together, falling in love until he’d put a ring on her finger. He’d build her own Melody Manor on land not too far from here, and that place could be their home. It would be a place full of Rey’s warmth, where they could build a life and he could make love to her every night.

They’d see his lovable mess of a family, and maybe a little hazel-eyed boy of his own would be running around in the background; Leia would be unstoppable with a grandchild. Rey could host dinners for the community, and Ben would watch her spread cheer everywhere she went for the rest of their lives until they were both old and gray. She would never be alone again; neither of them would be.

He held Rey closer in his arms, determined to keep his eyes from watering. That was a future he hadn’t ever dared to want before, one where his nightmares would be far away and he’d be safe with her. It all seemed plausible in the cozy warmth of his apartment, and not too different from what they were doing now. Free from expectations, free from obligations; nothing but the two (maybe three or four, depending on how things went) of them, together and happy.

* * *

He had apparently dozed off thinking about that future, because he was awoken by Rey’s grumbling stomach not too much later. She looked ashamed, admitting that she’d been awake for a bit, but he’d looked so comfortable that she opted not to move. She did remember that he liked Italian subs and ordered takeout while he napped, though.

Ben was tempted to get dressed and move her life into his apartment that very moment, but settled for kissing her gratefully for now.

Rey stretched her arms as she stood to let Ben get the door. He bumped the table as he stood, his journal falling to the ground. He turned back to pick it up, but Rey had already plucked it up, laying it back in a safe spot in the middle of the table.

He shot her a grateful smile as he was handed a pair of sandwiches and pita chips, his favorite.

They took turns grinning and giggling over the sandwiches as each caught the other staring. Rey had gotten past the middle of her sandwich when her phone chirped. She scanned it quickly, a hint of a frown flashing on her face. It was gone as fast as it appeared, and she began chewing thoughtfully and concentrating on her hands.

He ducked down, trying to catch her eye. “Everything okay?”

She nodded, chewing some more. Her eyes didn’t meet his, though.

His brow furrowed. He was never good at deciding how hard he needed to push when it came to getting people to open up. He set his food down and steeled his nerves. He’d gotten lucky with her so far, so he decided to just go for it. “I’m having a great time with you,” he offered. Hazel eyes peeked from underneath long lashes. Okay, off to a good start. “I’m really glad we did this.”

Her mouth slowed on her last bite before she swallowed loudly. “I’m really glad I’m here with you.”

He let his head rest on his palm. “It’s been one of the better weekends I’ve had in a long time.” He paused, letting his words sink in her mind. “There’s only been one other I can think of that comes close.”

A half-smile cracked on her face, despite herself. “Really, everything’s great. It’s been wonderful, being with you.” She laced their fingers together. “I just hate that I have to cut it short.”

His thumb twitched as he swallowed bitter disappointment. Instead, he schooled his face into an expression of concern.

Her thumb rubbed a soothing circle into the back of his hand. “I had agreed about a month ago to help Finn finish up clearing out some of his foster home stuff in their house to make room for a little sitting room for the three of them.” She smiled wistfully. “It’s actually very cute, the way he planned this surprise for them. When I realized it was this weekend, you and I had already made plans, and I really didn’t want to miss this time with you, so I convinced one of Finn’s frat brothers to help me out. But then this morning, he threw out his back lifting a box for a girl.”

Internally, Ben groaned. When would people learn to lift with their knees?

“So,” she finished airily. “I have to go and be a good sibling. I’d push this until later, but it’s going to take me all day, and they’ll be back Monday, so I’ll need to get started pretty early tomorrow.”

Ben felt a bad idea brewing in his mind. “Well, do you need help?” He could feel the conflict in him rise;  _ fuck,  _ cleaning out someone else’s house sounded awful.

Rey seemed genuinely surprised before her smile grew softer. “I appreciate it, but there’s some really private stuff in there, and I think he would want to keep it that way.” She squeezed his hand. He was a little relieved; Finn seemed like the type of guy to be... _ disorganized. _ “Really, though. Thank you. It’s going to  _ suuuuck _ , going through teenage Finn’s collection.” Rey shuddered, and a small smile found its way on his face.

He nodded, still a little sad to think of her away from here. “I get it.” His thumb stroked her knuckles. “Still, thank you for making time for me. It means a lot,” he added earnestly.

She pulled his hand up, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “There’s no place I’d rather be, Ben.”

He blushed a bit. This woman was such a breath of fresh air, and already the thought of her being anywhere but here left a sour taste in his mouth.

“In the meantime, I think I’ve got a little more time before I have to head out. Any ideas?”

He mused over an idea. This time of night was a sweet spot for a quick stroll.

* * *

Tonight’s wide moon was as brilliant as Ben was feeling.

It hadn’t taken them too long to get dressed once Ben had suggested Rey’s other option from last night. It was a little cooler than before, so Ben wrapped Rey up in his jacket as they walked downtown. The streets were louder and busier tonight, so he didn’t have to work too hard to convince her to stand close to him. 

Beneath the city’s lights, they walked the blocks hand in hand, people bustling around them. Ben let Rey stay just ahead of him, content to let her lead the way. Her ponytail bobbed with her every step, letting her scent waft into his nose. 

Soon, it was accompanied by the saccharine taste in the air. They entered a brightly-lit shopfront, sunny pastels on every surface. There were tables spaced along one wall, with a few couples and small families sharing sweets and ice cream. Along the opposite wall, there was shelf after shelf, each overflowing with cellophane-wrapped baskets and bundles of different sizes. Ben could see the ice cream display towards the back with children and adults alike eagerly reaching for tasting spoons.

But when Ben glanced down to comment, he’d caught Rey’s dreamy expression and followed it to the massive display of chocolate-dipped confections. She tugged him along, and he could barely keep a similar look off his face as she pointed out fruits and caramels and truffles and nut-butter cups, each dipped in at least one type of chocolate.

A young redhead in an apron offered her help to them, and with her assistance, Rey chose a few dark chocolate peanut butter cups, some exotic white chocolate truffles, and huge chunks of popcorn drenched in milk chocolate. At her insistence, he picked out a couple of slices of Granny Smith apples shoved on a stick, recently dipped in semi-sweet chocolate, and drizzled with salted caramel.

The woman took their selections and punched them in with lightning-fast fingers, reading their total back to them.

Rey was digging for her wallet when Ben handed over his card. She started to protest, before he shushed her gently. “Let me, Rey.” He turned back to the clerk. “And I saw her looking at the chocolate-dipped gummy bears, too. If you could ring us up for the $15 bag, I’ll grab them from the shelf.”

He winked at Rey, who just stood at the counter, doing her best to downplay the delight in her eyes. He shimmied over to the shelf, scanning for the best-looking bag. The clerk must have misjudged the volume level in there, because her stage whisper to Rey was just within his earshot.

“Does your boyfriend have any single friends?” She slyly intoned.

Ben’s back stiffened for a second before Rey softly chuckled her melody-laced laugh. “I’m not sure.” There was another pause, and Ben was quick to rustle a few bags, straining to hear.

“Sweetie, that’s the kind of man I’d be doing my best to keep.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Rey sighed dreamily as Ben reached to pluck a bag. “I’m starting to see how lucky I am.”

Feeling his skin heating from within, Ben schooled a flush of heat down as he made his way back over. The woman smiled at him more genuinely, but otherwise acted as though her conversation with Rey hadn’t just sent him to the stratosphere and his mind racing.

Ben didn’t say anything as they left the shop. God, what would he say? Oh, he was thrilled with the idea of being exclusively hers, but wasn’t it soon? Weren’t they crazy to be jumping into something like this? It had only been a week, and Rey had all but confirmed him to be  _ her boyfriend. To another woman, no less. _

God, so many of his girlfriends had stretched out the process. He’d just gotten used to all the patterns and arbitrary rules, and here Rey was, shattering all expectations yet again, all with a bright smile on her face.

His hand ran through his hair. He might have fallen in love with her, but it was one thing to know it and bury it until the right time to say so, and a whole different thing to willingly accelerate their timeline. It was too soon; it was  _ totally  _ too soon.

“Ben?” 

Rey’s voice broke through his racing thoughts, and he realized they were in the elevator of his apartment building.

“Earth to Ben,” she quipped. “You okay?”

He shrugged slightly as the door flung open. “Yeah, of course.”

Her smile peeked out from rosy lips. “Okay. Well, I have some time before my Uber’s here.”

He unlocked the door, gesturing for her to head in. She gathered her things in his bedroom, giving him another minute alone once he separated his apple slices from her sweets. Those same doubts from earlier were flying like popcorn kernels in his head when she reappeared.

“I think I’ve got everything,” she thought aloud. He handed over her share of candy wordlessly. Her brow furrowed, and she set them down on the coffee table with her other things, pulling him to the couch. 

“Something changed while we were in the shop. You’re all stiff again,” she noted, rubbing his arms. Ben relaxed his shoulders a hair, and she snorted. “Good try, but I know something’s bothering you.”

Whether the silence afterwards lasted for a minute or a millennium, he couldn’t say. He did know that between it and his anxious thoughts, he was going to have to risk all their progress by telling her or get a damn grip.  _ "Boyfriend," _ he whispered.

Rey’s mouth pursed immediately. “You heard that?” she eventually responded.

He confirmed with a nod, not trusting his voice anymore.

She sighed deeply.

“Ben,” she whispered. “There’s something I want you to know before I have to leave tonight.” His eyes widened as he realized what she was doing. Her smile widened as he figured her out, her voice soft as she continued to mirror his speech from earlier. “I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t have a lot of ‘serious relationship’ experience. I can be overzealous and rush into things, because being with you makes me want more.” 

She played with his fingers, and his whole body warmed at her touch. “I really, really like you.” She held a breath, her smile now dazzling as his heart melted. “I know it’s really soon, and I know it’s only been a few dates, but I would like to spend more time with you until it doesn’t seem crazy, especially since I know you really, really like me too.” Her hand dropped from his as she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “If it’s too soon for you to want to be exclusive, I understand. There’s no pressure for what happens from here on out. I’m happy just to spend the time with you, because you’re the first person who made me feel like I don’t have to be alone.” 

She laughed a little nervously. “Even if you don’t feel that strongly about me yet, I hope you will soon, and I’m glad to be here with you until you figure that out.” 

Rey’s hazel eyes were shimmering in the evening glow of the moon outside, and he was sure her words sank in. But for once, Ben didn’t think too hard, and he just pulled her close to soundly kiss this wonderful, perfect woman.

Her arms wrapped around his neck to put their chests in contact. He felt her heart thudding with his, and Ben just let the bliss overtake him. He was here with her; what did it matter if their bond was different from his exes’? Things should be different with her;  _ she _ was different.

She had stolen his heart, after all, in a way no one else ever had.

They pulled apart, foreheads touching, a little dazed. “I guess exclusive is okay,” she murmured. 

He tilted her chin up. “So much better than okay,” he breathed against her lips before he kissed her again, this time unhurried as they found their rhythm. He could feel his giddiness as  _ his girlfriend _ sighed happily into their kiss.

Her phone buzzed with a call before he could deepen their kiss any further. Breathlessly, Rey answered. “Hi. Yes, I’m Rey. I’ll be down in a minute; I just have to grab my bag from my boyfriend’s place.”

They grinned at each other like idiots, entranced. The voice on the phone said something irrelevant and hung up. They each popped off the couch, Rey quickly sweeping her things off the coffee table before they quickly exited, Ben following her as they waited for the elevator. The silence between them was now even cozier than before, and her leaving was softened by his still-giddy brain chanting  _ his girlfriend  _ repeatedly. 

Soon they reached where the car was waiting, and Rey pressed a lingering kiss to his lips before she gave him a little wave as she got in. It drove away after she winked at him.

Ben could’ve done a damn twirl.

He breezed up the stairs easily, before he was back in his apartment. It turned out to be a mistake, though.

As soon as he stepped over the threshold, a trace of her fruity, floral shampoo was in the air, and he felt the loss of her presence, just like he did on the train back from Andromeda Harbor.

That was the downside of being in love, he supposed. Was it even possible to miss someone this much? A month ago, he would’ve been shrugging off Bazine’s invite to a party he didn’t want to go to. Right now though, he’d follow Rey anywhere.

It was a little while before she texted him, and then suddenly everything went a little out of focus as he texted back. The night marched on, but he could not give a damn if he wanted to; his whole focus was on the girl on the other side of the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was _not_ kidding about how quickly things would pick up. Sometimes you just know.  
> Also, shout out to Ben "I've imagined our future together but what do you _mean_ boyfriend" Solo.


	13. Time Bomb - All Time Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a dinner to attend. Some familiar faces are back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't it would just be _easy_ for them, did you?

The following few days were quickly added to what was becoming the best time of Ben’s life. Rey was swamped with work this week, so there was very little time for them to be together in person. That sucked, but it did mean that he could video chat with her late after they were both home instead. 

They stayed up hours into the night, still talking like teenagers, over everything and nothing. Now that they’d covered a lot of the basics, they dived into deeper topics. Nothing was off the table anymore, and he was relieved that they seemed to align on a lot of deal-breaker issues.

Staying up meant that he was a touch lethargic when he was working now, but Phasma kept quietly noting that he did still seem happier in spite of the bags under his eyes. She even cracked a grin over his increased caffeine intake.

Those extra trips to the coffee shop at lunch had been easy and uneventful. Scott the barista had improved his skills a bit, but there was a small part of him that was missing his morning shot of banter with Poe. His cousin was annoying, sure, but he was built into Ben’s work routine, and he would be glad when the smarmy bastard got back to running things.

A different smarmy bastard had been another matter entirely.

It was a little unsettling, to tell the truth. He and Hux hadn’t worked overlapping shifts in a while. On one hand, he was more than okay with not having to deal with potentially punching the redhead’s lights out every shift. But on the other hand, they actually were an efficient team when they worked together, and there was a weasel-sized dose of snark missing from his work life.

Rey didn’t seem to think anything of it, although she echoed her earlier warning to just remain unaffected in Hux’s presence.

Not all the changes were bad, though. Hux’s absence meant Mitaka started working more closely under Ben and Phasma at the front desk during busier afternoons. He would happily work next to Phasma’s silence; the squirrelly man seemed to be a little less nervous around Ben, too. Now that he wasn’t trembling in terror, he was a decent conversationalist. His thesis was based around Cold War era history, and while not thrilling, it was interesting enough and passed the time.

Wednesday afternoon and the end of the shift were rolling around, and while he was going over some minor details with Phasma and Mitaka, his phone chimed. He let it go until it buzzed more insistently, and he rolled his eyes. There was only one person in the world who called immediately after texting.

He finished up his turnover report, then punched out at 4 PM on the dot. He didn’t even scroll through the message or bother with the voicemail, instead dialing the number with more force than was strictly necessary.

“I was at work. What’s going on?”

“I have told you about raising your voice to me, Benjamin,” Leia sharply retorted. She allowed Ben his answering groan, then she continued. “I was going to ask you to pick up some sweet cream butter for rolls tonight.”

Ben’s eyebrow quirked as he started his trek home. “Okay?”

“Mmhm. Bring the salted kind. I know your father shouldn’t have it, but I’d rather him have it with dinner then try and sneak it by getting doughnuts with Chewie. Honestly, after 30 years of marriage, you’d think he’d know better than to try and sneak by me.”

Suddenly the context flooded back to him. “Oh shit, that’s tonight, isn’t it?”

Ben could  _ hear  _ his mother’s eyes narrowing; it was all in the barely-there shift of her breathing.

“Did you forget, Ben?”

He sighed as he rounded another corner. Better to fess up than try and lie to  _ Leia. _ “Yes, I did. Yes, I am sorry. Yes, I will pick up the butter,” he rattled off, gruff. An image of Rey laughing with his mom popped in his mind, and his voice softened a single degree. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be there.”

He glanced at the phone when Leia didn’t immediately offer some snarky remark; he’d learned from the best, after all. “You still there, Mom?”

“Yes,” she answered slowly after a moment. A beat passed. “You know the rules, dinner’ll be done after sundown.”

He shrugged his shoulders, kicking a loose stone in the pavement. “I’ll see you in an hour, Mom.”

He told her goodbye and hung up, continuing onto a little market and picking up the butter.

* * *

About 50 minutes later, Ben was in the backseat of an Uber in a clean outfit and butter in a bag. They were about 10 minutes out from his parents’ place in Easthaven, and he’d been texting Rey until very recently.

He apologized that he would be unavailable that night, since he’d forgotten about the Organa-Solo dinner. She’d been gracious as ever, pointing out that she was technically working as they were talking now. She also noted he wouldn’t be too far from her apartment, and he could stop by after if it wasn’t too late.

Her offer stirred up memories of their weekend together, and he had to take a deep breath to keep his dick from starting any funny business. Instead, he thought about the butter he’d picked up for Han, and once he was good, he texted her back. He promised her a play-by-play later either way, and she’d sent smiling emojis as her last message.

Thoughts of her and her apartment aside, he focused for just a minute on when to bring her to one of these dinners. He was looking forward to her sitting with him at that table, charming as always. She would be the fan favorite, that was sure. She and Leia were practically cut from the same cloth.

He kept an eye on his watch. It wasn’t like him to forget appointments like this. Normally he’d spend the better of the week being annoyed about it; to just have outright forgotten was new. In his defense, not sleeping and a girl like Rey were...distracting. Han would understand, that was for sure.

Soon, the Organa-Solo townhouse came into view. He inhaled deeply, grabbing his butter and heading up the steps.

He’d knocked exactly once when the front door opened, and there stood...Rose?

“Hey Ben!” she grinned, hugging him quickly. “How are you? Oh good, you brought butter. I thought your mom was going to blow a gasket,” she whispered.

“I heard that!” Leia called from deeper in the house.

Ben blinked as Rose ushered him in. He took off his jacket, only to find his customary hook with someone else’s windbreaker. His mouth drew in tight and the fabric crumpled in his hands, but he hung his jacket on the end of the hook bar.

He found his way to the dining room, where Luke and Han were deep in conversation with Poe. His cousin grinned when he saw Ben, throwing up a quick wave. Luke and Han nodded in acknowledgement, but there was something unsettling about the way the older men shared a look afterwards.

Before he could comment on it, Rose was back, dragging him into the kitchen, where Leia was swearing quietly over her kitchen island. For her part, Rose cheerfully plucked and carried a covered casserole dish back out into the dining room, easily brushing by Ben.

He walked over and kissed his mother’s cheek. “Hey Mom. I’m stowing the butter in the fridge.”

“No need, Ben. Just leave it out,” she said as she wrestled roasted green beans into a serving dish. Ben let her squeeze her arms around him, her head barely at his chest. Two quick pats on the back and she let go, focused again. “Thank you, son. I’m glad to see you.” Her brow furrowed, eyes darting around the kitchen. “Dammit, where did I put those toasted breadcrumbs? I just had them!”

“I’ve got them!” A deeper voice called, and Finn popped out from the far end of the kitchen, wearing an apron. “Just tossed them with some grated parmesan,” he chirped.

It was then that the men noticed each other, both remembering their last words at the reception. Ben stood impassively, even as Finn narrowed his eyes infinitesimally and passed breadcrumbs to Leia.

Still, to Finn’s credit, he was the first to break the stalemate. “Hey Ben. It’s been a minute; good to see you again.”

Something in his tone rang false, but with Leia’s watchful gaze burning a hole in his side, he opted to smile as politely as he could back at Finn, just hearing the opening lines of his mother’s  _ I raised you better than that _ speech. “Hi Finn. I’m glad you’re here,” he replied easily.

He looked between the two of them; Finn’s guard seemed to drop, but Leia was looking over him with her ever-keen eyes. “I’m happy to help, but I don’t want to crowd things. Anything I can do?”

Finn didn’t seem to think anything of it, so he just shrugged, untying his apron and resting it on a hook nearby. “I don’t think there’s a lot left to do. I can take those green beans and set the table if you’re all set, General,” he grinned.

Leia rolled her eyes and chuckled exactly once. “That sounds good. Thank you again for your help tonight, Finn. Dismissed, soldier.” 

Finn mock-saluted, picking up her dish and bumping against Ben’s shoulder as he marched by. 

Ben took a deep breath, thinking of Rey, dancing alone and gracefully on stage.

Leia chuckled again once Finn was out of earshot. “Your fake smile needs work. Impressive still, but you’re not your dad. Your tone was excellent.” She elbowed Ben once along his ribs. “You learned  _ that _ from the best.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he sniffed.

Leia actually threw back her head laughing at that, and a small smile crept on his face. “Son, your dad and I are co-authors on calculated niceties. Makes him a good spy and me a good lawyer. Plus, it makes dealing with your in-laws easy. Ask your dad about that one,” she muttered.

And the smile fell from his face.

Leia didn’t seem to notice, her graying hair perfectly in place as she fought the last of that laugh away. “Go grab the butter dish, I’m going to give you some advice.”

Ben groaned to keep up the charade, but the implied reference to his grandfather had his stomach in a knot. Once he’d gotten the porcelain bowl, Leia handed him a fork, making a mashing motion with her hand.

The butter offered just a bit of resistance as Ben pressed the tines into it. Behind him, Leia watched his technique, nodding. “Ben, listen. I know you always brush me off when I talk about grandkids–”

Ben immediately paused, shoulders tight. He’d walked into a trap, the damn fool.

Leia swatted at him. “Relax, let me finish. I know I give you shit about it, but I just want you to be happy, Ben.” Her voice softened a bit as her sentence finished, and he turned to look at her.

Now that she was up close, Ben could see how  _ exhausted _ his mother looked. Her hair was impeccably braided in an updo, but there were more silvery gray strands than he remembered in the last few years. She had struggled a bit with her roasting pan, too; normally that seemed like an easy job, but she’d had trouble lifting it a minute ago.

Leia let him look, only smiling cryptically. “I’m not telling you to marry the next woman you meet. Or the next man, for that matter. No judgment there.”

Ben suppressed this groan, only exhaling deeply as he pressed into the butter. She chuckled again.

“All I’m saying,  _ son, _ is that life is fleeting. We’re all getting older everyday. If you find something worth holding onto, don’t let go.” She patted his back. “I’m going to grab those rolls; toss some chopped herbs in there and mix it together. Once it goes in the butter dish, we should be done.”

Ben grunted, stepping away for parsley and a little salt. As he rolled and chopped a few leaves together, his mother’s words permeated.

Loathe as he was to admit it, his mom was probably right. Rey had danced into his life nearly two weeks ago, and like a whirlwind, she’d changed everything. He was a lot more cheerful than he’d been in most of his life.  _ That _ was certainly worth holding onto.

Leia reappeared with a basket full of rolls as Ben scraped the whipped butter into the small bowl. She nodded in approval, seeing the flecks of green streaking through. “Ah, that’s perfect. I’ll just grab the pot roast and we should be all done–”

Ben stopped her, handing her the butter dish instead. “I’ll take it, Mom.”

If Leia was surprised, she hid it well. Instead, the small smile reappeared as he saw and lifted the heavy dish, its mouthwatering aroma overwhelming his senses.

Leia yelled once that dinner was coming through, and she winked at Ben as they strolled into the dining room.

* * *

He should have known better.  _ God, _ he should have seen this coming.

Ben had just reached the table with the pot roast when he realized the first issue. The Organa-Solo dinners used to be an affair for 5. Subconsciously, everyone had taken their appropriate places at the table. When Ben or Poe were bringing people to these, guests took the 6th chair, but only where they were designated to. There were  _ rules, _ goddammit.

Ben had no problem with guests, not inherently. However, he did take issue with Rose sitting in  _ his _ spot, the one beside Poe and closest to the end opposite Leia. His nose twitched in mild disdain, but he could just find somewhere else to put his empty seat.

Leia, eagle-eyed, immediately rolled her eyes at his twitch. “Oh, don’t start, Ben.”

Luke looked up from a glass of water, sighing. “Jesus, Ben, it’s a  _ chair. _ There’s plenty of room. Rose didn’t know.”

Ben, for his part, had yet to say a damn word. He set down the pot roast in the center as he continued evaluating his options. The throuple was sitting side-by-side-by-side, so that was out.

Rose’s face fell fast as she shrank down a bit, and Poe and Finn each leaned over to rub her shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay, love,” Finn soothed.

“Yeah,” Poe added. “Ben’s a grown-up and he can find a different spot. He just misses being next to his former fellow bachelor.”

Ben, who still had yet to say anything, sighed. It was annoying, but it was a damn chair. Finn was next to Leia at the head, and Han was at her right. He could sit in the empty space between Luke and Rose where he was standing, but that left him in direct eye contact with his mom, so that was out. 

Han grunted, eyes on the yeast rolls. “I cannot  _ believe _ you are getting worked up over a chair.”

Ben threw up his hands. “I haven’t said anything! Can we at least wait until I’m throwing a tantrum instead of just  _ assuming _ I’ll lose my shit? I get it, it’s a godforsaken chair,” he snapped.

Everyone got quiet.

Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Rose, I’m sorry. No, don’t get up,” he stressed. Rose’s eyes were still locked on his as she slowly sat back down. He took a few steps to sit between Luke and Han, the seat across from her. “See? All good,” he laughed shakily, smoothing out a few wrinkles in his khakis.

The air conditioner blew for another second or so before Han reached for a roll. Leia smacked his hand with the back of a spoon, and Han’s offended yelp got everyone else to crack a grin.

Peace restored, Leia motioned for dinner to begin. Ben blew out a breath, his hands stilling as the mashed potatoes came his way.

* * *

The second hiccup wasn’t until a bit later, after the throuple gushed about their cabin honeymoon.

Ben watched them as he chewed over pot roast. They were actually cute, the way they fed on each other’s energy and giggled through their stories. His heart clenched a little, thinking about how cute he and Rey would be someday.

As they wrapped up, Han mentioned that Paige was excited for Rose to get back to work at the store with Chewie. 

Ben swallowed that bite as Rose responded before he turned to Poe, spearing some green beans. “That reminds me, I haven’t seen you in your normal haunt. Day-to-day keeping you busy?”

Poe grinned, looking at Rose and Finn’s excited faces. “I actually got an offer for a new business opportunity from an old friend of mine. We were going to surprise everyone at the unveiling, but I guess we’ll tell everyone now. I’m opening up a second location of one of the Andromeda Harbor shops locally.”

Luke snorted, clapping his hands together. “Let me guess,  _ Baked with Bliss _ ?”

Poe bowed his head graciously, his arm on Rose’s shoulder. “The very same, Dad. I’ll be the managing partner, and with help from my dear husband and talented head baker, we’ll be open by next summer.” His attention turned to Ben, voice teasing. “Don’t worry, I still have some more money to raise and some legal loose ends to tie up, so I might still see you if you come by in the afternoons for the next few weeks.”

Rose and Leia smiled at that, and Luke and Han chuckled as red burned at the tips of Ben’s ears.

Everyone broke out into various states of excited chatter as they peppered Poe and Finn with questions. Ben’s fork was still resting on his plate, eyes focused in on those green beans, limp and stabbed on the tines.

Intellectually, he knew that this was huge for Poe. He’d been working at that coffee shop for as long as Ben had been at the library. They’d worked their way up at the same time, and while it would be a stretch to call them friends, Poe had been a constant presence.

But now he was leaving.

Very quietly, Ben directed his attention to Poe, who ceded the floor to Finn. “Where’s the new place?”

“Here in Easthaven. It’s in the same neighborhood Finn grew up in as a kid. We’re doing our best to avoid gentrifying the neighborhood, and Finn’s got a good head for making sure it’s a good place for the community.” He paused to take Finn’s hand. “We’re going to do a lot of good here.”

“Plus, it means that these two won’t have to work far from home, either,” Rose pointed out. Her smile was soft as she looked over her husbands. “I’ll get to have them home at a decent hour, and the shopfront is on my commute to Chewie’s. Talk about the best packed lunches.”

“I was just lucky Zorii didn’t just smack me or Jannah when we talked about it a year ago,” Poe laughed.

The rest of the table gave up some laughs to that, but Ben was too busy being  _ floored. _ This had been in motion for a  _ year? _

Ben could feel his temperature rising, but the mental image of Rey, looking at him with her dreamy eyes from the sweets shop, cooled his jets.

Something in Poe’s eyes shifted in that moment, and Ben caught concern crossing his face for a second. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, when Han raised his glass.

“Cheers to you, kid,” he said gruffly. Everyone raised their glasses; Ben half-heartedly raised his to just off the table.

Poe briefly met his gaze, then he was back to being cheerful for the rest of the table. “Cheers!”

The table clinked glasses, but Ben could only sip on his water, muttering his “cheers” to himself.

* * *

All bad things come in threes, and Ben had yet to be so lucky to avoid that rule of the cosmos.

Everyone was finishing up dinner, and Leia slipped back to clear the table and make room for dessert.

Finn was telling an actually pretty funny story that Ben could almost laugh at, one from his childhood. The tension from earlier had all but disappeared.

Then Leia came back inside, having missed the tail end. “Oh, was this before or after you went to live with Rey and Maz?”

The tone of the table went very cold as everything quieted down. Ben took a large sip of water. Finn stretched a smile over his face, and Han sighed. “You know how to read the room, Leia,” he muttered.

For her part, Leia looked stricken. “I’m so sorry, Finn. I didn’t realize this was an uncomfortable topic.”

His smile softened, and everyone relaxed a bit. “It isn’t, not really. Sometimes I forget that they became my family just before I was an adult.” He got quiet again, Rose gently rubbing his shoulder. “Maz is a great mum, and Rey was the best sister anyone could ask for.” His attention shifted to Ben. “I’m glad she’s got someone to make her happy,” he said pointedly.

Ben’s eyes narrowed at him. That  _ motherfucker. _

Leia was a lot of things, and one of them was a sucker for a good romance. Ben  _ absolutely _ should have known better. “That’s right! She did look like she was getting cozy with  _ someone _ at the reception,” she teased.

Han snorted nearby.

Rose also turned to Ben. The resemblance between her and Paige was striking when they were feeling devious; Rose’s teasing had less bite, but nevertheless, Ben could feel his face flushing and concentrated on the ice cubes floating in his water.

_ “Very  _ cozy,” she intoned, wagging her eyebrows. “Seemed like the two of you have had some good weekends.”

“Weekends together? Already?” Han raised a glass to that. “Sounds like you’re getting to know each other well.”

Ben could die. He could actually die here.

Luke seemed to nod along with this information. “Rey’s a good egg, Ben. The kind worth holding onto.”

Ben, whose poor face was turning redder by the second, eventually squeaked out that it had only been a couple of weeks.

Finn sipped at his water, setting it down to cock his head at Ben. “Well, from what she’s told us, she’s very taken with you.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair, letting it come to rest on his legs to smooth out a wrinkle. “Told us?”

Finn’s voice was cheerful, but the subsurface glee at Ben’s discomfort was obvious. “Yeah. Rey talked to us while she was at our house Sunday.” He squeezed Rose’s hand. “Rose and Rey have gotten so close, and I’m glad she feels confident to confide in Rose now.”

Ben’s heartbeat was thumping softly in his ears.

Rose did seem to notice as he shrank in his chair, though. “Hey Ben, I’m sorry.” She reached out, making sure her espresso eyes met his. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just got so excited to see Rey so happy, and it’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile so much.” 

Despite himself, Ben let a tiny smile appear for Rose.

Han coughed and directed questions toward Poe, letting the two of them have their moment as conversations splintered off. The tension in Ben’s shoulders relaxed as Rose pulled her hand away, laughing at a joke Luke cracked near him.

Looking up, he could see Finn’s eyes lingering on him before Han asked him a question.

Feeling the pressure, Ben let the memory of Rey’s eyes in the planetarium help settle his mind. Once it had suitably cooled down, he considered some of Finn’s earlier actions. As his relationship with Rey proceeded, he would need to keep an eye on him.

Elsewhere in his mind, something suddenly dawned on him. 

His eyes narrowed when he turned on Leia’s seat, presumably empty from getting up to grab dessert. She was gone 20 seconds when Ben came storming through the door behind her.

She looked surprised to see him as she finished cutting an apple tart.

Before she could say anything, Ben was at her side.  _ “You knew,” _ he hissed.

Leia just blinked at him before arching a single brow, shaking her head as she gathered dessert plates. “I know plenty, son. You’ll have to be more specific.”

He stood there, seething as she put plates into his hands. “You knew about Rey and I when you gave me that advice.”

Leia almost got away with it, and had he not known her face, he would’ve believed her. But the ghost of a smirk was in her eyes, even as she schooled her features.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, dear,” she said as she took the tart out to the table.

His fingers drummed on the island. “I know your tells, Mom,” Ben called as she slipped out the door.

Leia’s answering cackle left him shaking his head, but he followed her out the door regardless.

* * *

Suitably full of tart, the rest of the evening went smoothly. The throuple ducked out after graciously thanking Leia again for their honeymoon. Luke excused himself to the kitchen shortly after. Leia always insisted on him staying over, and with the Organa-Skywalker Peace Accords following the first time they’d had that argument, he now spent the night at the townhouse in exchange for the married Solos dogsitting for when he was on long tours.

Leia attempted to interrogate Ben once everyone was gone, but Han came to his rescue, swooping in to send Ben off with some of the leftovers for Rey. Leia’s ensuing bright eyes at that idea had him running out the door.

Rey texted him her address, and it was a short walk over. She apologized in advance that he couldn’t stay for too long, but that was fine with him for now. It was already after 11, and he did want to get some sleep at some point, but he wasn’t passing up a chance to see his girl.

She met him in the lobby, locking hands with him as soon as he was in the front door. Her triple buns were a sight for sore eyes, but she was wearing a familiar tank top and the tightest black leggings he’d ever seen. He felt heat burning in the tips of his ears, and he swallowed as she turned her hazel eyes on him.

“Hey,” she breathed. Her smile was oddly shy, and his heart skipped a beat.

“Hey,” he breathed back, squeezing her hand.

They stood like that for a second, until the elevator’s sharp  _ ding _ shook free her attention. She grinned, leading him up to the closing door.

“Oh, this is for you,” he pressed the container of food into her free hand as the car steadily rose.

She smiled sweetly, taking it. The heat from his ears migrated slowly onto his cheeks. Her eyes widened suddenly. “Oh, I have something for you too, don’t let me forget.”

He nodded. She led the way once the doors opened again, and as they strolled to a door at the end of a hallway, Ben was suddenly nervous as she fished out her keys. He hadn’t been over to a girl’s apartment in a long time! Decor said a lot about a person, and  _ God, _ he hoped Rey had good taste.

Oh, what if she was messy?

It was too late to panic. Rey swung open her door.

The first thing he noticed as he stepped into her neatly partitioned apartment was the incredibly welcoming smell of  _ green. _ Rey’s apartment was artfully dotted with flower pots and terrariums, all full of blooming cacti and succulents. Hanging in front of a small sliding door were a pair of planters, each lush with daisies.

The next thing he noticed were all the photos she had. There were pictures hanging from the wall on wire and metal clothespins. Some were of teenage Rey and Maz, some were of her and Finn. Two were her graduation pictures with classmates, and there were plenty of others with her with various people, including Rose, Paige, and Poe. Rey looked happy in all of them, grinning or smiling widely.

But the best part? On a tower near her tiny kitchen, there were at least twenty assorted cookbooks, full of neon notes sticking out. The tower was topped with a sign that read, “in this kitchen we dance.”

He breathed a small sigh of relief. Her apartment was smaller than his, but smelled nice and was pretty. She’d opted for a warm palette in her decor, and somehow all the green worked in her scheme. It all screamed  _ Rey, _ and he found himself very comfortable in her lived-in space.

She offered her couch as she put away her food. As she flitted off, Ben settled in. It was a bit plush for his taste, but her scent lingered on it, so he let it wrap itself around him.

Rey plopped herself down a moment later. “You look comfortable,” she giggled.

He pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I am now.” He rubbed his kiss in with his thumb, and Rey blushed a lovely shade of peachy pink, the blood under her skin giving her freckles a lovely contrast. He was still all smiles. “How’d work go today?”

She curled into his side, and he listened intently as she recounted her work day. He let his fingers twirl through her hair as she spoke, and he could hear the smile in her voice as she talked.

Eventually she asked him about dinner. Ben summarized the news, Rey’s face attentive and her brow furrowing as he covered the little hiccups that happened.

Her fingers played with his. “Is me sharing a problem, Ben?”

He looked up at that. Her gaze was steadfastly on his fingers, and her dark eyebrows were knitted together.

He tilted her head up, but her eyes stayed on his hand in hers. “Hey.”

Her gaze slowly rose to his. Now that he could see, her eyes were clouded with uncertainty, and just a little bit sad.

He exhaled a bit, considering his words. “If you want to share, then I’ll just learn to get used to it.” He paused, twisting his mouth a bit. “Well, maybe keep some of the details for just us. But don’t feel like you have to hide your happiness for me.”

Rey  _ immediately _ flushed, burying her head into his chest. “Rose?” Her voice was reedy even as it was muffled, and Ben could barely contain a giggle.

“Rose and Finn,” he acknowledged, wrapping his arms around her.

She groaned, the sound vibrating against his ribs. “I don’t care if they  _ are  _ happily married, I’ll kill them both.” Her head popped back, hazel eyes meeting whiskey brown. “Is it appropriate to send a ‘sorry for your loss’ card to your brother-in-law?”

“Not when you’re the one who killed his partners.” He pressed a kiss into her crown, chuckling at her follow-up grunt.

Twenty minutes drifted by as Rey haphazardly put together a murder plot, and Ben held her tightly, nodding at key moments. This feeling, her body warm and content in his arms, was one he could drown in.

Below him, Rey wiggled free. “Hey, you’re dozing off on me,” she accused.

He rubbed his eyes. “Was not,” he weakly countered.

She tugged his head down, pressing her mouth to his for just a second. “You’re exhausted. Unless you’re staying, get an Uber,” she teased, her accent peeking through on the last word.

Lazy brown eyes landed on hers. “Don’t tempt me.”

They both suddenly stiffened a bit as his words sank in. Both of them tried to be discreet as they nervously waited for the other to break the silence, each growing a little red.

Finally, Rey sighed. “I don’t know if tonight’s a good night.”

Ben nodded, though he could feel himself deflating a bit. He smiled, and he hoped it looked less fake than it felt.

Rey’s eyes narrowed for just a second, but then she dropped her gaze to look away. “You could stay over Friday, if you want.”

That got Ben’s attention, and he grinned. She didn’t answer beside snorting and snatching Ben’s phone. “I’m getting you an Uber, you’re insufferable.”

He rolled his eyes, taking it back from her and hailing it himself. “We’ve got 7 minutes.”

Her eyes got that gleam again, and she launched herself at him.

Lips thoroughly kissed and hair thoroughly mussed a few minutes later, the two of them pulled apart once Rey’s hands started to wander. It took everything in him to resist pulling her back for another, just one more.

Her eyes were dreamy before they suddenly went wide and she scampered off the couch and through a door. Ben took a moment to adjust himself, not trying to lose his 4.9 rider rating for looking like sexual tension personified.

She reappeared a moment later, brandishing his journal.

Ben sat up immediately, silent and eyes wide as she pressed it into his hands.

“Sorry,” she sheepishly offered. “I think it got swept into my bag Saturday.”

His mind was rapidly filling with questions. There wasn’t a lot of time to ask, unfortunately. “Why didn’t you tell me you had it?”

She had the decency to look sheepish. “I didn’t find it until I unpacked that bag...it takes me a while to unpack,” she muttered.

He turned it over in his hands. It seemed unchanged, but his mind was still whirring.

“I didn’t read it, I promise,” she stressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t realize it was missing.”

“Me neither,” he responded automatically, still trying to process.

It was then his phone vibrated insistently, and that seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. They both stood. Rey walked him to the elevator, pulling him close to kiss him before she batted him away. She gave him a little wave as the doors closed, and he started his trip down to the lobby.

Now that he was alone, he left himself pore over those questions, and it continued as he rode to his apartment.

How had he been so careless to let Rey grab his prize by accident? Had he been so distracted that he let it be swept up?

Why  _ hadn't  _ he noticed it was missing?

As soon as he was inside, Ben carefully sat his journal on the coffee table. There had yet to be any satisfying answers to his questions.

As he began to wind down and prepare for the next day, his nightly routine focused his mind into quiet efficiency. It wasn’t too long before he was blinking bleary eyes and yawning as he crawled into bed.

His phone buzzed, lighting up his dark bedroom. The goodnight message Rey sent was as sweet as it always was, but as he replied, unease settled into Ben’s shoulders, his mind still racing for answers.

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last one of my backlogged chapters! Updates shouldn't be months apart, but it might take me a little longer than a week. I'm about 2/3 through writing chapter 14, and I've got a few pieces of chapters going. Until next time!


	14. Hot Blooded - Foreigner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has another bad time, and it spills over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a lot happening here. CW/TW for more panic attacks (woo), some angry talk.  
> This chapter took me 3 weeks of rewrites to get the way I wanted it.  
> Also, shout out to Olivia, whose very nice comment on chapter 12 inspired me to finally figure out the wording on this! Thank you!

His phone chirped as a message crossed across the screen again.

R:You’re going to be great, I know you are! Just make it through the day and you’ve got me all weekend.

That was the only thing keeping Ben together, at this point.

Thursday had all but vanished. Wednesday night still felt fresh, like it was only last night that he’d only had trouble falling asleep knowing that he’d let something so important to him get swept up into Rey’s hands and _he hadn’t even noticed._ While it was happening, it felt heavier somehow. Like he was dragging Thursday forward. He’d had some time to think about it during work, and it occurred to him that it might have just been a good thing to let her know about. Of course, he’d been on the treadmill by the time he’d realized it, and she was still at the community center for another hour. By the time he’d gotten showered and ready to wind down, she was just getting home and doing the same. Thursday had drifted into the night already, and she was video calling not too long after.

He started to say something, but as soon as her face appeared on his phone, pretty as ever but with a tired smile, he swallowed his words. Her brow had furrowed a bit, but he insisted that he wanted to hear about her day. She had looked him over one more time before the wrinkle between her brows smoothed, her voice soft as she murmured a hello. He could feel some tension leave his shoulders immediately as she spoke. Soon, she was as animated as she could muster, telling him about work and about the kids she’d helped that day.

They’d gotten further and further from a good time to bring it up, so he spent the night listening to her, the sound of her voice getting as sleepy and soft as his own as they laid in bed together and apart.

He’d turned down his light and pulled the covers up—with no shirt, he’d mentioned. She had giggled as he brought the screen closer, eyes closed for a minute. He heard her rustling in her bed. Once his eyes had had a break from the brightness, he chuckled at her, snuggled in deeply with her eyes closed and comfortable. A hazel eye cracked open at the sound of his voice, her sleepy smile spreading on her lips. His heart was full of warmth as Rey’s little image looked back at him, content and adoring in the silence.

It had stayed like that for a few minutes, and he was struck by how much he already missed the chance to brush the little tendrils falling into her face as she began to nod off, and watching the way her freckles jerked when her nose twitched. He took a deep breath, and she didn’t open her eyes as she spoke. “What’s going through that beautiful brain of yours?”

A hand dragged through his hair. “Just wishing you were here, or that I was there. Or that we were anywhere.”

Her smile deepened. “Anywhere, hmm?”

“Yeah,” he yawned. “I’d follow you anywhere, Rey.”

She snorted through her nose, the sound barely picked up by the phone. “You’re welcome wherever I go, Ben.”

After that, he could hear her breathing deepen, and knowing she’d fallen asleep, it occurred to him, once again, he’d done something that a Ben in an earlier life never would have.

He pressed a kiss to Rey’s sleeping image on his screen before he hung up. Once it had gone dark, alone in the quiet of the room, his eyes shutting closed as an errant thought bubbled to the surface.

_How could someone look like everything he wanted and needed?_

* * *

But that had been last night. He’d woken up feeling lighter, and even felt like it for a while.

That is, until a calendar notification from his email came through as he was walking to work.

_Monthly Performance Review. Today at 11 AM._

And here he was now, in the bathroom outside Snoke’s office, splashing water on his face. His notepad with his past review notes lay neatly on a nearby sink. Dread had settled in its familiar pit in his stomach, and no amount of smoothing his pants could out these _fucking wrinkles._

He met his eyes in the mirror. There were traces of dark circles from when he hadn’t gotten quite enough sleep, but he otherwise looked...normal. Maybe nervous, but normal, for sure. He dried his face and hands. His watch read 10:57.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he opened the messenger to start to respond to Rey’s encouraging note, but his fingers refused to type. The time ticked closer, and frustrated, he locked the screen and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

He had barely raised his hand to knock on the door when he realized the notepad was still sitting on the edge of the sink, forgotten. His body had turned to run to the bathroom, which Snoke’s voice shot through the door and Ben froze on the spot.

“Solo. You may enter,” he called.

There was a split second as Ben considered going back for his notepad, but there was a quiet shift in the room behind solid wood. No going back now. With a shaking hand, he turned and opened the door.

Standing behind his desk with eyes narrowed, was Snoke, hands on the top. Ben stepped in quickly, shutting the door behind him and crossing to sit in one of the empty chairs.

His boss remained standing, silent behind the desk like he could smell the fear radiating from the chair in front of him. For his part, Ben’s hands gripped his pant legs, doing his best impression of a man on trial.

Finally Snoke leaned back and walked around, making a show of stalking circles around the room, ending up behind the occupied chair after a minute. Feeling the presence behind him, Ben’s shoulders tensed further.

“Solo,” he eventually spoke, voice nonchalant. It only unsettled Ben further. “What happened to your notepad?”

He knew what Snoke wanted him to do, but he could not give him the satisfaction; this was going to be hard enough. He inhaled as quietly as possible as not to give himself away. “I used the restroom before our meeting today, sir. I must have left it when I washed my hands.” That was close enough to the truth.

Snoke made a dissatisfied noise, but Ben knew to attribute that not to his forgotten notebook. He crossed to Ben’s other side.

“How shameful, Solo. Although I mustn’t say I’m surprised,” he mused. The airy manner of that statement was light enough, but to Ben, it was nothing short of chlorine gas, burning as it suffocated. 

Hands came down on each of his shoulders, squeezing just hard enough not to bruise, but only just. Ben resisted the urge to wince.

Snoke’s whisper grated near his ear. “Can you guess why?”

He would not answer, _he couldn’t._ Giving one was handing the sword to the executioner himself.

An ear-splitting _crack_ happened just beyond Ben’s left shoulder, and he’d maintained enough control not to flinch. If he turned around, he knew the chair would be splintered. He didn’t have to, though, as Snoke’s face appeared within inches of his.

 _“ Answer me,_ you ungrateful wretch,” he snarled. Ben met the seething gaze but held his breath, still not wincing. Snoke leaned back and chuckled once humorlessly. “I suppose you’re smarter than that, dear boy. You always thought you were smarter than everyone around you. That’s what I saw in you, that’s what made you _special_ and _deserving_ and _better_ than all the rest. That’s what I told you.”

Still no words from Ben yet. His nails were biting into his legs, but he hadn’t cracked.

“I will remind you that I _made_ you, Ben Solo. I took you in because no one else wanted you. You were nothing when you arrived here and you’d be nothing but a failed musician without me, the crippling disappointment of your legendary family,” Snoke said as he circled back around his desk. “You’d have nothing, either. No job prospects, no cozy apartment, and certainly not that pretty little dancer you’ve been spending all your nights with.”

Suddenly the pit of dread disappeared, his stomach now filling with horrified nausea as his eyes widened a hair for a microsecond before he schooled his face. 

_No. Not her._

From the edge of his gaze, he saw a sneer curl over Snoke’s mouth. Fuck, he’d given himself away.

“Oh, yes, Ben Solo. Your precious Rey Jackson, one of the ballerinas for the Phoenix Falls Fine Arts Center.” Snoke plucked at an invisible hair on his suit as Ben’s hands tightened on his pants. “She really is quite the vision when she dances; I had no idea that was her when I’d watched the spring performance. I've been a well-known pron there for so long; I wasn't sure how I'd missed her. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that was your paramour, the little tart you and Hux had been drooling over like dogs.” He paused to knowingly glance over at Ben. “Although, seeing how flexible she is, I certainly don’t blame you.” 

“Do _not_ talk about her like that!” Ben shouted.

There was a split second as each man’s eyes widened slightly before time began again, and the globe in front of his face was thrown off the table and shattered against the wall as Snoke slapped it away, only inches from Ben’s face; this time he couldn’t regain restraint fast enough, and he recoiled the way Snoke had intended. “Look who suddenly found his tongue! I will remind you, _boy,_ not to snarl like a dog at me. We are in _my_ office, in _my_ library, and on _my_ time,” he whispered. He leaned back, sitting in his chair before he continued at Ben, eyes narrowed. “I have no qualms returning you to the street like the wretched mongrel you are, or making sure that your little bitch never dances anything other than company." He paused, eyes narrowing further. "Honestly, what you do with your little toy would normally make no difference to me, but as I _would_ have told you, your performance has been suffering because of her. Forgetful? Uninspired? Not you, Solo.”

Little half moons would mar Ben’s thighs.

Snoke exhaled. The silence settled back in, unease making the nausea much more intense. “Solo, your current work notwithstanding, you’re a good librarian. A damn good one, to be honest. I don’t want to see your potential thrown away over yet another woman who will turn out like the last. You have been a strong and loyal presence here, and I would hate to see that change all of a sudden.” Another pause as the man drummed his fingers. “I’ll tell you what. Go fetch your notes and we’ll discuss how to improve your performance going forward.” The sweetness of the words was cloying, and it only worsened Ben’s stomach.

He rose at the command, though. He made it just in time to retch, emptying his stomach’s contents into a toilet. Staring at it for a moment, he flushed it away. Ben walked out of the stall, hands on the sink as he looked at himself, back again as he was a month ago, looking a bit green. The rush of running water cooled his hands when he turned on the tap, and he rinsed his mouth of the bile aftertaste. He still looked worse for wear as everything that happened began to consume his thoughts.

An angry sob threatened to tear out of his throat as his fist slammed on the sink. He had cracked like thin ice under pressure, and now that bastard knew he could use Rey as a weapon against him. Soon Snoke’s claws would be in her future, in dreamy-eyed, kind Rey.

Distantly, he heard her voice in his mind, and it tore him open.

Suddenly Ben’s heart was thudding in his throat, pulse at a mile a minute. He shakily made his way into the largest stall before he collapsed into the corner. Cool air blew around him as the hum of the industrial bathroom fan whirred.

The wall was cold as he tried to make himself as small as possible as his breaths started coming in fast, jagged and shaking. His heart was racing and it just kept going faster and faster. His eyes were screwed tight, and the air in the room was getting thinner. It wasn’t getting better. Was his arm going numb? Sweat rolled down his brow as his mind screamed at him to get a grip.

He began to sink toward the floor.

It could have been five minutes or fifty, he wasn’t sure; either way, there was suddenly the sound of a door opening. His mind latched onto this, the panic momentarily breaking.

There were two quiet _clicks_ of shoes as someone stood in the door. Ben knew that sound.

After the sound of an exhale, the door closed again, the same two clicks as the figure left the bathroom. The resolute _swish_ of the door, and now Ben was certain of who had been there to see him like this, pleased to see him so _weak._

Grasping at this, he regained the smallest sense of himself and his situation, searching in his mind for what the doctor had told him to do in moments like this. He looked at the room. There were 4 white tiles he was standing on. _One, two, three, four._

There were three stalls that he’d passed. _One, two, three._

His feet were still shaking a bit below him, but his breathing had slowed. Two shoes for his two feet. _One, two._

There was just one Ben in the mirror, watching him as the soft ticking in his mind restarted.

_One, two, three, four. One, two, Rey—_

He shook his head wildly. No, no. Not her. Not her. Not now. She wasn’t safe, he couldn’t keep her safe right now.

He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t let her get caught in the cross-hairs; he could keep her safe, but only if he could be strong enough.

He had to get stronger for her.

His legs were like jelly, but he could stand. It was slow, but he trudged back to the sink. He caught a glimpse of his notepad, untouched. He shook his head, letting a hand surf through inky waves. One last look at himself. A little bit of the light had faded from his eyes and some color had yet to return to his cheeks, but that would be okay enough to get through the rest of his review.

He could do it. He would do it for her.

* * *

The rest of the review went smoothly enough, as neither man openly acknowledged what had transpired before. As Ben made notes, he nodded as Snoke spoke, providing answers where required. But while his body was present, his mind was in a different place altogether, thinking of what he needed to bring the monster down. Ben was certainly clever enough to make it happen, and acting was in his blood. He only needed to play along long enough to make a good case, and then he could watch the man shatter, just like his glass ego.

There was clearly a mole among them. He couldn’t rule out either of Phasma or Hux. Each of them had more than enough motive. Phasma was as ambitious as Ben was, and Hux had enough to rival theirs combined. Personal reasons were just as valid. He could imagine even mousy Mitaka selling him out, if only to climb the ladder. If Ben cracked like an egg, then his spot would be open. They all had plenty to gain and little to lose, whether working alone or together.

The gears kept turning.

He would have to be careful. He could map out a timeline, and then it was all about undermining and making a good case. He just had to offer something better to his coworkers than Snoke could.

Thinking of the devil, Snoke’s voice was trailing off outside his thoughts, as though thinking were coming to a close. With one last nod and a scribble, Ben raised his head to find dark eyes curiously watching him. Meeting with his gaze as evenly as he could manage, Ben’s face was almost serene in its blankness. Satisfied, Snoke shooed him out.

Something sinister curled on Ben’s face as the door swung shut behind him. Snoke’s days were numbered.

* * *

It was just around 12:30 when Ben made it back to the front desk. Phasma was playing at a salad, turning to meet him. She started to say something, but it seemed like her brow furrowed before it smoothed out. She stabbed it a bit harder than strictly necessary, but her face was back to its normal blankness.

Ben slid out his lunch, pulling out his apple and giving it a once over.

Out of the corner of his eye, Phasma cocked her head slightly. “How’d it go?”

He took a bite, chewing over her neutral tone with the apple piece. “About the same,” he offered casually enough. “Got a lot of the same notes.”

If she wasn’t buying it, she gave no indication. She nodded twice, choosing to eat more of her salad instead.

Pulling out his phone, he typed.

B: Was a mixed bag, but I’ve got a better idea what to do going forward. Can’t wait to see you tonight.

* * *

The rest of the work day was quiet enough. Phasma was working the upper floors for the afternoon, leaving Ben at the circulation desk to answer questions as they arrived. After the thrills of the morning, it was actually kind of nice to direct people toward the right sections, offering a few places to start research.

Soon it was time for him to clock out, though. 4:30 hadn’t gotten here too soon, not by any means. Ben punched out, throwing a wave to Phasma as he left. Tension finally loosened from his shoulders as he walked out of the library. The sun was low in the sky but warm on his face, and he smiled into it. It seemed like a good omen.

Feeling more comfortable, Ben weighed his options. He considered running into the coffee shop to get something sweet for Rey, but the thought of Poe not being there, especially now that he knew why, left a sour taste in his mouth. Instead, he caught the train back home, the gentle rumbling of the car helping soothe out the remaining anxiety from earlier.

He yawned as he finished packing his overnight bag for Rey’s apartment. A quick _zip_ and it was slung over his shoulder as he waited down on the corner for his ride.

The remaining daylight had tinted the horizon in brilliant orange as the car pulled up. Settled in, he flicked back through his messages, seeing that Rey made it in time to meet him at her apartment, a trail of suggestive emojis at the tail end. Grinning a bit, Ben laid his head back, letting the ambient music of the car—something light and jazzy—fill his ears as the ride went on.

The driver cleared her throat and his eyes snapped open. The young lady looked at him kindly as she gestured to Rey’s apartment building; they had arrived. He frowned. It was only a second ago that he’d closed his eyes...hmm. A little annoyed at his dozing, he thanked his driver, tipping her nicely for her kindness as he walked to the elevator inside.

As he stood waiting, Ben took a moment to close his eyes and just _listen._ The area he was in was small, but he could hear the soft rumbling of laundry machines around a corner and down a hallway; there was someone having issues with their mailbox key; cars were rushing by as dusk started to color the sky deep shades of blue, pink, and orange. It was nice, the rhythm of Rey’s apartment building. It was comfortable.

A sharp _ding_ signaled the arrival of the elevator car. As the doors rolled open, a woman and her son quickly made their way out as Ben toddled into the empty car. One short ride later, and he knocked once on her door before it snapped open. There, smile bright and wearing her cute little shorts, was Rey.

Glee surged through him, and in spite of the tired ache in his bones, his bag thudded to the ground as he wordlessly swept his girlfriend into his arms, unhesitating as he flooded his nose in her peach-honeysuckle hair. She sighed happily, leaning into his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.

They stood there for a full minute before she pulled away a bit, taking his bag on her shoulder and his hand with hers. Her couch had never looked more inviting, but he stifled a yawn as he pushed down the urge to collapse and sink into it. The room was only barely lit, which didn’t help matters, but he could at least wait for her.

Rey reappeared from her bedroom, sans his bag. A look crossed her face as she approached him, beginning to slow down. She looked him over once, eyes narrowing.

He suddenly felt self-conscious, smoothing a wrinkle in his khakis.

That didn’t seem to help, though. Her hands pressed lightly against his cheeks for a moment before she dropped them, tutting softly. “I see that you thought you could hide this from me,” she said eventually. “You’re exhausted.”

A line appeared between his forehead. “I’m just a little tired. I kinda had a long day.”

She gave him a once-over, examining him again. He could feel some of that irritation beginning to simmer. Soon though, she smiled a bit, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “If you want to talk about it...if there’s _anything_ you want to talk about, I’m here, okay? You can tell me anything.”

Looking at her glittering eyes, so earnest and kind, he could feel his mind insistently pushing to talk about that _little_ thing that had been bugging him all week. She had said _anything,_ after all…

He inhaled slowly, shoving away the annoyed prickle in his skin. “Well…there is something that has been bothering me a bit,” he offered, sheepish.

Her eyes widened again, though only slightly this time, as she sank to the couch. “Oh. Okay, talk to me,” she replied, her tone gentle as she patted the cushion beside her.

Ben positioned himself carefully, earning another brief smile from Rey as she rolled her eyes fondly at him. Once he was comfortable, he breathed and wiggled a bit, trying to find the words. He needed a delicate touch with this; he knew he was already a little touchy, and the last thing he wanted was to lose his temper. “It’s about my journal,” he finally said. Rey nodded. “I just kept thinking about it...why didn’t you tell me when you first found it?”

Her nose twitched ever so slightly that he nearly missed it in the low light, but he caught both it and her brow furrowing again. “Oh. Well, I thought I had said so before, but I hadn’t found it until a day or two later when I was unpacking. It didn’t really come up in conversation, but then I remembered when I saw you Wednesday.” She crossed her arms loosely. “I didn’t realize it was that important to you.”

That same prickle rose in full force, and he rolled his shoulders back a little, eyes suddenly on his khakis. It took a minute, but he could feel himself regain control over that. He was fine. “It is,” he ground out. Well, maybe less okay than he thought. “It’s extremely important to me.”

Her eyes narrowed ever so much, and something in Ben’s stomach twisted as his mind superimposed the same tic from Leia onto Rey. _Focus, focus, focus,_ he implored internally. Now wasn’t the time, there could be a moment to unpack all of _that_ later. “I’m sorry for not having said all this before, but I didn’t think it was all that big a deal,” she offered, doing her best to keep her voice even. “If I had known, I would’ve let you know sooner. Although,” she mused, mockingly airy, “you could have mentioned it was missing so I could have looked for it.”

His jaw tensed, and her mouth twitched. "I just...I have it to talk to, and now you're here so I can talk to you instead," he tried, but her eyes narrowed further. _Backtrack, backtrack._ "I'm glad you're in my life, but I'm still getting used to that. I'm not used to my things being out of place."

Well, that sounded worse even to him. If she had been upset before, now she was fuming. “When did you realize it was missing, again? Right, when I gave it back to you, after it had been gone for four days.”

His fist clenched. “Listen, I—”

“I’m _sorry_ it got swept into my bag, okay? I wasn’t being malicious, it was a mistake.” Her body was as defensive as her tone, her shoulders drawn in tightly like a rattlesnake, raring to strike. “I _knew_ something was bugging you, but I told myself to drop it, because _surely_ you would have said something. I could have apologized on _Wednesday, when I thought we’d talked about this—”_

 _“Rey,”_ he growled. “Maybe I’d have an easier time talking if you didn’t respond like this—”

“Oh, so now it’s _my_ fault, is it?” She got up on her knees, a finger poking into his chest. He was reeling; she’d never acted like this before. He could almost see fire roaring to life in her eyes. _“Fine,_ I’m sorry for just trying to keep a line of communication open and for standing up for myself when _you’re_ overreacting.”

 _“Overreacting?”_ Ben hissed, drawing up to meet her. “I try and talk to you about something that’s bothering me when _I’m already stressed out_ and now I’m overreacting? You’re the one who started getting mad at me for literally doing what you asked.”

She snorted. “I didn’t think this would be what was bothering you, not something so…” she trailed off as she searched for a word.

“Something so _what,_ Rey? Asinine? Trivial? _Ridiculous?_ You said anything, yeah? Or did you not mean it?”

She snarled, her hands trembling on his shoulders, pushing herself back. “Of course I did!”

He tore his gaze away from her, barely containing the raw anger pumping through him in waves. Everything was fine a few minutes ago, and now they were arguing? Over what?

In the time it took him to have that thought, she'd drawn back up to him. Instantly matching her energy, he drew up to his full height. Her body was so small compared to his. God, what were they playing at here? They weren't rams or deer; physically settling this was out of the question. He wouldn't let it come to that. He had to diffuse this and fast.

It didn't matter that Rey had so quickly riled him up, or that she was as magnetic as ever, drawing him and daring him to lose control...or that even now, he could see that fire in her eyes, waiting to burn him alive, and how _intrigued_ by that idea he was.

His breath had gotten shaky, and he unintentionally looked down as he tried to catch it. Now the only thing he could think about was how stiff her nipples were through her top.

_Fuck._

He looked her over again, rapidly contextualizing her body language as he went. That flush across her face, so angry and persistent, was now achingly familiar to the one she had when his hands explored her skin. The authority keeping her back straight now was the same as when she'd held his wrist down and grinned before she ridden him within an inch of his life. And that lip, her plush, infuriating, tantalizing lip, was still poking out and begging to be bitten.

Suddenly it seemed like Rey was coming to the same conclusion, and he realized a second too late as her eyes dropped to his crotch that he was so incredibly hard that he was lucky that he could still focus.

There was a beat of silence, and the tension shifted all at once into something different, something more familiar. Her breath drew unevenly as his thumb crept upwards, just to stroke her bottom lip. Still so soft, the barest of tremors there. Some residual anger lingered on her face, but he could feel heat radiating out from between her legs now. He swallowed a shudder, now aware of just how little of her was covered by her damnable shorts.

Their eyes met, and dear God, her pupils were blown so wide. He’d barely eked out her name before she pounced, mouth aggressively on his.

He’d had angry sex before. He’d had make-up sex before. This was something different, feeling the conflicting emotions roiling in Rey as she moved her mouth insistently against his. He responded eagerly, tasting the cocktail of feelings as she poured all of herself into him. The contrition, the anger, the confusion, and something sweeter, something mirrored in him. Pushing that anyway to re-examine later, Ben just let her continue, the unspoken part of their apologies moving between them.

The heat was still strong, and it wasn’t before long until he pulled back to press more kisses along her neck, hands sliding up her torso and atoning for his lost temper as she gasped. He thumbed over her nipple, her little gasp soft as he found the other. Keening, she pulled his mouth back up to hers, her body shuddering as he let the tips of his fingers slip past the waistband of her shorts. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her flush intensify, making her freckles more prominent. There was a brief moment that their eyes met again before his lips met hers, and greedily he drank from her.

She melted to him, her body relaxing. He barely held back a pleased moan as she raked her nails down his back. He praised pantheons of deities as he nipped her lip, now even more tempting than it had been before that first kiss, so long ago. She broke away to moan his name, and he made little work of pulling her onto his lap. Slowly, he reclined, his hand spread on her exposed lower back.

The couch’s cushions were supportive at Ben’s back as Rey straddled his hips. She made quick work of her buttons as he licked at the dips of her exposed collarbone. An efficient team, he shrugged off his shirt as she whipped hers up and over her head, no momentum lost as he groped at her chest, their kiss as heated as before. He hissed as she ground her hips on his, her shorts doing little to disguise the patch of wetness from her center. It was his turn to gasp as she pulled away, restraining him against the couch as she scattered kisses along his feverish skin, her fingers meandering down his abs, his stomach, right to above his hips. She whispered his name, breathy, as her hands slid to his hips, shimmying and peeling away his pants down his legs as she went.

Ben tried to steady his breath as he peered down just in time to see Rey run a finger down his clothed cock, and his favorite, filthy look flitted across her face as a pleased moan burst from him. He choked out her name as she palmed him more substantially.

“Let me take care of you, Ben,” she pleaded. Her voice was barely above a whisper, but her eyes were enthralling and dark, and even if he wanted her to stop, he knew he’d kick himself if he did.

“Rey, do whatever you want to me,” he answered. Her face was bright with joy, and something in him was a different kind of warm. Even after everything that had just happened, under all of the stress of the day, they were still just _Ben and Rey,_ and it tinted everything that they were doing unbearably tender. He reached to cup her face, her cheek soft in his hand. Despite all he’d felt that day, one thing was as true as when he’d first thought it. He dared not speak the words, but his heart was full as that trio of words frolicked on in his mind. _Love_ really _did make him stupid._ Instead, he stroked his thumb along her skin.

She pressed a little kiss to his palm before twisting her head to let his hand rest in her hair. He breathed deeply as her dexterous little fingers peeled down his boxer briefs. He was able to get in one deep breath before his cock was lightly squeezed as she began to stroke him. Blood rushed to fill it, his erection thudding warmly in her hand. Her grip was just firm enough as she stroked him twice before she suddenly stopped.

His head popped up from where it was on the cushion and he was greeted with the sight of Rey, eyes closed, taking down her loose bun and fluffing her hair above him, one hand tugging through barely there waves. In the low, hazy light on the room, her edges were blurry, but it was an image that kept twisting the warmth in his chest. Never one to waste a chance to touch her, Ben pressed his hand to her smooth abdomen, fingertips tracing letters in her skin. She decided to leave it down and a little wild, her smile a secret revealed only to him. Before she started making her way back down, she caught him staring. The desire in her eyes softened, and she leaned down to kiss him. He returned it, the heat from earlier shifting to the back burner as it turned affectionate–it was just enough for right now to savor the feel of her weight on top of him and the ever-present, faint sweetness of her mouth. She didn’t seem all that pressed to continue either as she opted to tangle herself with him, every movement unhurried.

Ben felt that warmth expand again as she pulled away to kiss along his jaw. He let his hands wander a bit, delicately teasing one of Rey’s nipples again. The other hand lazily squeezed at the cheek of her ass. Both actions caused her to sigh happily, shuddering as her body grew a little warmer. In response, her legs squeezed his hips. He could feel the slickness near the hem of her shorts, her pussy just beyond his fingers. He crossed the edge, the tip of one ghosting along the back of her labia. She gasped under a breath, her hips rolling in a tight circle. He shuddered with pleasure as her wiggling had her grinding on his cock, still pulsing as blood pumped through him.

A familiar wicked gleam was in her eye as she realized his body was responding. In one smooth motion, she had his erection pinned between them, holding him there as one long leg swept up to leave her shorts wrapped around the opposite ankle. The heat was more direct as Rey’s bare cunt was now directly on him, and Ben swore above her.

She chuckled, burying her face in his neck as she rolled her hips upward, his skin on fire as he felt every slick inch of her sex–her throbbing clit, her swollen vulva, her drenched slit–as it slid all the way up his cock, and then achingly slowly she rolled back down. His head pressed further into the couch as she continued rocking them together, friction starting to build along with that same heat in his belly. His hand splayed open on her lower back again, pressing them even closer, the other hand knotting in her hair as he thrust up on her downstroke, the effect immediate as they both keened. The air in the room was hot; both of them were beginning to sweat as their heated grinding got faster.

He opened his mouth to say her name, but she glued their lips together and swallowed the sound. When she pulled away, breathy and panting, he could see it in her eyes as much as he could feel it in his veins: how close she was, how close he was. He wanted this for her, even more than he wanted it for himself. She looked like she was on the edge of something _glorious..._ he was honored just to be here to watch.

He directed her mouth back to his, drinking in her cries of pleasure as she began to crest, her body shaking. In the part of his mind not overtaken by the haze of the moment, he watched as her back snapped taut, orgasm crashing over her. A snapshot of this second seared itself in his mind: her peace, her beauty, her pleasure. That same phrase played over on repeat in his mind, and he bit his lip as his orgasm overtook him, desperate not to say it out loud.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you_

* * *

And the next moment he could remember, his eyes blinked open into deeper darkness. He was in Rey’s bedroom, apparently tucked under her covers and sheets. He blinked away some of his bleariness, awareness coming back to him.

Unlike the rest of her usually cheery apartment, Rey’s bedroom was cool and dim, with only a few glowing lights in the corner, and dark blackout curtains lining her window. The overhead light was turned off, leaving the two of them barely visible. She was on her side facing away from him, her back tucked along his side. The alarm clock on his opposite side read 2:28 AM. 

Maybe he was more tired than he thought when he came over. His head was still fuzzy with sleep, and he was tempted just to roll over and cuddle up to her, but he knew he had to pee, _dammit._ The bed muffled a lot of his movement, but Rey still stirred. Her body rustled for a second as he held his breath, but she settled back. He sighed as she seemed to sleep on. He exhaled, carefully getting up, but unable to resist the temptation of pressing a kiss between her shoulders blades.

He crept out quickly and quietly, slipping past the door and finding her bathroom easily enough. Her little bathroom was bright, but Ben was focused on one task at the moment. As he relieved himself, he did notice, tucked in her shower, was what he guessed was that bewitching shampoo. Once he was done and washed his hands, he picked it up, popped the top, and inhaled. There was the lightest peach scent there, but not nearly as much as he was expecting. Still, a mystery for another time. He found his way back, carefully closing the door behind. Quiet as a mouse, he crept back to climb in bed with her–except it was still dark, and this wasn’t his room, and his ankle caught the edge of a bedpost. He managed to swallow the howl he wanted to let out, but he couldn’t do anything about the loud knock of bone on wood. 

There was a soft chuckle in the darkness, and he caught Rey peeking over her shoulder at him, smiling serenely. “Hey.”

His shoulders dropped and he sighed. “Hey.”

She chuckled again, rolling onto her back and patting the empty space beside her, voice still heavy with sleep. “Come on.”

Ben drudged forward and climbed into bed, smiling a little in spite of himself. Rey’s arms were around him as she buried her face into his chest. His smile grew as he held her close, her fragrance washing back over him. 

The quiet rustle of the night outside Rey’s window and gentle hum of the fan played accompaniment to the mixed rhythms of their breathing, and the tranquility of it all rebalanced something off-kilter in him. He could think a little clearer now, and now their fight earlier seemed ridiculous.

Not one to miss a beat, Rey shifted a bit. “Hey, about earlier…”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Water under the bridge for me, sweetheart. You didn’t deserve any of that.” He paused, stroking her shoulder. “I promise stress doesn’t make me a nutcase all the time, but it doesn’t excuse anything. I’m sorry.”

She chewed on that a bit, shuffling in his arms. Eventually, she sighed. “I’m sorry, too. I can get a little riled up over silly things. And like you said, you’re stressed. I totally get it.” She buried her face in his chest. “Water under the bridge.”

He smiled. The warmth of her in his arms soothed the stress from the day, and for the first time in quite a while, his mind’s lake was still.

A full beat passed. “I think you’re right about me needing recovery time,” he yawned. “I’m glad I get to do that with you.”

He felt her brow pinch for the briefest of seconds, then it smoothed out again. “I’m glad you’re here,” she murmured eventually.

Ben had planned on saying something, but his eyes were already drifting closed again and the words vanished from his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fighting AND fucking (kind of), just for y'all. I'm sure this is just a one-off and that sex instead of talking isn't at all part of a larger problem, especially since they TOTALLY resolved everything.  
> And look all these plates Ben has to spin. Life is _so_ messy.


End file.
